superficial

  1. You know she’s a keeper when she can give you purple nurpples with her feet…

  2. Dan Quayle

    Simon

  3. “Carmen who? Oh right, no she’s just a whore I pay from time to time”

  4. dontkillthemessenger

    Interestingly enough, Ryan Seacrest makes the same face when a woman does that.

  5. Look at me! I’m half of the covers from “Rolling Stone” magazine!

  6. “Well, Pinch my nipples, that pussy looks good!”

  7. Cock Dr

    Simon begins the preliminary foreplay by working over his own moobs. The man knows what he likes best.

  8. “Darling, it’s not you, it’s me. I just….dont like having sex, er, after I had a heavy lunch. I used that one already? Ok, well, pussy scares me.”

  9. chicka

    “Yecchhhh… the things I do for fame!”

  10. “Geez love I don’t know….looks like Helga missed a few spots.”

  11. papastryfe

    How many times have I told you, I’m not James Bond. Those jumper cables REALLY chafed my ta-tas.

  12. Fredical

    “And then I smell ‘em like this!”

  13. “The pussy is absolutely dreadful. You have got to be kidding me. I paid good money for this? I expect better than, whatever it is you got going on down there.”

  14. tlmck

    By the look on his face, he just remembered why he dumped her the first time.

  15. That’s it baby… Change my diaper!

  16. Babelpants

    Have you ever seen anything tighter than this ?

    **pause***

  17. Drundel

    “No! We Go In! We Kill! No more talk. We kill!
    Soon my dog of war, or we will have to do it my way!

  18. Ewwww. You want me do do what?

  19. HumpinFrog

    “So that’s where you hide the gold. And shovel? Damn!”

  20. Buddy The Elf

    “WHAT!? No penis??”

  21. Don’t look right at it, or it will spit in your eye like a cobra.

  22. There’s really no alternate explanation for what’s going on here.

  23. Mike701

    This Viagra patch is making my nipples burn.

  24. glam

    “And love spreads its legs….
    And the world spreads its legs
    For another fuckin’ star!”
    ..just made me think of that song.

  25. Grafikman

    “is this oozing”?

  26. Tinka

    “I want to shred those gay rumours swirling about me in Britain. This face should do the trick, right? YAY VAGINA! Right. Can we go swimming now?”

  27. YTBOY

    Come on Simon, Taste it, You’ll like it!!!

  28. “If I’m being totally honest….. this is just a karaoke impression of a 12-year old. Completely unoriginal. Boring. Thank you.”

  29. “Sonofa… which armpit did they implant that blasted Viagra pump in?”

  30. “So…you say that’s called a vah-jye-nuh? what’s it for?”

  31. Kam

    Ahhh…are you sure thats just cottage cheese?

  32. There are actually three people in this photo (I’m between both, I just don’t show up on film).

  33. “Sweet bleeding Jesus, there’s no way I’m putting me mouth on that smelly, ugly thing…”

  34. Edvard Munch

    Hand bra

  35. It was going to be a ‘yes,’ but then it did the whistling solo…. I’m afraid it’s a ‘no’ for me darling… it does look nice though, congrats on that.

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