superficial

  1. “The Little House”, or “Stickybear’s Scary Night”? Life is filled with tough choices.

  2. “Think if I break for Mexico I can make it?”

  3. The look of a man who is going to run out for cigarettes and never come back.

  4. “Is that Johnny Knoxville?”
    “Only one way to find out, break a 2X4 on his head.”
    “But i might not be him.”
    “I’m willing to take that risk.”

  5. What can you buy for the penis-birthed child who has everything?

  6. EricLR

    How much for two 8-year-olds?

  7. Josephus

    “Dammit. They saw me. All right Josh. No sudden movements. Slowly pull it out. Careful, don’t disturb any of the other stuffed toys. Slowly…::pop::…all right. Now pull up the zipper…slowly…::rip:: Son of a bitch.”

  8. Really, I thought it was just a giant clit.

  9. “Let’s see, stuffed animals, toys, diapers, educational videos, then there’s private school and Jesus Christ, college… Fuck! Ok, lemme think, $10k for a hitman, its my fifth time, so the next one’s free, I can do them both…”

  10. Sir, you do realize you are using the breast pump on the wrong body part?

  11. “The fuck I do to my life?”

  12. “Th’fuck I do to my life?”

  13. “I had it all: the money, the cars, the women, the career prospects… I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE NEXT COLE HAUSER, MAN!”

  14. “I threw out every diaper we had just to get out of that house”.

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