superficial

  1. “Com on luv…. Suck face with me. I want to send this pic to your ex.
    Nah he’s totally cool about things now. I swear.”

  2. “No, seriously, I’m not going to kiss you until you explain that fucking shirt to me.”

  3. Getting knocked up by Simon Cowell is like winning Powerball — but with moobs.

  4. Pilin

    “Your life and the baby are mine

  5. EricLR

    Darling, I love you so much….for now.

  6. the look on the girl in the backgrounds face is mirrored on each of you as you view this picture.

  7. Simon obviously doesn’t understand how the baby mama game works. She’s already pregnant, so no more sex for you. She already got what she wanted.

  8. “At my age, definitely. The reality is, with the way I live my life, I wouldn’t have the patience. I’d sort of want people born at the age of 10, I think.”

    “God, no. I couldn’t have children. If I had them here drawing on the walls I’d go nuts. With kids, you’ve got a routine you can’t escape from. You’ve got to be up at a certain time. Got to listen. When all you want to do is sit in a corner thinking.”

    “I’m not sure if I could deal with the ‘ga ga goo’ thing. If they could be born at the age of five, I’d quite like that.”

    “”I guess I just envisaged that if I had a son and he was 16, 17, I would have liked to have played soccer with him but I couldn’t see myself doing that. Not that my life has changed that much since my twenties. I’ve calmed down a bit, I guess, but I don’t feel any more tired than I used to. But it was just that image of my son saying: ‘Can we go and play football?’ and me saying: ‘I can’t.’”

    I still say she ‘oopsed’ him.

  9. Every time he kisses her, it costs him $30,000.

    • Ripley's Believe It Or Not

      Welcome aboard. Don’t let the shit being flung around hit you in the face (some do, and they get upset about it).

  10. whatever

    a very long lasting relationship with a married woman, what did simon give her husband? free hookers he brought along, so simon could have this other guys wife all for himself, ain’t it pretty? and now she’s pregnant, simon has no shame, zero, takes whatever he wants

  11. mavis davis

    She’ll birth the hariest little dwarf ever.

  12. “Julia Roberts didn’t kiss her client!”
    “Richard Gere didn’t pay 63 million.”

  13. Honey, thanks for finding another wonderful shirt with only half the buttons! I don’t know how you do it.

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