1. “No Dan, I don’t think he was the real father of this one either.”

  2. “So as you can see, this is before he had all that plastic surgery and turned into someone else. That’s always just so sad.”

  3. “This… this is what I wanted my nose to look like… Why is that so fucking hard?”

  4. “That’s a monkey. I deep fried a monkey in one of my restaurants once. It was good eating.”

  5. cajunhawk

    “I got in a wrestling match with this little monkey and let me tell you…he knows where the genitals are on a man.”

  6. cc

    ‘I’m a monkey’s uncle!’

  7. “The thing about monkeys is that you got to know when to hold em.”

  8. “And that’s why Blanket always keeps his face covered.”

  9. “Part of what’s left of Kenny Rogers” might have been more accurate.

  10. “That Bubbles could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.”

  11. themedulla

    And then I woke up, there was a strong smell of ether and that monkey had has finger in my…


  13. Well, I was drunk off my ass but still said “Mikey, you can’t have sex with the chimp. It’s not right.” Mike smiled, chugged a quart of tequila, ripped of his flood pants and said, “Just watch me, bitch.”

  14. “Kenny Rogers and Dan Rather at The Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum in Nashville, TN.”

    Take a look at this pic again. Now do you really think your description is providing remotely enough context?

  15. JimBB

    You know Dan, the one thing that Michael never learned was that there’s a time NOT to hold ‘em too.

  16. I’m sure there is a riveting story behind Kenny Rogers and that photo. With any luck, and perhaps if we pay him extra, Dan Rather will keep it to himself.

  17. “Michael Jackson was high when he gave this to me. Also, that monkey bit me after I accused him of cheating at cards.”

  18. “This right there is Michael holding me when I was just a little boy.”

  19. Swearin

    “Alright, show me on the monkey where the monkey’s owner touched you.”

  20. You got to know when to hold em
    know when to fold em
    know when to walk away

  21. shripette

    “if that little monkey had just looked down and seen Mike was getting aroused, he probably could made a break for it before it was too late!”

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