1. “You think its real, don’t you James??”

    “Yes….yessss, it looks fabulous, I can’t even see the adhesive.”

    “What? No! I’m talking about Scientology! Oh look, you have a boner.”

    “Suck it, Jonathon.”

    “Is my wife looking?”

  2. “It’s ok, John. Battlefield Earth sucked. Shhhh.”

  3. cc

    Wow, does Kelly know you use her Venus razor on your face? It so smooth..and I love the smell!

  4. schadenfreude

    No James, I’m not gay. Now kiss me you fool!

  5. James is checking out John to see if he is pimping-worthy.

  6. Hugh Jazz

    “Favorite word?”
    “Least favorite word?”
    “Still moist.”

  7. “John, I found a gray hair in my beard this morning. Do you happen to have any extra India ink?”

  8. ruckus

    “In Look Who’s Talking, you famously drank coffee with breast milk in it. Have you ever had a Lipton Tea Bag?”

  9. Jenn

    Oh, John, this stupid facial hair deserves a bitch slap. Be glad my pimp hand is out of practice.

  10. If Xenu exists, what would you like to hear Xenu say when you arrive at Clear?

  11. “James, please. Just the tip, I swear!”

  12. “I’ve never been on your show”
    “And you never will”

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