superficial

  1. “Blaine? His name is Blaine? That’s not a name it’s a major appliance!”

  2. dooood

    nice guy. held a door open for me once

  3. broduh jenner

    more like david gained (300lbs)

  4. EricLr

    This app tells me where my 4 fans are at all times.

  5. Nice bike.

    BTW, you’re a shithead

  6. Deacon Jones

    (in dry, montone voice)

    “You ladies like my bike?”

    “You look like a 5 year old child.”

    “Good, good. Now pay attention to this watch.”

  7. His newest trick: Making his masculinity disappear.

  8. Evil Monkey

    Based on the size of that bike I’d say he’s compensating.

  9. PtC

    Look, Octomom, I’ll give you $20 to let me take some topless pis of you on my bike.

  10. dontkillthemessenger

    Think of any number in your head and I’ll read your mind…

    No, not the fake phone number you’re about to give me.

  11. I'mCool

    “… and it says, ‘You have reached your destination.’ But I don’t see an Arby’s. Do you see an Arby’s?”

  12. Bigalkie

    For my next great illusion, I will make myself attractive.

  13. DeucePickle

    “Yeah, I’ve got my crocs on but that’s just to give you a point of reference to the size”.

  14. El Jefe

    To that retards out there that always call BMW cars beamers, that is a beamer. The cars are bimmers.

    • I'mCool

      Well played, El Jefe.

      Except this game is not “high/low” and you do not collect half the pot for scoring worst.

  15. Matty

    “Wanna see me pull a rabbit out of my pants?”

  16. Yet Jason Sudekis has Olivia Wilde on the back or a fart-powered scooter. Go figure.

  17. The Brown Streak

    “And now for my next trick…watch the money in your bank account….DISAPPEAR!”

  18. Let’s see if he can make that spare tire disappear.

  19. cc

    All joking aside, if he really can do all the things he does on the show without and tricks or deception, shouldn’t science being studying the shit out of how he changes matter using just his thoughts?

  20. Urvag

    Girl with braid: You want my number? Ain’t no magic gonna get your fat magic ass laid!

  21. Justin

    “Check out this wayback machine app…see how popular I was then?”

  22. Swearin

    “Did I ever tell you about the trick where I made all my money disappear?” *pats bike*

  23. I just carry this microwave around in case I get hungry

  24. So is he delivering pizzas now?

  25. wheeeeeeee

    STOP PUTTING CHEEZITS ON ME DAVID BLAINE!

  26. squishy

    Gross, who is that??

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