superficial

  1. “Finally! With this degree, now perhaps I can make something out of my life!”

  2. Unbeknownst to the audience, Steve Guttenberg is crouched below the podium.

  3. I hate Oprah.

    Fucking hate her.

    Every time I see her fucking narcissistic face on O magazine at the checkout I feel my blood pressure rising like the saturated fat that courses through her face.

    • You just put “O” and “face” together for this and that’s all I will ever think of from now on when I have the misfortune of seeing or hearing this fucking cunt.

      Thanks. Thanks a lot.

  4. Did you know that Oprah sponsors and endorses a facial cream made from cells harvested from male genital mutilation?

  5. Batu Khan

    One of the few people who can still afford a college education in America… and they give it to her free!

  6. Natty Ice

    Pfft…whatever Oprah. Kim Kardashian would have opened up much wider with that microphone.

  7. You must own your power. © ™

  8. “C’mon now, EVERYONE!…Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream…”

  9. kravdan

    “You get a degree, you get a degree, and you get a degree, everybody gets a degree”

  10. MrChips

    “Is anybody else’s vajayjay painin?”

  11. cc

    Her speech ‘Why your degree is practically worthless in today’s economy’ was poorly received,I hear.

  12. This is so unmerited that I think I should give everyone involved…
    A NEW CAAAAAAAAAAARRRR!!!!!!!!

  13. MayorMcCheese

    SHE GET’S IT PEOPLE! For the 9 billionth time.

  14. Rick

    Ooo-ooo-ooo AAAH-AAAH-AAAH!!!

  15. Her channel took Discovery Health off in my area. I’ll never forgive her for replacing the likes of Dr. G with the inane twaddle provided by OWN. I reprogrammed my TV so now it’s like that channel doesn’t exist. Too bad I can’t do the same to Oprah. Ugh

  16. It’s Enrico Pallazzo!

  17. “Deutsches Volk! Nationalsozialisten! Von schweren Sorgen bedrückt, zu monatelangem Schweigen verurteilt, ist nun die Stunde gekommen, in der ich endlich offen sprechen kann!”

  18. Clown Shoes

    Oprah explaining to a sea of caucasian faces, that despite the fact she wasn’t accepted as a student many years ago – she followed her dreams and persevered so that someday she could address a graduating class and receive an honorary degree, in exchange for her speaking fee of course.

  19. “…And if you didn’t know, just the mere sound of my voice is like sweet nothings from Jesus Himself. My words make butterflies and Febreze prance from your anuses. Compel the Sudanese to drop full canteens of water to drink me. And yes, I can even unlock the mystery of why Ke$ha has a career. I, Oprah, can do all of these things. If you’d just keep your minds open…to only me.”

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