superficial

  1. The man never thought he would be lucky enough to have children of his own one day, especially at his advanced age.

    “Thank you, Alexander Skarsgard!” he called out, as he thoughtfully, and just a touch wistfully, stroked his growing belly.

  2. God, it is ridiculous how hot that guy is. *sighs*

  3. “You got my wife pregnant!”
    “Yep”
    “She’s 20 years past menopause”
    “You’re welcome.” *flies away to Mila Kunis’ house*

  4. ” Did you sleep with my daughter?”
    “Probably. Is she a woman with a healthy sex drive?”
    “Yes!”
    “Then yes. I did sleep with your daughter.”

  5. “Hey, old man! Switch pants with me, would ya?”

  6. The chain link fence just got more links.

  7. dontkillthemessenger

    There are cargo pants, then there’s walking self storage units.

  8. fred

    “So if I keep nailing guys, there’s a greater chance that I will look like you in 10 years and not Magic Johnson?”

  9. Swearin

    “Hello, who are you?”
    “I’m you, from the future”
    “……”
    “Yeah, stop having sex with everyone. And btw, True Blood is still going and you’re still on it.”

  10. This photo makes my uterus tingle.

  11. …and so this skinny fucker drove up and asked if I had heroin. I told him no and he threw a bottle at me. What a douche! Say you want to to go for sushi? I know a great place around here!

  12. .......

    He is fucking fine.

  13. “Fer fuck sake, Dad, do you have to follow me everywhere?

Leave A Comment