1. “These boots fit like a vagina… I mean glove… I mean boot!”

  2. Inner Retard

    ‘House of Lies’ – He’s starting with the most obvious one any man would make. We’ll just call it the Entry lie. The lie all other lies start from.

  3. “So I’m sittin’ there pissing, right? And guess who walks up to the urinal next to me? JOHN FUCKING HAMM! He’s like, ‘Rrrrraaaagh.’ pullin’ that thing out like it’s a goddam elephant trunk or some shit!”

    • ‘Rrrrraaaagh’


    • Dox

      Sadly, you just gave me this vision of a tyrannosaur like penis with tiny little arms that flops out of a zipper, rawring its way as men and women alike flee in terror.

      Ah fuck. I think we just came up with the next M Night Shamamalamamalyn film.

  4. “And then I said piss on Rwanda. Piss on hotels, too. Piss on Iron Man, War Machine, and Gwyneth Paltrow’s Christmas Cards. I’ll piss on Tommy Lee Jones. I didn’t get to be a Man in Black. I had to be in Volcano. And piss on Marky Mark. Bright Shining Star my ass. White dwarf, more like it. Piss on Veronica Mars, too. Oh yeah, and that’s when the pissing starts feeling good. Gonna’ give that a shake.”

  5. “My balls hang low just like Tom Cruise career !” No No I’ll Show ya.

  6. JimBB

    Don Cheadle’s famous invisible penis is seconds away from striking once again!!

  7. Vlad

    ‘scuse me while ah whip this out

    but Mr. Cheadle, there’s nothing there.

    a’ight, but if there was, it’d be HUGE!

  8. “I use to coax it out with a real bag of peanuts until it grabbed the peanuts and shoved them up my ass.

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