1. JC

    “So old chap, you can use this device to fix me inbred DNA?”
    “Um…no. But on the plus side, the radiation cannot cause you further harm.”

  2. Really? Harry was coked up enough to stuff his willy in that? Man, I’m so sorry. I’ll have Gran speak with him again.

  3. “…and how does the cat get in there?”

  4. “…and then the baby simply POPPED out of a hole just below your wife’s tummy just like this.”

  5. ‘Absolutely brilliant! I really can see straight up the skirts in the nurse’s station!’

  6. Inner Retard

    - So, this can be used to blow up planets?
    - Nooo, this uses lasers to help people feel better.
    - Yeah… but what if we gave it more juice. Just go with me on this…

  7. So you say one blast from this and you don’t have to wear a condom, your queen’s hooha doesn’t have to pass a basketball, and no little pretenders to throne to worry about? And you say it was just invented 18 months ago, you fucking wanker?

  8. JimBB

    “And this machine here checks for serious chromosome damage, usually caused by radiation poisoning or severe inbreeding…”

    “Jolly interesting! And why is it blinking like that?”

  9. dontkillthemessenger

    So once she finally dies and you become King, we’ll throw her in here, grind her up, and make awesome Royal Burgers.

  10. Look at me, I’m gonna be be the first person in the world to be sent by television!

  11. PassingTrue

    Ohhh, and you have the device that goes “ping.”

  12. crb

    So you’re saying if I shave my head, we can mount one of these things on The Moon and hold the Earth hostage for one million dollars?!!

  13. I’m sorry your Royal Highness, but that machine doesn’t restore hair either.

  14. “Your father told us to tell you to look directly into the deadly laser.”

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