i gotta start taking my kid to the playground more!

Aww, adoption is a beautiful thing.

Is it just me or do this kid and Suri look like psychos?

Gorgeous.

We’ve all just been hexed and hexed hard…dammit and right before the start of a holiday weekend too.

In high school her sister was considered hotter than she.

The kid just realized that her teacher wants to turn her mom into a glazed doughnut.

Luck, the new scent from Calvin Klein. For when the rhythm method fails you.

Who ‘shopped Drew Barrymore from Poltergiest into this picture?

I’d love to push her on the swing. Mom, not the kid.

I think I just had a wet dream.

Now you stay here honey, mommy’s gotta go parade in front of the paps.

mom’s sunglasses cost more than the kid’s entire outfit.

That kid is trying to steal my soul. Sorry kid, don’t have one. I will fuck your mom, though.

Hey Kid,
Are those space pants you’re wearing? ‘Cause your a…. uh, no, wait, scratch that.

I horseshoe on the kids shirt is the wrong way, up means good luck, and down means the other thing.

“Yes mommy, I told that bitch Suri to back the fuck off or i’ll shit in her milkshake and that her mommy has flappy tits and takes a beating from midgets just like you told me to. Now can I have a puppy?”

“You with the camera. If you fap to pictures of my mommy I will eat your soul!”

No matter how good looking you are, if you have an ugly man’s kid, the kid will be ugly.

Hot women should marry hot men with great genes only. Not ugly wealthy men. The world needs more beautiful people. Stop making ugly babies.

…” Mom I want “my” stylist fired today!!”

‘Neener. Neeener. Neener. I came out of a supermodel’s vagina and you didn’t, loser!’