1. “What do you mean ‘there are no step stools needed for sex’?”

  2. patch

    “…then Tom put his ear near John’s penis, like this, to listen for his pulse. I thought it a little bit strange.”

  3. Dave

    “Miss Holmes, what is it like to experience human emotions again after such a long time?”

  4. Animal

    “So you’re saying, under oath I remind you, that you were unaware Scientology was dreamed up by a mentally disturbed, sexually deviant hack writer?”

  5. MegP

    “Huh. I haven’t looked at the sun in, oh, say five years now. Or the flowers. Or anything beautiful. I’m alive, I’m really alive!”

  6. Nicocorico

    “I love you Chunk!”

  7. catapostrophe

    “Can you verify your ex-husband’s whereabouts on the night your daughter Suri was conceived?”

  8. JC

    “I’ve been holding my head like this for hours, but the thought control chip still won’t fall out.”

  9. Happy_Evil_Dude

    Miss Holmes was visibly perturbed by the sight of the microphone. It was startlingly obvious she wasn’t used to speak words that weren’t given to her on a piece of paper.

  10. tlmck

    “Hey Katie. What color is a blue car?”

  11. Johnny P!

    Sometimes, the microchip powers up again for a moment, but it passes…

  12. Her reaction to the mic tells me that she lacks the Kardassian gene.

  13. EricLr

    What *is* that?

    It’s an erect penis, ma’am.

  14. Jon and Kate Plus Hate

    “So you no longer believe a giant clam burped and created the universe….Is that what you really believe Ms. Cruise, that this was a freakin hoax?……Somebody go get the electro shock thingys, we’ve gotta runaway !!!!”

  15. She’s starting to look human again. I like it.

  16. “Yes, Tom likes to watch gay porn sides ways like this you see, it helps alleviates his vertical shortness.”

  17. oldfool

    The Suri stare. “Can you Suri, can you picnic?”

  18. Later

    ….”Do you think this is a motherfucking game??”…

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