superficial

  1. catapostrophe

    The woman declined the following offers:

    1. Have sex with me?
    2. Have sex with me for $50?
    3. Have sex with me for $65?
    4. Let me touch you?
    5. Let me pet your dog?
    6. Wanna hear a new O.J. Simpson joke?
    7. Can I give you an autograph?

  2. How he scores hot chicks is beyond me… He must be a real living tripod…

  3. Yeah hon. We’re all that bored with his act too.

  4. “hey, I’m David Spade. See those paparazzi? They’re following me. Want to have sex?”

  5. “I’ll do you, my pretty! And your little dog, too!”

  6. Moo Cow Hunter

    Based on her expression after 5 minutes with Spade even a mildly average looking guy driving by in a used Civic can look good.

  7. I would say that chick’s out of his league, but his track record speaks for itself.

  8. Visible Ink

    David, how many times must I tell you. “I see your dog has fleas. You know I play a flea in my next movie.” is not a good pick up line!

  9. Hey, I used to be on Saturday Night Live. Ask your parents if you don’t believe me.

  10. “Frankly David, I’d rather have my dog shit on my boo—What the #$% ?!?”

  11. ThisWillHurt

    “Lady, if you don’t get me the hell away from David Spade, I will have no choice but to piss all over your new boots . . . You were warned.”

  12. Hugh Gentry

    Ever have your asshole licked by a short guy in brown sweatpants?

  13. contusion

    The dog is having the same reaction I have whenever I see David Spade.

  14. “Um, yeah…I can’t. I have an internet boyfriend…and he’s really, um, terminally ill. It’s super sad.”

  15. tlmck

    “Don’t worry about those guys with cameras. I just pay them to take pics of me talking to girls.”

  16. “Shouldn’t you be in school right now?”
    “Shouldn’t you?”

  17. “I’m David Spade. When they tell you to have your dog Spayed, I’m the one who does it. And I can do YOU, too.”

  18. jep

    “So I humped your dog. Big deal.”

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