1. Relax ladies, there’s enough Simon to go around…and then some.

    • Shave

      He definitely has too much chest hair. I bet he has a hairy back, too. Just the thought makes me want to throw up.

  2. Smells like Seacrest

  3. “Okay, it looks funny on my nose, but I’d be mortified to walk around with this in my mouth… What?”

  4. Venom

    Does this boat ever actually leave the dock?

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