Tree rape!

Tree herpes!

She’ll do just about anything if a camera is pointed her way.

“I queef you a Merry Christmas!”

That’s some bush.

Fun Fact: That tree is only 3′ tall.

Marking her territory??

One of the biggest threats to the natural world – The Forest Asian

That particular fetish is only for the very patient.

Got her nipples stuck in the sap.

And two nipples in a pear tree.

Hey look – if those car mirror hangie thingies work in my station wagon, a whole damn tree _should_ work on her hoo-haw.

With her being Asian I assume she’s packing a bush that just as big down there.

Hey Bai… while I’m sure fucking you feels like kicking a hotdog down Main Street, I don’t think you can shoplift this tree by shoving it in your ‘secret wonton wrapper’.

“Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,”
“Me love you long time, Christmas Tree.”

“No no no! I said ornamental, not Oriental! Geez!”

God help us if that tree ever becomes toothpicks or tissues.

Damn Tree Huggers! We can’t give Christmas trees away around here. They climb out, then they are in your house, looking through all your shit.

Don’t waste your time, Carnivorous Tree… you’ll just be hungry again in an hour.

Did you know that Bai Ling is Chinese for Paz De La Heurta?

“Don’t climb up there, Bai Ling. You don’t really want to be the Angel on the top of the tree, do you? Cuz you know where you’ll have to stick the top branch?”

hump a stump why don’t you.