instead of having the orchestra nudge long speeches off the stage this year, they invited one of the three Fates from mythology. pictured above: Atropos.

Thinks, “…Perhaps I too can land a half-decent movie director if I act all sullen like Kristen?…”

“I am glad it’s a cool day, otherwise the three dead bodies in the trunk of the car would start to stink. I’ll have to remember to swing by the quarry when the show is over.”

She’s a beautiful woman, but she looks completely miserable.

“And who are you wearing?”
“This dress is entirely woven from my negative thoughts. The dark swirls through the skirt are my recent regrets of motherhood.”

Oh just stop it with the “little girl lost” routine. And while you’re at it, eat something. In fact, kill two birds with one stone: Five Guys has been known to put a smile on the face of one or two people.

“I can’t steal your husband, Jolie, but I CAN steal your film roles…”