Hear Ye! Hear Ye! The Duchess of Cambridge’s Royal Uterus Has Been Sperminated!

The Superficial / December 3, 2012

“You’ve done it now, William, there’s no saving the bloodline after this. Why could you not have a girl, mother?!”
After all that naked stuff happened to them back in September, Kate Middleton and Prince Charles needed something to distract from the Royal Brillo Pad of Pelvicton Lane and while racism seemed like a good… More »

Paris Hilton Still Thinks She’s A DJ And Other News

The Superficial / December 3, 2012

- Katie Holmes can actually act without a stomach full of Xenu pills. Who knew? [Lainey Gossip]
- Girls With Future Lower Back Problems are here to help you through your Monday. [theCHIVE]
– The time Florida wouldn’t let Christian Slater vote, a tale for the ages. [Dlisted]
- Tina Fey’s daughter is literally a… More »

Lindsay Lohan Got In Drunk Bar Fight Over Max George of The Wanted

The Superficial / November 29, 2012

Apparently the drunken punch that landed Lindsay Lohan in cuffs this morning was all over Max George of The Wanted (above) not being in the mood to bang a freckled slopbox of fail even though he has a penis and was also drunk which really says a lot about what it’s like to look at… More »

NBC Tried To Hide Ke$ha’s Butt, Probably Should’ve Been More Concerned With The Fisting

The Superficial / November 20, 2012

Because one post about a hand up a butt deserves another – *updates mission statement* – here’s Ke$ha performing on TODAY this morning where NBC wisely decided to hide her fishnet-covered ass cheeks while not-so-wisely neglecting to make sure her stage show doesn’t involve getting fisted by Rufio and the Golden Triangle Brigade. Which should… More »

Jessica Simpson Wore Skinny Jeans

The Superficial / November 19, 2012

“And once again, this isn’t a Fuddrucker’s. Every time…
Here’s Jessica Simpson wearing what people with vaginas tell me are “skinny jeans” which after tuning said vagina talkers out, I assume means they make your legs look thinner while doing absolutely nothing for your upper body. In fact, I’d go so far to say they… More »

Ke$ha’s Vulva Performed At The AMAs

The Superficial / November 19, 2012

Here’s Ke$ha performing at the AMAs last night because it’s time we had a talk with God about his handiwork, so here goes: Dude, you see this? Don’t ever do that again unless you’re going to give it a penis or strangle it when it crawls out of the womb. Now what’s going on with… More »

Sheldon Stephens Is Elmo’s Accuser

The Superficial / November 15, 2012

Because sometimes, but not too often or else it’ll get ideas, the Internet does more than just fill our eyes with delicious porn and babies dressed like Iron Man (No one suggest combining those two. I know you’re thinking about it.), The Smoking Gun has discovered the identity of Kevin Clash’s accuser: 24-year-old Sheldon Stephens,… More »

Snooki’s New Teeth Look Fantastic

Photo Boy / November 14, 2012

Posted by Photo Boy
While MTV’s Jersey Shore is finally uttering its death rattle after this season, The Little Ewok That Could spawn super-AIDS is apparently thriving. Not only is she launching another product tailor-made for that sweet 15 year old prostitute demographic, but she’s also achieved the type of middling wealth that buys cosmetic… More »

Bertney’s Mama & Papa Won That Dang Ol’ Court Case ‘Gainst That There Mooslim Fella (Not Obama)

The Superficial / November 2, 2012

After attempting to paint himself as a walking rehab clinic/management team that helped Britney Spears kick a fictional meth habit, Sam Lutfi saw his lawsuit against Bertney and her parents completely thrown out yesterday which is usually what happens when you’re completely full of shit. TMZ reports:
Lutfi had filed a lawsuit — claiming the… More »

Kate Gosselin Just Got Fired From Coupon Cabin

The Superficial / October 16, 2012

“Are coupons little Asian children that suck the life out of you? Because I know about those. And stuffing them into a cabin.”

Probably because her first post right out of the gate wasn’t about coupons but instead denying those pesky plastic surgery rumors that, well, you’d have to be famous like her… More »

The Hulk Hogan Sex Tape Was Leaked By Bubba’s ‘Disgruntled Former Employee.’ Sure, It Was.

The Superficial / October 11, 2012

“So she’s going wild on my Hulkamania, and that’s when I notice these beautiful artisan pickles on the armoire. Just perfectly hand-crafted.”
According to TMZ, at the very end of the Hulk Hogan sex tape he had no idea was secretly being filmed, Hulk’s best friend Bubba the Love Sponge turns to his wife HeatherMore »


The Superficial / October 11, 2012

Posted by Photo Boy
- Ben Affleck’s interview in The Hollywood Reporter is apparently great, so just assume it includes a detailed account and pictures of him banging Blake Lively. [Lainey Gossip]
– Redheads Breasts – Self-Esteem = Thursdays at [theCHIVE]
- Leona Lewis may have misunderstood the spanking in Fifty Shades of Grey. [Dlisted]… More »

Madonna Calls Obama A Black Muslim, Threatens To Strip If He’s Re-Elected. NOT HELPING.

The Superficial / September 25, 2012

Because she’s an idiot, Madonna genuinely believed she could influence the outcome of the presidential election in Obama’s favor by calling him America’s first black Muslim president and then promising to strip if he’s re-elected. So if someone could patch me through to Mitt Romney, I’d like to congratulate him on his win. Good race. More »

Rihanna Tweeted Prayers And Support For Chris Brown’s Probation Hearing, Isn’t Wearing Pants

The Superficial / September 25, 2012

Chris Brown is still on probation for beating the ever-living shit out of Rihanna, but thanks to Stockholm Syndrome of the fists, they’re more than likely fucking again already so she tweeted the following yesterday before his hearing:
– Praying for you baby, my best wishes are with you today! Remember that whatever God doe… More »

This Post Is About Taylor Swift’s Crazy Prominent Cameltoe And How I Never Noticed It Before

The Superficial / September 24, 2012

My that’s a crazy prominent cameltoe. I’ve never noticed it before. (Toldja.)

Slide Down The Bench, Reese

More »

The Taliban Are Trying To Kill Prince Harry

The Superficial / September 10, 2012

So remember when I joked about The Queen wanting some sort of “accident” to happen to Prince Harry after his naked party pics embarrassed the Royal Family? Uhhhh…
“We are using all our strength to get rid of him, either by killing or kidnapping,” Taliban spokesman Zabihullah Mujahid told Reuters by telephone from an undisclosed… More »

So Nicki Minaj Is A Republican

The Superficial / September 4, 2012

If you follow politics closely, you may have noticed the blogosphere freaking out today over claims that Nicki Minaj is a Republican even though she’s black with a foot-long yucky Satan hole making her everything the GOP stands against. Even more ridiculous, the source is a Lil Wayne track where Nicki claims to be hanging… More »

Calvin Klein Made Alexander Skarsgard GIFs

The Superficial / August 22, 2012

Put this on and prepare to lose hours of your life if not days. In fact, some of you might not be going home tonight, so I want you to know I’ll always cherish the times you clicked on this site so I didn’t have to wear pants.
See you on the other side. More »

Justin Bieber To Prince William: ‘Yo, Why You Bald?’

The Superficial / August 8, 2012

In case you were wondering how the Justin Bieber “I’m A Little Shithead” tour is going, he’s now moved on to insulting British royalty for going bald because apparently everyone should have finely coiffed, Canadian Maple Christ hair, that probably softens to the touch and smells of cinnamon and gummy bears. Or so I hear. More »

Bryan Cranston Got a Real Bargain on The Dutch Hooker Who Took His Virginity

Photo Boy / August 2, 2012

“And for an extra 3 guilders, POW — Right in the titties!”
Posted by Photo Boy
Bryan Cranston is probably the greatest actor of all time. Ok, that could be a bit of an overstatement, but not if you’re not a fan of Breaking Bad and/or stories involving teenagers tricking their parents into funding their… More »

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