There’s A Naked Statue of Kim Kardashian Pregnant

The Superficial | June 6, 2013 - 10:37 am

After attempting to blight the eyes of God with such creations as The Underage Armadillo Gang-Bang Will Be Televised and Hey, Remember Looney Tunes? I Turned Them Into Justin Bieber’s Dick, here’s Daniel Edwards’ latest artistic endeavor which is, at last, his true golden calf, and I’m specifically saying that because it’s a naked statue… More »

Steven Seagal Is A Russian Arms Dealer Now

The Superficial | June 4, 2013 - 1:25 pm

A little background: Last week, Republican congressman Dana Rohrabacher was really hoping to find some clues to the Boston Marathon Bombing that would ideally show the Tsarnaev brothers were Obama’s illegitimate sons (You know black guys…) or at the very least, smuggled into the country with his Kenyan Muslim magic. So Rohrabacher enlisted the aid… More »

Justin Bieber’s Driving Like A Shithead Again

The Superficial | May 28, 2013 - 8:00 am

Justin Bieber’s already been in trouble once this year for racing his Ferrari through his gated neighborhood then spitting in the face of neighbors telling him to slow down. (It’s all about Christ’s love, y’all.) So it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that he’s being investigated again, this time for almost plowing over children. More »

Alice Eve’s Breasts Are In This Post

The Superficial | May 23, 2013 - 1:06 pm

While The Pope just nullified Pascal’s wager and theoretically tore a hole in the supernatural universe, unleashing all the terrifying consequences that come with that, he doesn’t have spectacular breasts so I don’t even know why I brought it up. But Alice Eve does, so here she is on Conan where she ironically talks about… More »

Jann Wenner Made His 22-Year-Old Son The Head of

The Superficial | May 21, 2013 - 10:17 am

Nepotism is a tricky move to pull off because it’s almost always a sure-fire way to immediately lose the trust and respect of your employees even though they’ll go to extreme lengths to hide that fact from you while secretly getting their resume ready before you can replace them with your cousin. My point is… More »

Good Morning, Courtney Robertson Bikini Photos, And Other News

The Superficial | May 16, 2013 - 8:00 am

- Tom Cruise showed up to the premiere of Star Trek Into Darkness to tell J.J. Abrams the true story about the events of Star Wars: Episode VII. “Not a lot of people know this but L. Ron Hubbard invented the Force…” [Lainey Gossip]
- Brooke Mueller doesn’t want to lose custody of the $55,000… More »

Surprise! You Were Never Going To Be Kim Kardashian: An Open Letter To Farrah Abraham

The Superficial | May 10, 2013 - 1:31 pm

Hey, Farrah, how you doing?
By now your sex tape has been out for an entire business week, and you probably feel pretty awesome because everyone’s talking about you and doing interviews with you and totally believing all your horseshit.
Except they’re not, and welcome to your last remaining bits of Internet.
You see, Farrah,… More »

Mariah Carey Let Nick Cannon Watch The Kids So She Can Bang This Motorcycle

The Superficial | May 10, 2013 - 10:41 am

Here’s the video for Mariah Carey’s new single “#Beautiful” which proves how young and sexy she is by it’s use of a hashtag and Miquel wanting to watch her strip in barn as today’s youth are so fond of. When asked for his reaction to the video, Nick Cannon said, “Massa don’t let me use… More »

Gerard Butler Doesn’t Want You To See This Photo of Him Flirting With Miranda Kerr

The Superficial | May 9, 2013 - 1:07 pm

For a man who openly and unabashedly bangs Real Housewives and random women at Coachella in chemical toilets, Gerard Butler still has impressive game because he spent not one, but two red carpet events flirting with a willing, and married, Miranda Kerr. On top of that, he’s apparently capable of a “bro-hug” that’s like getting… More »

Jenny McCarthy’s House Is Full Of Tween Boners

Photo Boy | May 2, 2013 - 2:30 pm

Posted by Photo Boy
Earlier today a Twitter feud erupted between Jenny McCarthy and Amanda Bynes that started and ended too quickly for me to care about more than the time Jenny talked about her son’s friends’ erections and compared her vagina to deli meat. HuffPost Celebrity:
His friends come over and are already ogling…… More »

Miley Cyrus Is A Totally Mature Artist, You Guys

Photo Boy | May 2, 2013 - 11:30 am

Oops, almost forgot dang ol’. Her dang ol’ boobies are out, too.
Posted by Photo Boy
In case your radar somehow missed her barely covered squirrel pelt yesterday, Miley Cyrus is on the cover of V Magazine’s Summer 2013 issue. Her interview, alongside Pharrell Williams who’s producing her new record, is about as navel-gazing as… More »

!!SPOILER ALERT!! The New Spider-Man’s Going To Have Even More Gay Sex

Photo Boy | April 30, 2013 - 10:30 am

Posted by Photo Boy
While I think comic books are cool and have spawned some decent flicks, I don’t really know much about them. I have no clue what it means for something to be “cannon,” or whether anything happening in these photos is some amazing reference to an issue where the author hinted at… More »

Joel Schumacher Works For Beyonce Now

The Superficial | April 16, 2013 - 2:03 pm

I’m sorry. Did you have a better explanation for this?
Photos: Splash NewsMore »

Justin Bieber Wishes Anne Frank Was A Belieber

The Superficial | April 15, 2013 - 9:53 am

Before this weekend, if you had asked me what’s the worst thing Justin Bieber’s ever done to a woman, I would’ve said raped Mariah Yeater then used his power and influence to destroy her in the press by making it look like the resulting baby was her drug addict ex-boyfriend’s. Except that was then and… More »

Good Morning, Jessica Lowndes, And Other News

The Superficial | April 15, 2013 - 8:00 am

- Tom Cruise believes he’s descended from Irish knights now, so I’ll just assume he forgot the word Jedi because he’s dyslexic. [Lainey Gossip]
- Lindsay Lohan won’t go to rehab now because they won’t let her take Adderall, so this should end well. [Dlisted]
- Legs For Days, and no, these aren’t Amanda Bynes… More »

WEEKEND NERDIOR: ‘Man of Steel’ Edition

The Superficial | April 14, 2013 - 3:59 pm

It may be a beautiful spring Sunday outside, but fresh air is the enemy and I’ll be goddamned if I’m about to let its invigorating aroma stop me from talking about Superman on the Internet. Also, there might be bees. Anyway, let’s jump right into this week’s edition of Weekend Nerdior where apparently it’s DC… More »

Amanda Bynes Threatens To Sue Anyone Who Reports The Story I’m About To Report

The Superficial | April 8, 2013 - 3:00 pm

[Ed. Note: Amanda Bynes has requested the media only use photos of her she’s posted to Twitter. Done. – SW]
Earlier today, Page Six ran the following report alleging Amanda Bynes was kicked out of her gymnastics class for acting like Amanda Bynes:
One witness told us Bynes first turned up at the class alone… More »

WEEKEND NERDIOR: Marvel Phase Two Edition

The Superficial | April 7, 2013 - 2:38 pm

And now for the part of the week where I snuff out what tiny chance this site gives me of getting laid by rambling on about comics, video games and/or my deep concern about who’s wearing green booty shorts next to Batman. I probably should’ve named this column “Dust Penis,” but after months staring at… More »

How Lindsay Lohan Ended Up With Her Shitty Lawyer

The Superficial | March 21, 2013 - 11:13 am

It’s just been assumed that Lindsay Lohan hired Mark Heller as her attorney because he works for blowjobs instead of real money, but apparently that’s only 75-90% of it. Turns out Lindsay works with Heller’s son Mike who arranges for celebrities to “party” with wealthy guests in the Hamptons which also explains how Dina finds… More »

Tiger Woods & Lindsey Vonn Announced They’re Dating On Facebook With A Couples Photo Shoot

The Superficial | March 18, 2013 - 2:26 pm

“I love you, Tiger.”
“And I love you, Malin Aker- Lindsey, Lindsey.”
Apparently someone told Tiger Woods that perhaps relating to the common man might improve his golf game because here he is posing with Lindsey Vonn for a Facebook photo album announcing their committed, non-marital sex to the world despite the fact he’s always… More »

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