If I Could Ask God One Question, It’s Why The Hell Did You Let Justin Bieber Have Sex With This?

The Superficial / August 16, 2013

Here’s Selena Gomez performing in Vancouver last night where apparently she added sexy rope shit to her show just in case everyone wasn’t sure how awesome her body is and that Justin Bieber had absolutely no fucking business going near it. Except, wait, hold on. I’ve just been handed new information that makes me regret… More »

Marky Mark Wants To Be Iron Man

The Superficial / August 16, 2013

“Hey, Jahvis. Wanna know why my ahms shoot freakin’ laser beams?
Because I don’t masturbate.” *skreeeeee-BOOOSH*
In a recent interview, Mark Wahlberg revealed that he’d love to be the next Iron Man which is, of course, ridiculous on its face because Tony Stahk ain’t no freakin’ Southie. Even more ridiculous is why Marky Mark believe… More »

Prince Is On Twitter

The Superficial / August 14, 2013

During the 2010 release of Prince’s album 20TEN, he explained to the Mirror that the Internet was over which was for the best because it was just filling our heads with numbers. These were actual words that Prince spoke which makes it all the more amazing that the same person is not only tweeting now,… More »

Chris Brown Had A Seizure Because Y’All Be Hatin’

The Superficial / August 12, 2013

Chris Brown’s suffered from seizures ever since he was a small boy which technically is something one should be sympathetic to, but hoping he ironically bit his tongue off is a valid response, too. (You can’t see it because you have sin in your heart, but Jesus is nodding in agreement right now. And dunking… More »

Bruce Willis Called ‘Lazy And Greedy’ By Man Starting Production On His 11th Sequel

Photo Boy / August 7, 2013

“Vhy are you not speaking to Bruce? Did he vuck your maid, too?”
Posted by Photo Boy
Full Disclosure: Having recently declared A Good Day To Die Hard as the death knell to my man love for Bruce Willis, I have to go on record here to say that Sylvester Stallone calling anyone “greedy” or… More »


The Superficial / July 25, 2013

“I can’t flip anybody off in here! RELEASE YOUR KING AT ONCE.”
Some people might say this site is the worst possible type of blog imaginable, soul rotting, bullshit even, and those people would be mostly right except they’d be forgetting there’s still one step below me: Mommy blogs. Case in point: The arguments for… More »

Behold! The Royal Rugrat Has Been Named

The Superficial / July 24, 2013

First off, huge thanks to everyone in the comments yesterday for pointing out the Royal Baby was flipping everybody off. I fucking love this kid already. And now the little scoundrel has a name, according to People:
“The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are delighted to announce that they have named their son George AlexanderMore »

And, Wow, It’s The Royal Baby Already. Okay.

The Superficial / July 23, 2013

While Kim Kardashian is still keeping her over-a-month-old daughter under wraps for maximum publicity, not even 24 hours after giving birth, Kate Middleton and Prince William literally walked their newborn son into a crowd of people outside of the hospital like it ain’t no thing. “A baby, you say? Oh, right, this little chap. Yes,… More »

Holy Shit, Adrian Paul Is Immortal In Real Life

The Superficial / July 22, 2013

Some people will try to tell you the big news out of Comic-Con this weekend is the announcement of a Superman/Batman movie or the reveal of the villain for The Avengers 2, and those people will be idiots. The real news is that Adrian Paul was not only there, alive and well, but hasn’t aged… More »

Goddammit, Rolling Stone

The Superficial / July 17, 2013

Because apparently Jann Wenner’s kid is picking the covers now, Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev is on the cover of Rolling Stone’s August issue which, if you haven’t heard by now, has caused some shit. And understandably so because what the goddamn fuck?! I get that there’s an exhaustively researched piece in the issue that’… More »

Jennifer Lopez Has Made $10 Million Performing For Dictators And Despots

The Superficial / July 15, 2013

“Betcha never seen a ‘gas chamber’ quite like mine. Now, c’mon, North Korea, make some NOOOOOIIISEE!”
Turns out that time Jennifer Lopez sang Happy Birthday to Turkmenistan dictator wasn’t a one-time thing because she’s been quietly collecting somewhere in the ballpark of $10 million by performing for some of the worst dictators and despots o… More »

I Made This Selena Gomez Wardrobe Malfunction Happen With My Mind

The Superficial / July 2, 2013

Yesterday, I joked about trying to make Selena Gomez have a wardrobe malfunction, and apparently she actually had one. Granted, it’s slightly lower than where I was aiming, my magic is as imperfect as it is beautiful. More importantly, if you look hard enough, you can still see Justin Bieber’s tear stains from the day… More »

Paula Deen’s Publisher Cancelled Her Already #1 Best-Selling Cookbook

The Superficial / July 1, 2013

“Oh, how rude of me, sugah. Y’all probably never seen one of these in your village. This is a book. El book-o.
Because America is a shitty place, pre-orders of Paula Deen’s upcoming cookbook “Paula Deen’s New Testament: 250 Favorite Recipes, All Lightened Up” shot to #1 on Amazon as a direct result of her… More »

Stretch That Arm Just A Little Bit Higher, Selena Gomez, And Other News

The Superficial / July 1, 2013

- Johnny Depp and Amber Heard is actually happening. [Lainey Gossip]
– Reports of the Canadian Apocalypse have been greatly exaggerated. It was just a rehearsal. [Dlisted]
- Hot Girls In The Middle of Nowhere [theCHIVE]
- Channing Tatum describing his daughter’s birth will Skarsgard a baby in you. [tooFab]
- Justin Bieber seems exactly… More »

And Now Jared Leto In Drag Because Your Ability To Sleep At Night Offends Me

The Superficial / June 26, 2013

Would you fuck Jared Leto? Jared Leto would fuck Jared Leto. Jared Leto would fuck Jared Leto so hard…


What? Fruit wouldn’t hang this low if it wasn’t asking for it.
Photo: Terry’s DiaryMore »

BREAKING: Miley Cyrus Wants You To See Her Butt

The Superficial / June 26, 2013

Here’s Miley Cyrus performing on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night just hours before being brutally beaten by Chris Brown in a Lamborghini then left for dead on the side of the- what’s that? Not until next Tuesday? *rereads memo from Miley’s publicist* Goddammit…

Pelvic Bone: It’s What’s For Dinner

More »

Paris Jackson Hates Justin Bieber Now

The Superficial / June 17, 2013

Justin Bieber was granted unprecedented access to the Jackson family presumably per Michael’s last dying words. “Make sure my ghost.. cough cough shamone! … can look at his penis…” Except now Paris Jackson hates the man Justin Bieber’s become and not just because her father died from spending his whole life trying to be white… More »

Marilyn Manson Isn’t Helping

The Superficial / June 7, 2013

Yesterday, word got out that Paris Jackson attempted suicide after she was told she couldn’t go a Marilyn Manson concert. A scenario that Alice Cooper handled deftly to Extra while Marilyn Manson told TMZ yesterday that Paris has VIP treatment anytime she wants to come his shows:
After learning about the incident, Marilyn says he… More »

There’s A Naked Statue of Kim Kardashian Pregnant

The Superficial / June 6, 2013

After attempting to blight the eyes of God with such creations as The Underage Armadillo Gang-Bang Will Be Televised and Hey, Remember Looney Tunes? I Turned Them Into Justin Bieber’s Dick, here’s Daniel Edwards’ latest artistic endeavor which is, at last, his true golden calf, and I’m specifically saying that because it’s a naked statue… More »

Steven Seagal Is A Russian Arms Dealer Now

The Superficial / June 4, 2013

A little background: Last week, Republican congressman Dana Rohrabacher was really hoping to find some clues to the Boston Marathon Bombing that would ideally show the Tsarnaev brothers were Obama’s illegitimate sons (You know black guys…) or at the very least, smuggled into the country with his Kenyan Muslim magic. So Rohrabacher enlisted the aid… More »

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