Sightings

Kim Kardashian Destroyed Mariah Carey’s Marriage

The Superficial | August 21, 2014 - 12:19 pm

Scientists have long since theorized that the gravity around Kim Kardashian’s ass is capable of destroying matter if not converting it into dark matter which is kind of redundant. (Smartest, if not slightly racist, penis joke you’ll ever read in your life.) So what that in mind, it really shouldn’t be a surprise that marriages… More »


Lana Del Rey F*cked ‘A Lot’ of Industry People To Get A Record Deal, It Didn’t Work

The Superficial | July 23, 2014 - 11:12 am

Over the past few months, Lana Del Rey has given a series of exhausting interviews that you haven’t seen on this site because I’m pretty sure I just said they were exhausting. Pay attention. And now she’s given a new one to Complex that has everybody all a tizzy because there is jackshit happening thanks… More »


Thor’s A Woman And Captain America’s Probably Black #ThanksObama

The Superficial | July 16, 2014 - 12:30 pm

In the same week that saw Archie gunned down in a mall shooting saving his gay best friend from a right-wing nut, Marvel announced on The View yesterday that Thor’s a woman now. And according to writer Jason Aaron, “she’s not She-Thor or Lady Thor. She’s not Thorika. She is Thor. This is the new… More »



Aubrey O’Day Is A Talented Performer

The Superficial | July 11, 2014 - 9:00 am

Wait. Talented means having really large breasts that overshadow crazy eyes, an almost stunning lack of agility in a situation that routinely requires it, and basically everything else on a person’s entire body? Because I feel like I’m using that right. There’s just something in my gut. Or Aubrey O’Day’s, whatever. I’m not a doctor. More »


Holy Crap, It’s Superman! In The Same Exact Costume As The Other Movie

The Superficial | July 3, 2014 - 10:16 am

Following Batfleck and the constant barrage of casting news because they’re shoving 800 superheroes in this thing (Blue Beetle, anyone?), it’s been way too easy to forget about Henry Cavill despite his character’s name being one of the 20 words in the title. So to fix all that, Warner Bros. released the first official imageMore »


Beyonce’s Changing Song Lyrics To Make It Sound Like Jay Z Cheated On Her Now

The Superficial | July 2, 2014 - 11:52 am

It sounds like Beyonce could really use that yoga weekend with Gwyneth Paltrow – I’m joking. That’s Nazi shit. – because apparently she’s changing song lyrics to make it sound like Jay Z definitely cheated on her. And did I mention she’s doing this while she’s on tour with him? She’s doing this while she’s… More »



Even Jennifer Lopez Has To Do Miley Cyrus Shit Now

The Superficial | June 30, 2014 - 11:16 am

My last post had to do with things like war, compassion, human decency, but that’s not why most of you come here, and that poop can go fornicate itself as far you’re concerned. So here’s Jennifer Lopez performing at the iHeart Radio Ultimate Pool Party because what you do come here for is to look… More »


Justin Bieber Turned Selena Gomez To The Dark Side (Get It? Because He’s Black)

The Superficial | June 18, 2014 - 2:28 pm

On Monday night, Selena Gomez was spotted clubbing with Justin Bieber after spending the entire day with him in Malibu. And now last night, she had the cops called to her house after throwing a “rager” which is a term I didn’t think anyone born after 1982 actually uses, and yet here we are. TMZ… More »


Casper Smart Wishes This Butt Came With A Wiener (WINNER: Classiest Headline 2014)

The Superficial | June 5, 2014 - 12:57 pm

If you’ve somehow missed it over the past few days, The Dirty has been posting messages allegedly between Jennifer Lopez’s driver Casper Smart and transsexual model Sofie Vissa. And while the evidence looks pretty fucking damning – and not at all surprising – it seems way too good to be true. Except now People is… More »



Kevin Smith: ‘Ben Affleck’s Batsuit Is Blue & Grey’

The Superficial | May 21, 2014 - 11:55 am

If you’re like me, you’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about Ben Affleck’s batsuit and whether or not it possess the ability to make anyone but Zack Snyder direct Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice (Yup, that’s the title now.) because Man of Steel was a CGI shitshow. Or you’ve just been wondering… More »


Your Feel Good Post Of The Day: Chris Brown’s Still In Jail & Donald Sterling Has Cancer

Photo Boy | May 2, 2014 - 1:34 pm

Posted by Photo Boy

It looks like Donald Sterling’s lifetime ban from the NBA might end sooner than expected with the news that he’s battling prostate cancer. I’ll pause while everyone decides to react with “Well, that is terrible, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone,” instead of what really initially popped into all… More »


Justin Bieber Made Rob Ford Relapse

Photo Boy | May 1, 2014 - 1:00 pm

Posted by Photo Boy

When Justin Bieber decides to be a colossal shithead, he really doesn’t pull punches, and it seems there was no exception when he decided to taunt Toronto Mayor Rob Ford for his hilarious and not-at-all tragic to an entire city of anguished citizens drug habit.
Not long after,… More »



George Clooney Got Engaged

Photo Boy | April 28, 2014 - 11:30 am

“Mr. Clooney, you’re aware that marriage means no new vagina, correct?
“I’m sorry, you said what now?”

Posted by Photo Boy

I guess today is going to just be crazy old white guys be crazy day with the news that George Clooney got engaged to Amal Alamuddin. Here’s as close… More »


Katy Perry Did Jewface

Photo Boy | April 25, 2014 - 12:00 pm

Posted by Photo Boy

If you’re like me, and you’ve always wondered what would happen if the creators of Jackass got drunk, had unprotected sex with the creators of Punk’d, then decided to abort the hellspawn they produced, then you’re in luck, because Katy Perry’s new video for her song ‘Birthday’ is that… More »


Lindsay Lohan Is Broke (Again)

The Superficial | April 2, 2014 - 12:06 pm

Back in July, Oprah paid Lindsay Lohan $2 million to appear on a reality show that accurately portrays her as the fuck up she is. So the fact that I’m writing this post almost nine months later instead of the very next day is a miracle in and of itself. I’m man enough to admit… More »



Here’s What People In ‘The Avengers: Age of Ultron’ Might Look Like And/Or Punch

The Superficial | March 19, 2014 - 10:06 am

Makes you wonder how much faster her sisters could’ve killed Heath Ledger with all that power, doesn’t it? I know.

When you own an entire network like Disney does, you can use it whenever you want to shamelessly pimp your products however and whenever you want. Which is exactly what Disney did last… More »


Our Long National Lena Dunham Naked Nightmare Might Be Over

The Superficial | March 11, 2014 - 1:44 pm

“Wait. Did a bounty hunter just pull a thermal detonator on someone who wouldn’t pay 50,000 for a Wookiee? If so, I’m gonna queef.”

Because sometimes it’s fun to dress The Penquin in fancy dresses and take his picture, Lena Dunham is the cover interview for the April issue of Glamour where she… More »


Vadgity Chipmunk’s Hee-Haw Hootenanny!

The Superficial | January 30, 2014 - 12:39 pm

Because it apparently takes 24 hours to edit Miley Cyrus twerking on a horse, here’s her MTV Unplugged performance with Madonna that aired last night. And if anyone wants to start throwing around the word “demonic,” maybe start here because as soon as I finished watching this, a faceless baby floated in front of me… More »



Aw, Shit, Here Comes The Hardest Motherf*cker On The Planet

The Superficial | January 23, 2014 - 2:19 pm

When you hire a lawyer like Roy Black who famously helped William Kennedy Smith duck rape charges in 1991, so I have no idea why Justin Bieber would have his number on hand, none at all, you should probably be very concerned if he doesn’t tell you to roll down your fucking sleeves and stop… More »


Miley Cyrus Is Going To Stick To This Vagina Thing, See Where It Goes

The Superficial | January 8, 2014 - 1:42 pm

In case you were wondering how Miley Cyrus is going to change things up in 2014, she’s not unless you count seeing how far up her vulva she can wedge her leotard without splitting herself into two. Which, now that I think about it, is why Justin Bieber exists, so forget I spoke. Anyway, I… More »


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