Are Children’s Christmas Pageants Supposed To Be Sexy? This Seems Wrong

The Superficial | December 8, 2014 - 2:18 pm

Is Stephen Collins the musical director? What the hell’s happening here?
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Bill Cosby Stripped Of Honorary Navy Title As More Women Come Forward

The Superficial | December 5, 2014 - 1:50 pm

Some of you haven’t enjoyed my coverage of the Eric Garner decision, or racism in general, so in this post I not only believe that a black man is guilty of a crime, but also (slightly) question the motives of his alleged rape victims. It’s practically Christmas for your tiny little white dicks. Let’s roll! More »

The 2014 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

The Superficial | December 3, 2014 - 11:09 am

Now that we’ve seen Taylor Swift serenading a woman’s butt and Chris Hansen’s greatest sting yet, here’s the rest of The 2014 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show featuring models I didn’t have time to label, so it’s on you to remember what their names are. They have feelings, you bastard!
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And Now Taylor Swift Singing To Karlie Kloss’ Butt

The Superficial | December 3, 2014 - 10:21 am

Last year, Jessica Hart said some shit about Taylor Swift “not fitting in” at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show which is why this year Jessica was nowhere to be seen and NY Daily News reports it’s Taylor’s doing. Which seems like way too much power for Taylor Swift to have except if you look at… More »

Toddlers & Tiaras Meets Victoria’s Secret

The Superficial | December 3, 2014 - 9:32 am

Here’s Ariana Grande performing at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show because what’s sexier than watching a singing 12-year-old in linger- *waits to get tackled by Photo Boy, realizes he’s on vacation, shrugs* – a singing 12-year-old in linger- *gets shot in the knee by Chris Hansen*
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Everyone’s Throwing Bill Cosby Under The Bus Now

Photo Boy | November 25, 2014 - 2:30 pm

Posted by Photo Boy

While rioting has broken out once again in Ferguson, MO after protesters thoughtfully reviewed and found fault with the nearly 5,000 page grand jury report that was released only hours ago and led to the decision not to indict Darren Wilson (Yep, I’m just leaving that there.) [Ed. Note:More »

Bette Midler Told Ariana Grande Not To Whore Herself

Photo Boy | November 25, 2014 - 11:30 am

Posted by Photo Boy

Ariana Grande looks like a child, but in reality she’s a grown woman who loves to dress like a prostitute and perform sultry dances to the terrible, terrible music she makes. To lecherous old men, this type of thing is irresistible. To idiotic young girls, it’s a career aspiration. More »

Christian Bale Wanted To Play Batman Again

Photo Boy | November 25, 2014 - 10:00 am

Posted by Photo Boy
Before the Internet collectively shat itself over Ben Affleck being cast as Batman, there was fleeting hope that Christian Bale was going to return for a Justice League movie until he effectively shot that shit down. But now, to the gnashing teeth of nerds everywhere who already decided to pretend that… More »

Lindsay Lohan Thinks She’s Poised For A Hollywood Comeback

Photo Boy | November 21, 2014 - 12:30 pm

Posted by Photo Boy
Lindsay Lohan’s starring run in Speed-the-Plow will end November 29th, but before she heads back to the states finally giving England a change to delouse their capitol city, she’s of course already talking about how successful her career’s about to be. Via Radar Online:
“Lindsay is doing better than she has… More »

Jenny McCarthy & Donnie Wahlberg Got Their Own Reality Show

Photo Boy | November 12, 2014 - 11:00 am

Posted by Photo Boy
Because the world is a giant stockpot of diarrhea and reality television is the spoon that stirs it, it’s only right that Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg get to make their own deposit. When reached for comment, the couple dropped this verbal nugget and yes I’m going to just keep making… More »

Maitland Ward Meets Stan Lee And Other News

The Superficial | November 4, 2014 - 8:40 am

- Here’s what Eva Mendes looks like after squeezing out a Baby Goose baby. [Lainey Gossip]
- Taylor Swift pulled all of her songs off Spotify. [Dlisted]
- The Ever-Elusive Downblouse [theCHIVE]
- Will Smith basically stalks his wife. [Fishwrapper]
- Kate Upton will start your Election Day GIFs now. [COED]
- Ryan Gosling is… More »

Benedict Cumberbatch Is Doctor Strange: A Post About Kendall’s Butt

Photo Boy | October 28, 2014 - 11:51 am

“I’ll tell you what’s strange. Giant penguins, amirite?!” (I have no fucking business writing these.)

Posted by Photo Boy

You guys know by now that Fish’s new favorite thing besides sending headless animal carcasses to Hilary Duff’s house is to make me cluelessly write comic book posts. Since it’s looking like… More »

JLo & Iggy Azalea’s Butts Won’t Depress You

The Superficial | October 27, 2014 - 1:08 pm

Thanks to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, we’ve stared deep into the abyss of human depravity and the blobs of codependency that willingly toss children into it. So for a change of scenery, let’s stare deep into Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea’s buttholes which is a transition the New York Times wishes it had the… More »

Shia LaBeouf’s A Metamodernist Christian Now

Photo Boy | October 22, 2014 - 10:44 am

Posted by Photo Boy

If you’re wondering what the fuck that headline means, let me get the answer right out of the way. Nothing. It means absolutely nothing other than it’s one of the rambling, navel-gazing responses Shia LaBeouf mouth-farted to Interview Magazine during what felt like an endless diatribe on art, life,… More »

Beyonce’s Dad: ‘The Divorce Rumors Were A Hoax To Sell Tickets’

The Superficial | August 28, 2014 - 1:30 pm

So one of two things are happening here: 1. Matthew Knowles reads the Internet and saw of all your conspiracy theories about Beyonce and Jay Z’s divorce. 2. You’re all fucking detectives who probably solve murders in Hawaii without even inviting me. Goddammit. Page Six reports:
Sometimes rumors “ignite” tours, he explained. “The Jedi mind… More »

Good Morning, Katy Perry, And Other News

The Superficial | August 28, 2014 - 9:41 am

- Justin Theroux’s Penis: A discussion. [Lainey Gossip]
- Jennifer Aniston doesn’t need kids to be valued as a woman. Which is true. It’s about breast size. [Dlisted]
- Redheads travel in packs? Perfect… [theCHIVE]
- LeAnn Rimes is a rapist. Her words, not mine. [Fishwrapper]
– What the NRA was tweeting after a 9-year-old… More »

Kim Kardashian Destroyed Mariah Carey’s Marriage

The Superficial | August 21, 2014 - 12:19 pm

Scientists have long since theorized that the gravity around Kim Kardashian’s ass is capable of destroying matter if not converting it into dark matter which is kind of redundant. (Smartest, if not slightly racist, penis joke you’ll ever read in your life.) So what that in mind, it really shouldn’t be a surprise that marriages… More »

Lana Del Rey F*cked ‘A Lot’ of Industry People To Get A Record Deal, It Didn’t Work

The Superficial | July 23, 2014 - 11:12 am

Over the past few months, Lana Del Rey has given a series of exhausting interviews that you haven’t seen on this site because I’m pretty sure I just said they were exhausting. Pay attention. And now she’s given a new one to Complex that has everybody all a tizzy because there is jackshit happening thanks… More »

Thor’s A Woman And Captain America’s Probably Black #ThanksObama

The Superficial | July 16, 2014 - 12:30 pm

In the same week that saw Archie gunned down in a mall shooting saving his gay best friend from a right-wing nut, Marvel announced on The View yesterday that Thor’s a woman now. And according to writer Jason Aaron, “she’s not She-Thor or Lady Thor. She’s not Thorika. She is Thor. This is the new… More »

Aubrey O’Day Is A Talented Performer

The Superficial | July 11, 2014 - 9:00 am

Wait. Talented means having really large breasts that overshadow crazy eyes, an almost stunning lack of agility in a situation that routinely requires it, and basically everything else on a person’s entire body? Because I feel like I’m using that right. There’s just something in my gut. Or Aubrey O’Day’s, whatever. I’m not a doctor. More »

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