Sightings

Benedict Cumberbatch Is Doctor Strange: A Post About Kendall’s Butt

By: Photo Boy / October 28, 2014
"I'll tell you what's strange. Giant penguins, amirite?!" (I have no fucking business writing these.) Posted by Photo Boy You guys know by now that Fish's new favorite thing besides sending headless animal carcasses to Hilary Duff's house is to make me cluelessly write comic book posts. Since it's looking like … More »

JLo & Iggy Azalea’s Butts Won’t Depress You

By: The Superficial / October 27, 2014
Thanks to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, we've stared deep into the abyss of human depravity and the blobs of codependency that willingly toss children into it. So for a change of scenery, let's stare deep into Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea's buttholes which is … More »

Shia LaBeouf’s A Metamodernist Christian Now

By: Photo Boy / October 22, 2014
Posted by Photo Boy If you're wondering what the fuck that headline means, let me get the answer right out of the way. Nothing. It means absolutely nothing other than it's one of the rambling, navel-gazing responses Shia LaBeouf mouth-farted to Interview Magazine during what felt like an endless diatribe on … More »

Beyonce’s Dad: ‘The Divorce Rumors Were A Hoax To Sell Tickets’

By: The Superficial / August 28, 2014
So one of two things are happening here: 1. Matthew Knowles reads the Internet and saw of all your conspiracy theories about Beyonce and Jay Z's divorce. 2. You're all fucking detectives who probably solve murders in Hawaii without even inviting me. Goddammit. Page Six reports: Sometimes rumors “ignite” tours, he … More »

Good Morning, Katy Perry, And Other News

By: The Superficial / August 28, 2014
- Justin Theroux's Penis: A discussion. [Lainey Gossip] - Jennifer Aniston doesn't need kids to be valued as a woman. Which is true. It's about breast size. [Dlisted] - Redheads travel in packs? Perfect... [theCHIVE] - LeAnn Rimes is a rapist. Her words, not mine. [Fishwrapper] - … More »

Kim Kardashian Destroyed Mariah Carey’s Marriage

By: The Superficial / August 21, 2014
Scientists have long since theorized that the gravity around Kim Kardashian's ass is capable of destroying matter if not converting it into dark matter which is kind of redundant. (Smartest, if not slightly racist, penis joke you'll ever read in your life.) So what that in mind, it really shouldn't be a surprise … More »

Lana Del Rey F*cked ‘A Lot’ of Industry People To Get A Record Deal, It Didn’t Work

By: The Superficial / July 23, 2014
Over the past few months, Lana Del Rey has given a series of exhausting interviews that you haven't seen on this site because I'm pretty sure I just said they were exhausting. Pay attention. And now she's given a new one to Complex that has everybody all a tizzy because there is jackshit … More »

Thor’s A Woman And Captain America’s Probably Black #ThanksObama

By: The Superficial / July 16, 2014
In the same week that saw Archie gunned down in a mall shooting saving his gay best friend from a right-wing nut, Marvel announced on The View yesterday that Thor's a woman now. And according to writer Jason Aaron, "she's not She-Thor or Lady Thor. She's not … More »

Aubrey O’Day Is A Talented Performer

By: The Superficial / July 11, 2014
Wait. Talented means having really large breasts that overshadow crazy eyes, an almost stunning lack of agility in a situation that routinely requires it, and basically everything else on a person's entire body? Because I feel like I'm using that right. There's just something in my gut. More »

Holy Crap, It’s Superman! In The Same Exact Costume As The Other Movie

By: The Superficial / July 3, 2014
Following Batfleck and the constant barrage of casting news because they're shoving 800 superheroes in this thing (Blue Beetle, anyone?), it's been way too easy to forget about Henry Cavill despite his character's name being one of the 20 words in the title. So to … More »

Beyonce’s Changing Song Lyrics To Make It Sound Like Jay Z Cheated On Her Now

By: The Superficial / July 2, 2014
It sounds like Beyonce could really use that yoga weekend with Gwyneth Paltrow - I'm joking. That's Nazi shit. - because apparently she's changing song lyrics to make it sound like Jay Z definitely cheated on her. And did I mention she's doing this while … More »

Even Jennifer Lopez Has To Do Miley Cyrus Shit Now

By: The Superficial / June 30, 2014
My last post had to do with things like war, compassion, human decency, but that's not why most of you come here, and that poop can go fornicate itself as far you're concerned. So here's Jennifer Lopez performing at the iHeart Radio Ultimate Pool Party because what you do … More »

Justin Bieber Turned Selena Gomez To The Dark Side (Get It? Because He’s Black)

By: The Superficial / June 18, 2014
On Monday night, Selena Gomez was spotted clubbing with Justin Bieber after spending the entire day with him in Malibu. And now last night, she had the cops called to her house after throwing a "rager" which is a term I didn't think anyone born after 1982 actually uses, and yet … More »

Casper Smart Wishes This Butt Came With A Wiener (WINNER: Classiest Headline 2014)

By: The Superficial / June 5, 2014
If you've somehow missed it over the past few days, The Dirty has been posting messages allegedly between Jennifer Lopez's driver Casper Smart and transsexual model Sofie Vissa. And while the evidence looks pretty fucking damning - and not at all surprising - it seems … More »

Kevin Smith: ‘Ben Affleck’s Batsuit Is Blue & Grey’

By: The Superficial / May 21, 2014
If you're like me, you've been spending a lot of time thinking about Ben Affleck's batsuit and whether or not it possess the ability to make anyone but Zack Snyder direct Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice (Yup, that's the title now.) because Man of Steel was … More »

Your Feel Good Post Of The Day: Chris Brown’s Still In Jail & Donald Sterling Has Cancer

By: Photo Boy / May 2, 2014
Posted by Photo Boy It looks like Donald Sterling's lifetime ban from the NBA might end sooner than expected with the news that he's battling prostate cancer. I'll pause while everyone decides to react with "Well, that is terrible, I wouldn't wish that on anyone," instead of what really … More »

Justin Bieber Made Rob Ford Relapse

By: Photo Boy / May 1, 2014
Posted by Photo Boy When Justin Bieber decides to be a colossal shithead, he really doesn't pull punches, and it seems there was no exception when he decided to taunt Toronto Mayor Rob Ford for his hilarious and not-at-all tragic to an entire city of anguished citizens drug habit. Not … More »

George Clooney Got Engaged

By: Photo Boy / April 28, 2014
"Mr. Clooney, you're aware that marriage means no new vagina, correct? "I'm sorry, you said what now?" Posted by Photo Boy I guess today is going to just be crazy old white guys be crazy day with the news that George Clooney got engaged to Amal Alamuddin. Here's as close … More »

Katy Perry Did Jewface

By: Photo Boy / April 25, 2014
Posted by Photo Boy If you're like me, and you've always wondered what would happen if the creators of Jackass got drunk, had unprotected sex with the creators of Punk'd, then decided to abort the hellspawn they produced, then you're in luck, because Katy Perry's new video for her song … More »

Lindsay Lohan Is Broke (Again)

By: The Superficial / April 2, 2014
Back in July, Oprah paid Lindsay Lohan $2 million to appear on a reality show that accurately portrays her as the fuck up she is. So the fact that I'm writing this post almost nine months later instead of the very next day is a miracle in and of … More »

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