Enrique Iglesias: ‘I Have The Smallest Penis in The World’

The Superficial | July 28, 2011 - 3:47 pm

“¿Cómo se dice, ‘Pics or GTFO,’ en Espanól?”

While performing in Sydney on Tuesday, Enrique Iglesias brought a bunch of random dudes onstage and basically decided to let everyone know that Anna Kournikova isn’t with him for the sex. Which is strange because that would mean she’s a Russian woman who enters into… More »

Denise Richards Had a Lesbian Experience With Another Celebrity

The Superficial | July 28, 2011 - 11:20 am

Continuing the promotional tour for her new book, Denise Richards has clearly reached index card #4, “Lesbian stuff,” in the stack her publicist gave her because here she is on Stern yesterday talking about the time she lady-banged a mystery female celebrity. Via The Huffington Post:

While an obviously piqued Stern attempts to… More »

The Orbit Gum Chick Seems Shy

The Superficial | July 27, 2011 - 3:14 pm

You ever find yourself watching those Orbit gum commercials and thinking, “Gee, I wonder what that blonde British chick telling me I have a dirty mouth (Real name: Vanessa Branch, by the way.) would look like in a bunch of saucy outfits?”

I can enter your thoughts.

NOTE: I’ve been informed… More »

Crystal Harris Had Sex With Hugh Hefner Once, It Lasted Two Seconds

The Superficial | July 27, 2011 - 1:45 pm

Despite the fact it’s clear Crystal Harris was a prostitute hired to leave Hugh Hefner for a reality show special, she was a guest on Stern yesterday where she complained about sex with Hugh even though it sounds as tender and beautiful as it is with me. Via People:

Harris, 24, said Tuesday… More »

I See You, Blake Lively’s Bikini…

The Superficial | July 27, 2011 - 10:52 am

That headline wasn’t creepy.

Presumably to make up for Green Lantern shitting directly into our eyes and ears before raping our mothers and sisters – Not gonna lie, Warner Bros. paid me to water that down. – Blake Lively’s character in the Savages will wear a bunch of skimpy outfits accentuating the boob… More »

Brad Pitt’s Wax Statue Isn’t Creepy At All

The Superficial | July 26, 2011 - 4:10 pm

A freakishly lifelike wax statue of Brad Pitt was unveiled in Paris today at the Musee Grevin which I’ll assume is French for “Jennifer Aniston, please heist our shit.” And I use the phrase freakishly lifelike not so much as a compliment to the artist, but as a testament to how much Angelina Jolie and… More »

Kim Kardashian Wants Attention For Her Psoriasis Now

The Superficial | July 26, 2011 - 1:14 pm

Every once in a while, the tabloid world likes to get lazy and pretend things that happen on reality shows are newsworthy events happening right before our very eyes. Which explains why you couldn’t look anywhere this morning without seeing a blaring headline about Kim Kardashian revealing she has psoriasis even though I just assume… More »

Minka Kelly’s Got a Gun On a Horse Now

The Superficial | July 22, 2011 - 11:15 am

Yesterday, we posted a tight-panted Minka Kelly firing a gun from the back of a truck which is really about as American it gets, so here she is still wearing those stretchy pants, only this time on a horse because apparently the new Charlie’s Angels is going to be a titty-bouncing tour-de-force of ridiculous chase… More »

Being Judd Apatow’s Wife Doesn’t Look Awkward At All

The Superficial | July 21, 2011 - 3:15 pm

“No, really. He said, ‘Jason, stare directly into my wife’s camel toe,’ and, well, he’s the director…”

Here’s Jason Segel and Leslie Mann, Judd Apatow’s wife for those of you wondering why she’s in all his movies, filming This is 40, the sequel to Knocked Up featuring the married couple who bitched at… More »

Marc Anthony Cheated on Jennifer Lopez With a Stewardess

The Superficial | July 21, 2011 - 12:06 pm

“I know it was you, Salsa Fredo.”

For those of you just tuning in, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony called it quits just before the weekend and an epic battle to make each other look like even bigger dickheads has already engulfed the media with Us Weekly clearly behind Team Lopez after being… More »

Lady Gaga Porn Parody Somehow Less Offensive Than The Real Thing

The Superficial | July 20, 2011 - 4:56 pm

See? Now that’s tasteful. You can’t even see the boner.

Here are promotional stills for Hustler’s upcoming Lady Gaga porn parody This Ain’t Lady GaGa XXX which is a pretty unoriginal title considering the details in these costumes, but I digress. What’s impressive is that there’s finally a porno you can watch with… More »

What’s Up, Candice Swanepoel? And Other News

Photo Boy | July 20, 2011 - 2:00 pm

Posted by Photo Boy

- Gwyneth Paltrow graces Judaism with the offering of her children’s eternal souls. [Huffington Post]

- Ben Affleck told JLo to kick Marc Anthony to the curb. [Dlisted]

- Victoria Beckham inadvertently provides the reason why humans have failed as a species. [Lainey Gossip]
More »

Chris Brown is Starring in Romantic Comedies Now. Of Course.

The Superficial | July 20, 2011 - 11:20 am

“You had me at ‘hello.’ Which is why I’m touching my dick.”

Because love sometimes means bashing your girlfriend’s head into a door then biting her ear and neck, Chris Brown will star in the new romantic comedy Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, according to The Fab Life:

More »

Harrison Ford Rode a Horse Through Manhattan With David Letterman

The Superficial | July 19, 2011 - 10:19 am

“I’m tellin’ ya, she’s that thin, Dave. Won’t even smell food. I have to cook in the basement.”

Sometimes I just like to post pics that make me laugh for reasons I don’t even know, so here’s Harrison Ford riding a horse through Manhattan with David Letterman, and more importantly, making this face,… More »

Lindsay Lohan: ‘How Dare They Not Cast Me in Black Swan!’

The Superficial | July 14, 2011 - 11:42 am

Remember when Lindsay Lohan spent an entire weekend flashing the paparazzi her hooch from the top of a building? That was a photo shoot for Plum Magazine which Lindsay was supposed to give an exclusive interview to in exchange for them flying her and her family out to Miami and paying every single expense. Instead,… More »

Weston Cage Did Karate Outside of a Restaurant

The Superficial | July 14, 2011 - 10:16 am

Taking a page from Mel Gibson’s Guide to Crazy Fighting – “Remember, your opponent might be invisible, and that’s where they hide the blowjobs.” – Weston Cage and his freshly shaven-head put on a karate show for the paparazzi last night because he really needs people to believe he’s a skilled martial artist who can… More »

It’s Victoria’s Secret Angels in Spandex

The Superficial | July 13, 2011 - 4:00 pm

Alright, who showed them my penis?

After a long day of delicately exploring such controversial topics as race riots, chloroforming your kid to death, Down babies and naming your son after your ex because Orlando Bloom is a wee little vagina-man, I thought it’d be nice to post something we all can agree… More »

Ryan Reynolds is Dating Charlize Theron Now. Why Not?

The Superficial | July 13, 2011 - 12:13 pm

Despite the fact Green Lantern should’ve been called Emerald Hate-Bang of The Eyes and Ears, Ryan Reynolds has somehow managed to land Charlize Theron, and the two are “exclusive” and very “hush-hush,” according to Us Weekly which is apparently written by Danny DeVito in L.A. Confidential now:

While the two haven’t been photographed… More »

Okay, So Lady Gaga Might Have a Penis

The Superficial | July 12, 2011 - 1:09 pm

Lady Gaga gave an impromptu performance at Arq in Sydney, Australia last night which I think might be a gay bar. Too early to tell. Anyway, she’s definitely packing something in her pants which makes me remember all those countless hours I you, definitely you, spent wondering if she really is a hermaphrodite. So, let’s… More »

The Duke and Duchess Grace America With Their Graceness

The Superficial | July 11, 2011 - 11:42 am

“We recolonize them at dawn. I’ll ready the churros.”

After their royal wedding distracted the world from America shooting Osama bin Laden in the face, the newly-named Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Prince William and Kate Middleton, brought their North American visit to Los Angeles over the weekend where they gazed lovingly upon… More »

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