Red Carpet

Taylor Swift Is Writing Songs About Katy Perry Now

By: The Superficial / September 9, 2014

Taylor Swift’s schtick used to be writing songs about jerk boys who didn’t make every single date like The Notebook. But she’s evolved as an artist (and a woman… nope, that wasn’t creepy) and has moved on to writing songs about other pop stars who steal her roadies or some stupid bullshit. I honestly don’t… More »


Lindsay Lohan’s Stealing Apps Now

By: The Superficial / September 8, 2014

Lindsay Lohan will steal anything that isn’t nailed down, and even then, there’s still a 50/50 chance she’ll melt through the nail with her freckle acid. But I’m not here to talk science, I’m here to talk about Lindsay stealing some dude’s idea for an app and getting sued into next week for it. Page… More »


Gwyneth Paltrow’s Gone Full Jew

By: The Superficial / September 5, 2014

After once referring to herself as a “Jewish princess” due to her family belonging to a Eastern European rabbinical dynasty, Gwyneth Paltrow has apparently stopped dicking around with Kabbalah and fully converted to Judaism. And before someone makes a joke about how she just wants to keep working in Hollywood, I’ll have you know Gwyneth… More »


Daisy Lowe Won The GQ Men of The Year Awards

By: The Superficial / September 3, 2014

You might hear some talk about some other woman winning at The GQ Men of The Year Awards in London last night, but that information is bullshit because Daisy Lowe’s breasts destroyed anything and everything in their path. One of them even controls Parliament now. Or will once they’re aware of my Doomsday Device. Photo… More »


Kate Upton Has Leaked Nude Photos, Too

By: The Superficial / August 31, 2014

So remember that scene in Ghostbusters when Peck shuts down the containment unit and floods the entire city with ghosts? Well, today’s been like that except with every single celebrity naked instead of the undead. I’m doing my best to stay away from them (WHICH I HAVE ALL DAY YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING) because I’d… More »


Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Are Married

By: The Superficial / August 28, 2014

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been together for nine years, the bulk of which they’ve spent as parents to six children. But what they don’t have a is a legal document that makes it a gigantic pain in the ass to break up, so their love has basically been meaningless horseshit if it eve… More »


No, Wait, Megan Fox, South Korea’s On Our Side!

By: The Superficial / August 27, 2014

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is an epic shitbomb of pure fuck-dumb, so here’s Megan Fox dropping it on South Korea yesterday because who needs allies? Amirite? That whole North Korea thing will probably sort itself out. Plus we’re still holding all the Dennis Rodmans. I dare anyone to defy us.

Photos: GettyMore »


Miley Cyrus’ Date To The VMAs Isn’t Exactly Homeless

By: The Superficial / August 26, 2014

Most people consider homeless to mean poor, destitute, no place to turn to. So when Miley Cyrus brought a “homeless” date to the VMAs, it was just assumed that she picked this poor guy up off the streets where poverty had left him. Turns out he’s a struggling model whose mom says he can come… More »


The 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards

By: The Superficial / August 26, 2014

Here’s the rest of The 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards where my comprehensive reporting will tell you Breaking Bad won fucking everything except for that one award for True Detective and Benedict Cumberbatch winning for Sherlock which slightly makes up for Rust Cohle losing to Walter White. More importantly, Laura Prepon demonstrated the misogynistic side… More »


Christina Hendricks Brought Her Monster Breasts #Emmys

By: The Superficial / August 26, 2014

As small children, most of us dreamed about Ronald McDonald having really huge tits. I’m talking so huge you don’t even know how he’s carrying them around, and maybe Grimace should talk to him about steroids. So now that I’ve explained how Christina Hendricks is so popular, here’s her breasts at the Emmys last night… More »


Hayden Panettiere Brought Her Monster Fetus #Emmys

By: The Superficial / August 26, 2014

Here’s a pregnant as fuck Hayden Panettiere at the Emmys last night where it was a goddamn miracle her unborn daughter didn’t burst out of her chest and terrorize Sigourney Weaver. Which isn’t so much a joke about the giant’s fetus inside of her (a justifiable curse for stealing his magic beans) as much it’… More »


The Rest of The Goddamn #VMAs

By: The Superficial / August 25, 2014

Because our server is like the TARDIS if the TARDIS had Down syndrome, we’re falling apart at the seams over here, so here’s the rest of The 2014 VMAs before the whole thing explodes. And if you’re wondering why I’m not posting about Beyonce’s feminist tour de force or Miley Cyrus using all of her… More »


The Kardashians Checked Their Phones During The Ferguson Moment of Silence #VMAs

By: The Superficial / August 25, 2014

During last night’s VMAs, Common held a moment of silence for Ferguson which the Kardashians felt was the appropriate time to check their phones (above) because someone might have tweeted about Kim’s dress, you guys. Yes, they understand that black teens are being disproportionately shot and killed by police for minor offenses thus depriving them… More »


Child Hookers? Why Not? #VMAs

By: The Superficial / August 25, 2014

The media would have you believe this is singer/actress Ariana Grande, but really it’s a sophisticated Pre-Crime tool used to weed out future pedophiles before they strike by prompting an easily collected database of Internet commenters who want to have sex with its butt. I’m just doing my part to protect the children even though… More »


Katy Perry’s Breasts Were There #VMAs

By: The Superficial / August 25, 2014

Outside of her recent trip to a Kansas water park (Warning: Contains breasts GIFs. And you’re gone.), Katy Perry’s breasts have been elusive creatures because she’s an artiste now. Except here they are at last night’s VMAs where she brought Riff Raff as her date even though I could’ve sworn she was banging Duplo? Diplo? More »


Let’s Start With Taylor Swift’s Ass Cheeks #VMAs

By: The Superficial / August 25, 2014

Somewhere between making Diet Coke commercials and getting a dog with Karlie Kloss, Taylor Swift realized she has the body of a Victoria’s Secret model complete with 9,000 mile long legs. So here she is at last night’s VMAs showing off more ass and vulv than Miley Cyrus because we live in a Bizarro World… More »


And Now Time For Tara Reid Or Kate Gosselin Melting Under A Heat Lamp?

By: The Superficial / August 22, 2014

Now I know what you’re thinking, there aren’t 25 Asian kids running around, so clearly it’s Tara Reid. Except you’re forgetting one important piece of information: Kate Gosselin hates her children and will do everything in her power to never be around them. Why do you think her house is 80% crawlspaces? The woman’s a… More »


Demi Moore Gave Rumer Willis A Gun Cake

By: The Superficial / August 18, 2014

Apparently, everyone’s supposed to lose their shit over Demi Moore giving Rumer Willis a gun cake for her 26th birthday even though it’s supposedly a callback to her photo shoot with Tyler Shields. I’m a wiener-bitch liberal when it comes to guns, and even I don’t see the problem here. Not to mention, Demi’s one… More »


Jennifer Lawrence Is Banging Chris Martin, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Chris Martin

By: The Superficial / August 15, 2014

“Who’s gettin’ GOOPed now, bitch? WHA?”

Gwyneth Paltrow is a wound tight, meticulous of curator macrobiotic living filtered through a sexy, breezy pashmina that only costs $25,000, so any single, working mom can afford it. Jennifer Lawrence… well, Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t give a fuck. She’ll fart, burp, make a demon face on the… More »


Carmen Electra’s Breasts Are A Happy Post

By: The Superficial / August 12, 2014

The last few posts have been about suicide, child molestation and sexual assault, but since the night is always darkest just before the dawn, here are Carmen Electra’s breasts at The Expendables 3 premiere because I’ll never forsake you. Unless it’d be really funny then I won’t even hesitate. You’ll be like “Ah, shit!”… More »


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