Red Carpet

Emily Ratajkowski & Reese Witherspoon In Red

By: The Superficial / September 29, 2014

You’re probably thinking it’s a dick move to put Reese Witherspoon in a gallery with Emily Ratajkowski, and that I’m only doing it to make another joke about her being pregnant. And you’re right, but before I make the voices stop, I’d like to take a second to compliment Reese for holding her own eve… More »


Anna Kendrick & Cara Delevingne Are Your New Fappening

By: The Superficial / September 29, 2014

So it looks like we’re going to do this every weekend now because Anna Kendrick and Cara Delevingne are your latest celebrities to have nude photos leaked online by “hackers,” according to Gawker, who also reports a bunch of other people were in this batch except I have no idea who half of them are:… More »


The Emma Watson Nude Photo Threat Was A Bullshit Marketing Stunt

By: The Superficial / September 24, 2014

Over the past few days, the Internet lit up with a story that members of 4chan were allegedly threatening to release nude photos of Emma Watson in retaliation for her speech on feminism at the U.N. It even got my attention because if this shit is true (which it wasn’t), it’s pretty fucked up. And… More »


On Emma Watson And The Shitheads Threatening Her With The Fappening

By: The Superficial / September 23, 2014

UPDATE: At midnight Wednesday ET, Rantic (which is apparently a fake marketing company) took credit for this viral stunt which was supposedly aimed to discredit and shutdown 4chan. I have no clue anymore.

Let me start out by defining my absolutely questionable relationship with The Fappening, so I look slightly less hypocritical here. More »


This Is Jennifer Lopez’s New Stage Outfit

By: The Superficial / September 22, 2014

Jennifer Lopez has to compete with performers half her age, or in Ariana Grande’s case, ones that could be her (great) granddaughter. And to her credit, she’s already tackled the problem head on by making ass videos with Iggy Azalea. That’s ingenuity in it’s purest form. That said, here’s Jennifer Lopez performing in Singapore i… More »


Ariana Grande’s Life Coach Quit

By: The Superficial / September 22, 2014

Seen here performing at The iHeart Radio Music Festival over the weekend, Ariana Grande is looking more and more like an out-of-control diva who hopes her fans fucking die because now comes word that her life coach quit months ago after getting tired of her shit. Page Six reports:

We’re told that the… More »


The Other Models Are Mean To Kendall™, You Guys

By: The Superficial / September 18, 2014

Kendall Jenner genuinely believes her modeling career is solely the result of “hard work,” and being like super pretty, but even models whose diets consist of a sprig of kale and heroin know it’s because someone who fell out of the same vagina as her got peed on in a sex tape. In Touch WeeklyMore »


Rihanna To CBS: ‘F*ck You For Pulling My Song’

By: The Superficial / September 16, 2014

In light of the Ray Rice incident, CBS decided to pull “Run This Town” from Thursday Night Football because Rihanna was the victim of domestic violence, so let’s make her feel ashamed to have her music broadcast before the sacred and holy communion of NFL football. Except now they want to play her song thi… More »


Kanye Is A ‘Married, Christian Man,’ You Assholes

By: The Superficial / September 16, 2014

Kanye West has found himself in some shit after not once, but twice, demanding everyone at his shows stand up during his performance of “Good Life.” Which seems innocuous until you realize there were handicapped people in the audience who had to literally verify their disability before Kanye would go on. At one point, he… More »


Rihanna Song Pulled From Thursday Night Football

By: The Superficial / September 12, 2014

“HAHAHAHA! I’mma haunt you forever.”

Thanks to Chris Brown beating the shit out of Rihanna for looking at his phone, CBS decided to pull “Run This Town” from last night’s Thursday Night Football so people won’t have to think about the NFL only giving Ray Rice a two-game suspension for punching out hisMore »


Bertney And The No Good, Gosh Darn Secret That Wouldn’t Stay Secret

By: The Superficial / September 10, 2014

Bertney And The No Good, Gosh Darn Secret That Wouldn’t Stay A Secret
A Learning Story For Junior Secret Keepers

A long time ago Bertney got to be in a real, live movie. She doesn’t remember much about it, and has never seen it on account of it not being cartoons, butMore »


Taylor Swift Is Writing Songs About Katy Perry Now

By: The Superficial / September 9, 2014

Taylor Swift’s schtick used to be writing songs about jerk boys who didn’t make every single date like The Notebook. But she’s evolved as an artist (and a woman… nope, that wasn’t creepy) and has moved on to writing songs about other pop stars who steal her roadies or some stupid bullshit. I honestly don’t… More »


Lindsay Lohan’s Stealing Apps Now

By: The Superficial / September 8, 2014

Lindsay Lohan will steal anything that isn’t nailed down, and even then, there’s still a 50/50 chance she’ll melt through the nail with her freckle acid. But I’m not here to talk science, I’m here to talk about Lindsay stealing some dude’s idea for an app and getting sued into next week for it. Page… More »


Gwyneth Paltrow’s Gone Full Jew

By: The Superficial / September 5, 2014

After once referring to herself as a “Jewish princess” due to her family belonging to a Eastern European rabbinical dynasty, Gwyneth Paltrow has apparently stopped dicking around with Kabbalah and fully converted to Judaism. And before someone makes a joke about how she just wants to keep working in Hollywood, I’ll have you know Gwyneth… More »


Daisy Lowe Won The GQ Men of The Year Awards

By: The Superficial / September 3, 2014

You might hear some talk about some other woman winning at The GQ Men of The Year Awards in London last night, but that information is bullshit because Daisy Lowe’s breasts destroyed anything and everything in their path. One of them even controls Parliament now. Or will once they’re aware of my Doomsday Device. Photo… More »


Kate Upton Has Leaked Nude Photos, Too

By: The Superficial / August 31, 2014

So remember that scene in Ghostbusters when Peck shuts down the containment unit and floods the entire city with ghosts? Well, today’s been like that except with every single celebrity naked instead of the undead. I’m doing my best to stay away from them (WHICH I HAVE ALL DAY YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING) because I’d… More »


Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Are Married

By: The Superficial / August 28, 2014

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been together for nine years, the bulk of which they’ve spent as parents to six children. But what they don’t have a is a legal document that makes it a gigantic pain in the ass to break up, so their love has basically been meaningless horseshit if it eve… More »


No, Wait, Megan Fox, South Korea’s On Our Side!

By: The Superficial / August 27, 2014

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is an epic shitbomb of pure fuck-dumb, so here’s Megan Fox dropping it on South Korea yesterday because who needs allies? Amirite? That whole North Korea thing will probably sort itself out. Plus we’re still holding all the Dennis Rodmans. I dare anyone to defy us.

Photos: GettyMore »


Miley Cyrus’ Date To The VMAs Isn’t Exactly Homeless

By: The Superficial / August 26, 2014

Most people consider homeless to mean poor, destitute, no place to turn to. So when Miley Cyrus brought a “homeless” date to the VMAs, it was just assumed that she picked this poor guy up off the streets where poverty had left him. Turns out he’s a struggling model whose mom says he can come… More »


The 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards

By: The Superficial / August 26, 2014

Here’s the rest of The 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards where my comprehensive reporting will tell you Breaking Bad won fucking everything except for that one award for True Detective and Benedict Cumberbatch winning for Sherlock which slightly makes up for Rust Cohle losing to Walter White. More importantly, Laura Prepon demonstrated the misogynistic side… More »


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