Red Carpet

A Child Has Shed Its Hayden Panettiere Cocoon

The Superficial / December 15, 2014

Fun Fact: This pic is from August. Four months ago August. She’s dead. She died.
In defiance of the laws of physics, Hayden Panettiere gave birth to a baby girl, Kaya Evdokia, last Tuesday, according to PEOPLE, who spoke very little about Hayden’s current state because housewives don’t want to read about a severed torso… More »

Here’s Kim Kardashian’s Naked Butt Painted By A Man’s Penis

The Superficial / December 12, 2014

Kim Kardashian’s naked butt on the cover of Paper Magazine will forever be an iconic image of our generation (and the harbinger of its destruction), so why wouldn’t it be immortalized in art? Which brings us to Danish artist Uwe Max Jensen who painted Kim’s now infamous cover using his penis as the brush. Yup. More »

Ariana Grande Makes People Carry Her Like A Baby

The Superficial / December 11, 2014

Ariana Grande’s reputation for being a tiny Mariah Carey is no secret except now’s the part where the rumors of her demands have reached almost Tracy Jordan-like levels. And I believe every single one of them. Life & Style reports:
“Her new rule is that she has to be carried — literally carried like a… More »

Angelina Jolie Is A ‘Minimally Talented Spoiled Brat’: The Sony Emails

The Superficial / December 10, 2014

I work in the media, so it’s easy to forget that people actually live rich, full lives (Sometimes even outdoors. The actual outside!) where they don’t obsess over the tiniest minutiae like studio infighting and how badly Aaron Sorkin wants to feel Tom Cruise shove an iPhone 6 up his ass. Which brings me to… More »

The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 12.9.14

Photo Boy / December 9, 2014

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed which leads with Charlotte McKinney again, this time on the set of Joe Dirt 2, which you can either take as a not-very-subtle indictment of Hollywood’s inability to produce anything original, or just boobs. We’ve also got Sam Micelli because I know most of you don’t really care… More »

Taylor Swift Made Out With Karlie Kloss ‘Allegedly’

The Superficial / December 8, 2014

While I was too busy covering real stories like how Hilary Duff’s body’s going to be found in a wedding gown beneath Aaron Carter’s shed, the Internet was losing its shit over a photo of Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss making out (below) even though they basically got married during the Victoria’s Secret Fashion ShowMore »

Miley Cyrus Made Out With Paris Hilton

The Superficial / December 8, 2014

Miley Cyrus is always looking for some stupid, new edgy shit to do, and what’s more stupid and edgy than sticking your tongue in a petri dish of death and disease? Which is probably the nicest thing I’ll ever say about Paris Hilton’s mouth. The holidays just bring it out of me. Page Six reports:… More »

Krysten Ritter Is Your New Marvel Person

The Superficial / December 5, 2014

After confirming Benedict Cumberbatch as Doctor Strange, Marvel announced that Krysten Ritter landed the title role of Jessica Jones for its upcoming Netflix series. I should probably mention Alexandra Daddario was also up the part, but mostly so I can link to her nude scene in True Detective because the SEO game don’t sleep, son. More »

The 2014 American Music Awards

The Superficial / November 24, 2014

Now that we’ve seen Nakedsaurus, Rise of The Sasquatch Nip Guardians, Cry For Me, Justintina, and BUTTFORCE 9000, here’s the rest of The 2014 American Music Awards which you’ll probably notice contains a disproportionate amount of Kate Beckinsale pics even though she’s not a musical artist. Like anyone else there was. Check your privilege.
THEMore »

AMAs: Selena Gomez Didn’t Wear A Bra

The Superficial / November 24, 2014

I wasn’t joking about gunning through these, so here’s Selena Gomez at the AMAs where she wore a braless dress and cry-sang about Justin Bieber because 22-year-olds are dumb. Congratulations, you are now the foremost expert on all things Selena Gomez and may now demand the severed, gilded hands of your co-workers’ children as tribute. More »

AMAs: Kendall & Kylie Brought The ‘Squatch

The Superficial / November 24, 2014

Full Disclosure: I’ve got another giant-ass post to write about Bill Cosby, so I’m literally just throwing AMAs pics in your face starting with the least relevant and working my way up. Which is probably the greatest compliment I’ll ever give the Kardashians because I posted Kylie, Kendall and Khloe after Bleona Qereti and immediately… More »

AMAs: What The Hell Is A Bleona Qereti?

The Superficial / November 24, 2014

According to Wikipedia, Bleona Qereti is the “Madonna of Albania” and a reality TV person on Bravo’s Euros of Hollywood. I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that information, but let the record show that I tried to get to know a woman first before yelling, “You sure got nice bewbs!” inevitably… More »

Gwyneth Paltrow Took A Run At Martha Stewart, She Missed

The Superficial / November 21, 2014

Back in October, Martha Stewart dropped a nuclear pie bomb on Gwyneth Paltrow with a recipe titled “Conscious Coupling” complete with a description that took the piss right out of Gwyneth’s divorce. It was a laser-guided strike expected of someone who owns a goddamn drone. But now, a month and a half later, Gwyneth Paltrow… More »

Kim Kardashian Was Clenching Her Butt, You Guys, It Wasn’t Photoshop

The Superficial / November 18, 2014

Kim Kardashian naked ass butt pussy” is still a huge search term right now (Never change, Internet.), so here she is telling an Australian talk show that her nude photo shoot for Paper is not the product of Photoshop, but of muscular clenching which almost always turns butts into smooth, spherical half-globes. Everyone knows that. More »

Someone Invited Jessica Simpson To ‘The Hunger Games’ Premiere

The Superficial / November 18, 2014

The Hunger Games is about a dystopian future where the rich eat all of the food leaving the poor to starve unless they shoot each other in the dicks with bows and arrows. Those words also describe every Tuesday night at the Chili’s near Jessica Simpson’s house. Are you seeing the irony now?

The 2014 GOOP Gift Guide Is Quintessential GOOP

The Superficial / November 17, 2014

We’re beginning our initial descent into the maw of the holiday beast where we’ll be slowly digested over the course of the next six weeks. So to speed up that process, here’s the 2014 GOOP Gift Guide which promises to try and stay under $100, yet immediately starts with a $285 zipper wallet that some… More »


The Superficial / November 17, 2014

As advertised in the classiest headline of your life, here are Angelina Jolie’s breasts at the Hollywood Film Awards where, granted, they’re not a naked, Photoshopped FUPA – I’m sorry, squelchy pudendum. – I know for a fact they still have enough Internet juice in them to break something. Perhaps a small Croatian cat blog. More »

Emily Ratajkowski’s Breasts Deserve A Post

The Superficial / November 17, 2014

I almost just tossed these pics of Emily Ratajkowski’s breasts at the Hollywood Film Awards into the drunk Johnny Depp post and said something like, “Haha, wouldn’t it have been better posted if I talked about these, you guys?” But then I realized her breasts are people, too, and deserve their own post. So a… More »

Katy Perry’s Boyfriend Wants To Crowdfund A Booty Onto Taylor Swift

The Superficial / November 13, 2014

Despite promising myself an ass hiatus after yesterday’s 2014 Buttella Festival, I still have precious SEO to milk into my mouth, so here’s Katy Perry’s boyfriend publicly insulting the spot where Taylor Swift’s butt should be:

Get Taylor Swift A Booty— BABY DADDY (@diplo) November 12, 2014

As for… More »

Those Are Khloe Kardashian’s Nipples

The Superficial / November 10, 2014

I used up all my word juice on the Bertney post, so for these pics of Khloe Kardashian’s nipples at French Montana’s birthday party all you get is me saying, I thought Sasquatches birthed litters. Why aren’t there six of them? Now enjoy these spilling into the pics of her insane buttpud because I love/hate… More »

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