Red Carpet

Hayden Panettiere Brought Her Monster Fetus #Emmys

By: The Superficial / August 26, 2014
Here's a pregnant as fuck Hayden Panettiere at the Emmys last night where it was a goddamn miracle her unborn daughter didn't burst out of her chest and terrorize Sigourney Weaver. Which isn't so much a joke about the giant's fetus inside of her (a … More »

The Rest of The Goddamn #VMAs

By: The Superficial / August 25, 2014
Because our server is like the TARDIS if the TARDIS had Down syndrome, we're falling apart at the seams over here, so here's the rest of The 2014 VMAs before the whole thing explodes. And if you're wondering why I'm not posting about Beyonce's feminist tour de force or … More »

The Kardashians Checked Their Phones During The Ferguson Moment of Silence #VMAs

By: The Superficial / August 25, 2014
During last night's VMAs, Common held a moment of silence for Ferguson which the Kardashians felt was the appropriate time to check their phones (above) because someone might have tweeted about Kim's dress, you guys. Yes, they understand that black teens are being … More »

Child Hookers? Why Not? #VMAs

By: The Superficial / August 25, 2014
The media would have you believe this is singer/actress Ariana Grande, but really it's a sophisticated Pre-Crime tool used to weed out future pedophiles before they strike by prompting an easily collected database of Internet commenters who want to have sex with its butt. I'm just doing my part to protect the children … More »

Katy Perry’s Breasts Were There #VMAs

By: The Superficial / August 25, 2014
Outside of her recent trip to a Kansas water park (Warning: Contains breasts GIFs. And you're gone.), Katy Perry's breasts have been elusive creatures because she's an artiste now. Except here they are at last night's VMAs where she brought Riff Raff as her date even though … More »

Let’s Start With Taylor Swift’s Ass Cheeks #VMAs

By: The Superficial / August 25, 2014
Somewhere between making Diet Coke commercials and getting a dog with Karlie Kloss, Taylor Swift realized she has the body of a Victoria's Secret model complete with 9,000 mile long legs. So here she is at last night's VMAs showing off more ass and vulv … More »

And Now Time For Tara Reid Or Kate Gosselin Melting Under A Heat Lamp?

By: The Superficial / August 22, 2014
Now I know what you're thinking, there aren't 25 Asian kids running around, so clearly it's Tara Reid. Except you're forgetting one important piece of information: Kate Gosselin hates her children and will do everything in her power to never be around them. Why do you think her house is 80% … More »

Demi Moore Gave Rumer Willis A Gun Cake

By: The Superficial / August 18, 2014
Apparently, everyone's supposed to lose their shit over Demi Moore giving Rumer Willis a gun cake for her 26th birthday even though it's supposedly a callback to her photo shoot with Tyler Shields. I'm a wiener-bitch liberal when it comes to guns, and even I don't see … More »

Jennifer Lawrence Is Banging Chris Martin, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Chris Martin

By: The Superficial / August 15, 2014
"Who's gettin' GOOPed now, bitch? WHA?" Gwyneth Paltrow is a wound tight, meticulous of curator macrobiotic living filtered through a sexy, breezy pashmina that only costs $25,000, so any single, working mom can afford it. Jennifer Lawrence... well, Jennifer Lawrence doesn't give a fuck. She'll fart, burp, make a demon face … More »

Carmen Electra’s Breasts Are A Happy Post

By: The Superficial / August 12, 2014
The last few posts have been about suicide, child molestation and sexual assault, but since the night is always darkest just before the dawn, here are Carmen Electra's breasts at The Expendables 3 premiere because I'll never forsake you. Unless it'd be really funny then … More »

The 2014 Teen Choice Awards

By: The Superficial / August 11, 2014
Someone just spotted Kim Kardashian. I've grown old enough where I've forgotten what it's like to be a teenager and now hate them for their youthful vigor and freedom to make stupid choices with abandon. Case in point: I once drove an hour to the nearest Best Buy to buy Limp Bizkit's Significant … More »

Guys, I’m Pretty Sure Megan Fox Wants To Bang Shia LaBeouf Again

By: The Superficial / August 8, 2014
Earlier in the week, Megan Fox made it a point to let the world know she's not having sex with Brian Austin Green. On top of that, she made a passive aggressive jab that he wants more kids because "he doesn't have to do any of the … More »

Megan Fox Tells Moviegoers To ‘F*ck Off’

By: The Superficial / August 4, 2014
Back in her Transformers heyday, Megan Fox had a small problem with opening her mouth and letting words come out of it. Words like "Hitler" and, well, basically any thought in her head. But, now that she's humbled herself and crawled back to Michael Bay, … More »

Megan Fox Isn’t George Zimmerman

By: The Superficial / July 30, 2014
Because you don't come to this site to read about how small your dick is for cowering like a pussy behind guns, here's Megan Fox at the Mexico City premiere of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where I'll assume the promotional poster featured the Turtles … More »

How Hot Did Selena Gomez Look While Justin Bieber Got Punched In The Face?

By: The Superficial / July 30, 2014
Chipmunk hooker hot? I'm going with chipmunk hooker hot. Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Ivon Miguel/AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News, Splash News … More »

Beyonce’s Moving Out

By: The Superficial / July 29, 2014
Yesterday, we found out that Jay Z cheated on Beyonce with Rihanna which was also the reason for Solange's elevator attack if we're all going to start believing lizard people talking points now. Why make them go through the trouble of secretly putting mind control in our water? That's my motto. More »

Comic-Con: ‘Avengers: Age of Ultron,’ And Oh Yeah, ‘Ant-Man,’ I Guess

By: The Superficial / July 28, 2014
Considering they have no less than 20 movies coming out at a time, Marvel gets the prime time-slot in Comic-Con's Hall H where this year they wheeled out the entire cast of The Avengers: Age of Ultron - minus pregnant ScarJo - after an awkwardly brief … More »

Comic-Con: ‘Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice’

By: The Superficial / July 28, 2014
Despite a release date that's almost two years from now, DC Comics had to have something to show at Comic-Con or Marvel would walk right over them even more than they already are, so Zack Snyder showed up on Saturday and amazingly put up a fight by … More »

Lindsay Lohan Actually Looks Good? WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! And Other News

By: The Superficial / July 27, 2014
- Jennifer Lawrence might be single again. [Lainey Gossip] - Aretha Franklin will eat her goddamn burger wherever she wants, Johnny Rockets. [Dlisted] - So the axe goes up her butt? Is that what I'm supposed to take away from this? [Fishwrapper] - Sunday Is A Good Day For … More »

Comic-Con Day 2: I’m In Love With A Giant

By: The Superficial / July 26, 2014
Welcome to Day Two of our Comic-Con coverage which I'm telling myself will justify beefing this Friday to go see Guardians of The Galaxy and spending way too long writing a dick-joke laden review of it. Lies are fun. Anyway, let's get to it. I've still got … More »

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