Red Carpet

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At Least Jenny McCarthy’s Breasts Aren’t Horribly Damaging Kids- Wait

Usually this is the part where I post T&A pics to rinse everybody’s brains from the child-destroying garbage that came before it. It’s a small service I provide for the community, but I don’t like to brag about it. Except I kind of fucked up and forgot to leave out the part where kids getMore »


Rihanna’s Breasts Fought AIDS, Too

Here’s Rihanna at yesterday’s amfAR Inspiration Gala where she spent the whole night saying things like, “Damn! Miley Cyrus and that mouse with an Australian accent just shot a guy with a plunger!” And, “Oh snap, that fly’s wearing a red shirt!” It really was an incredible evening. You should’ve been there.

THEMore »


Miley Cyrus Wore This To Fight AIDS

Because every post about misogynistic reactions to the academic discussion of sexist tropes should be followed by pics of Miley Cyrus’ cleavage, here she is at last night’s amfAR Inspiration Gala where she helped Dale and the other Rescue Rangers stop Fat Cat with a plane made out of a bleach bottle. People could hardly… More »



No Shit Gwyneth Paltrow Broke Up Chris Martin & Jennifer Lawrence

The very second Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin broke up, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out it probably had to do with the woman he’s technically still married to who also has a giant ego that’s about to get her face baked into a quiche. So let’s get this other with. Via… More »


Kim Kardashian Compared Herself To ‘I Love Lucy’

Once you’ve written about one reality show and the empty, mammoth husks of humanity that star in them, you kind of want to write about them all. So here’s Kim Kardashian literally comparing Keeping Up With The Kardashians to I Love Lucy with a straight face. Although, it’s not like she could move it if… More »


Jennifer Lawrence & Chris Martin Stopped F*cking

Presumably because Gwyneth Paltrow keeps Chris Martin’s balls firmly ensconced in a hand-carved Sri Lankan testicle cuplet ($799.95, GOOP), his conscious coupling with Jennifer Lawrence’s vagina has transcended this plane of reality, according to E! News. Plus it’s not like he can’t see her naked anytime he wan- what? We’re all thinking it. And I’m… More »



Blake Lively’s Pregnant Body Won The Angel Ball

Normally, pregnancy is God’s way of cursing woman for using their filthy vagina holes for sex, but sometimes it can result a in beautiful transformation instead of the Beast of the Apocalypse. And such is the case with Blake Lively who took time away from running a website full of plagiarism and the hottest slaveowner… More »


I’m Told This Is Renee Zellweger

If someone asked me to describe Renee Zellweger for a police sketch artist, the first words out of my mouth would be, “Lemons. She ate all the lemons.” From there, I’d go into extensive detail about squinting, so let’s cut the shit, who’s this impostor? I’m looking at your entire eye, woman. Reveal yourself!
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Blake Lively’s Website Loves Slaveowners, Plagiarism

While Martha Stewart has declared all-out war on Gwyneth Paltrow, pretentious, young upstart Blake Lively is successfully torpedoing herself by publishing articles about the Antebellum South that would give Paula Deen a butter boner and then threatening to sue Gawker for epically calling her on it. Which should’ve stopped there, but Lainey Gossip took notice… More »



And Now Back To Kesha Said, Dr. Luke Said

I’m going to start myself off in a hole here, and see how far I can climb myself out or dig myself even deeper as I do. Kesha’s stint in rehab for an “eating disorder” has always seemed sketchy as shit. Especially when her mom checked in with her for “PTSD” which now seems even… More »


Selena Gomez Walks Around Her House Naked

After every awful post about child predators, or in this case the authors who defend them, I like to try and bring eveybody back to a happy place. So here’s Selena Gomez telling Ellen she likes to walk naked around her new, Justin Bieber-free house. As for what you’re supposed to do with that information,… More »


And Now Back To BEWBS (Specifically Courtney Stodden And Mozart Ones)

For the sake of this post, let’s pretend I have two types of readers because broad generalizations are fun and easy. There are the thinkers and the boob lookers, and like any good parent, I love both of you equally. (To your face. Privately? I’ve plotted one of your deaths. Again, like a good parent.)… More »



There’s The Snappening Now

After The Fappening realized it was leaking pictures of Nick Hogan and shot itself in the face (It’s a working theory.), the time was right for The Snappening, a new hack of SnapChat resulting in over 90,000 photos leaked online yesterday. Except one small problem, besides being illegal as fuck, SnapChat is widely used by… More »


Kat Dennings’ Breasts Are Dating Josh Groban

Josh Groban’s voice has the gift to unlock powerful emotions that you never thought you were capable of experiencing. Kat Dennings’ breasts do exactly the same thing only on a much deeper spiritual level that’s capable of bathing all of humanity in a warm golden light while ushering in a new age of peace and… More »


Taylor Swift’s Trying To Bang Selena Gomez!

Okay, that headline might seem like sensationalistic click-bait, but I honestly don’t know how else you read this Selena Gomez quote without getting the impression that Taylor Swift wants to passionately tongue her vagina in a Brooklyn brownstone while Karlie Kloss watches from a window, her jealously steaming in the nighttime rain. E! News reports:… More »



Gwyneth Paltrow: ‘Martha Stewart Sees Me As Competition’

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wait, she’s actually serious, isn’t she? Us Weekly reports:

“No one has ever said anything bad about me before, so I’m shocked and devastated,” Paltrow said sarcastically. “I’ll try to recover,” she added.
“If I’m really honest, I’m so psyched that she sees us as competition. I’m so psyched. More »


Jessica Lange Snubbing Lea Michele Wants To Help

It’s been a depressing day full of unmentionable evil (Those links are right.), so here’s Jessica Lange snubbing Lea Michele at the American Horror Story: Freak Show premiere because sometimes this world can open itself up to you and not be a complete shitpot. Although very rarely, and it’s still best to assume there’s a… More »


Jennifer Garner Has To Be Loving Life

Ben Affleck is the star of the critically-acclaimed, #1 movie at the box office that let him work closely with Emily Ratajkowski’s naked breasts. He’s also Batman. Jennifer Garner, on the other hand, is the star of Alexander and The Fuck You I’m Not Typing All That, a Disney movie she premiered last night while… More »



Robert Downey Jr. Will Make ‘Iron Man 4′ If Mel Gibson Directs

“That’s some sturdy looking Jew metal.”
“Hahahaha, what?”

Marvel needs Robert Downey Jr. way more than Robert Downey Jr. needs Marvel, and once his contract was up with Iron Man 3, they paid out the dick to keep him for Avengers 2 and 3. And rightly so. Except now he’s testing them… More »


Blake Lively Is Pregnant

First Hilary Duff had a kid then Mila Kunis, and now Blake Lively’s pregnant, but let’s all freak about Ebola instead of the real disease spreading right before our eyes. Anyway, this is why Kelly Brook’s the perfect woman. Not only does she have huge, giant breasts, but she’s prone to mis- *gets tackled byMore »


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