Red Carpet

Farrah Abraham Writes Erotica Now

The Superficial / April 2, 2014

Like any Christian author paying his or her dues, Farrah Abraham has to get a trilogy of erotic romance novels out of her system before she can set herself to the task of instructing you, the Godless heathens, on how to raise your children in a manner befitting the Kingdom of Heaven. Which brings u… More »

Katy Perry Really Knows How To Make Men Jealous

The Superficial / April 1, 2014

Following up her decision to bang Riff Raff, Katy Perry continued her “Fuck You (For More Than Likely Cheating On Me With Kelly Monaco), John Mayer” tour over the weekend by telling E! News she plans to become a green-haired collector of fine arts, and, no, this is not an April Fool’s Joke. Switching Photo… More »

Good Morning, Emma Watson, And Other News

The Superficial / April 1, 2014

- Marvel apparently pulled a dump truck full of money up to Chris Evans’ house. [Lainey Gossip]
– Of course Johnny Depp is wearing Amber Heard’s engagement ring now. [Dlisted]
– Have you seen these boobs? Asking for a friend. [theCHIVE]
- Madonna is laughing! The Plague of Boils is at hand! [Fishwrapper]
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Gwyneth Paltrow’s Conscious Uncoupling Was A Smokescreen? The F*ck You Say?!

The Superficial / March 31, 2014

You might want to sit down for this. So you know how Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announced they were consciously uncoupling making it look like they’re both super cool, meditative people whose marriage is on a deep, spiritual journey high above yours? Turns out they might have done that so you don’t find out… More »

Yes, Lea Michele, The Kids’ Choice Awards Is A Great Place To See Your Nipples

The Superficial / March 31, 2014

While appearing at The Humane Society Gala, an adult fundraising event, Joanna Krupa, of all people, had the social decorum to at least cover up her nipples with pasties. So with that in mind, here’s Lea Michele at the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards where I’m staring directly at her nipple. And people wonder why CoryMore »

Gwyneth Paltrow Thanks You For Your Support

The Superficial / March 28, 2014

To us, the poor and downtrodden, it would seem like the entire Internet had a field day with Gwyneth Paltrow announcing she’s consciously uncoupled from Chris Martin and quitting acting because it’s much, much harder than being a mother who works 9 to 5. Except we’re seeing things through a plebeian paradigm of noncelestial happenstance… More »

Mila Kunis Is Definitely Pregnant, There’s No Denying It Anymore

The Superficial / March 28, 2014

“Is that my real daddy? Can it be?” – Mila Kunis’ fetus
Even though I posted about it, I never truly believed Mila Kunis is pregnant because, let’s be honest, we all read it on the Internet and the Internet is bullshit. Almost nothing on here is real. For God’s sake, Kim Kardashian isn’t eve… More »

WTF Is Conscious Uncoupling?

The Superficial / March 26, 2014

Yesterday, Gywneth Paltrow and Chris Martin shocked absolutely no one by announcing they’re separating. Except separating is a plebeian word beneath one of Madame GOOP’s station, so they’re calling it “conscious uncoupling” and providing reading material from new age therapists so that we, the swine and downtrodden, may better understand the evolutionary nature of their… More »

Scarlett Johansson’s Breasts Are Getting Larger By The Minute

The Superficial / March 21, 2014

Remember the other day when Scarlett Johansson defended Woody Allen?
Yeah, me neither. *slaps face against monitor* (Hold my calls.)
Photos: Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENNMore »

Lena Dunham Just Made The Most Sense About The Woody Allen Debacle

The Superficial / March 18, 2014

While Scarlett Johansson insured there’ll be an Oscar-worthy project down the road the for her by defending Woody Allen to The Guardian, Lena Dunham has made the most surprisingly profound remarks to Marc Maron about the alleged molestation of Dylan Farrow and how that should reflect on Woody Allen’s art. So while you read that,… More »

Mick Jagger’s Girlfriend Hung Herself

The Superficial / March 17, 2014

According to TMZ, Mick Jagger’s longtime girlfriend fashion designer L’Wren Scott was found hanging inside her apartment today. Even more surprising, police don’t suspect foul play despite the fact The Joker’s killed Mick Jagger’s girlfriend before. Remember when he stole Jerry Hall from Jack Palance and was all like, “Okay, so you’re an art thing,… More »

Scarlett Johansson Busted Out The Prego-Boobs

The Superficial / March 14, 2014

You can really tell Marvel’s been saying all the right words to Scarlett Johansson lately (Read: Solo Black Widow movie.) because here she is making with the prego-boobs at the Hollywood premiere of Captain America: The Winter Soldier last night after spending the day before not letting reporters ask about her pregnancy. And if you’re… More »

Good Morning, Hermione, And Other News

The Superficial / March 14, 2014

- Rooney Mara is your new Tiger Lily because why hire a real Native American? [Lainey Gossip]
- Michael Lohan’s baby mama got busted for DUI. Of course. [Dlisted]
- Things That Bounce Thursday is the GIF compilation you need. [theCHIVE]
– Here’s a chick puking on Lady GaGa’s tit. Yup. [Fishwrapper]
– You ca… More »


The Superficial / March 13, 2014

Kristen Bell might be a shrill, over-entitled celebrity who equates paparazzi photos with child rape (which, fuck you, Jezebel, is the exact definition of hysterical), but here she is flashing her nude panties at the premiere of something or rather which will generate me a profitable amount of Internet clicks so I can spout off… More »

Teresa Giudice Told Her Kids She’s Going To Jail While Filming ‘Real Housewives’

The Superficial / March 6, 2014

Reality television is a shithole inhabited by shitheads doing shitty things for shitty people to watch, so it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that Real Housewives of New Jersey star Teresa Giudice decided to exploit the most traumatic moment in her children’s lives so she has a better storyline than Carmella Meatball Buttafuoco Spaghetti. More »

Kanye West Wants Kim Kardashian To Stop Being An International Hooker

The Superficial / March 5, 2014

“Now that my lovely assistant Betsy Bovine has gathered you all here, let’s kill The Bat! Wack! WACK-WACK-WACK-WACK!”

Last week, Kim Kardashian accepted $500,000 of Richard Lugner’s money to be his date to Vienna’s annual Opera Ball because her mother raised her to be a prostitute, and I can’t believe I had to… More »

An Open Letter From Justin #BBare To Drake On The Subject of Dat Ass

The Superficial / March 4, 2014

Dearest Drake (ak-47-a Wheelchair Jimmy),

It has come to the attention of I, Justin Felonius B-Bare, Canada’s One and Only Darkest Son, that you have been making references to da ass of one Selena Gomez who I, not even 24 hours ago, called a most elegant princess dampenin’ dem panties beyond composition. More »

Scarlett Johansson’s Pregnant (For Real This Time)

The Superficial / March 4, 2014

For those of you wondering why the hell Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive would resort to shilling sugar water for a company that operates a factory in a contested hotbed of religious infighting, it turns out Scarlett Johansson is five months pregnant, and this time isn’t the work of angles and weird shirts. Or so RomaineMore »

No Miranda Kerrs Left Behind And Other News

The Superficial / March 4, 2014

- Charlize Theron and Sean Penn are doing red carpets now. [Lainey Gossip]
- Reese Witherspoon is a powerful (pregnant) wizard. [Dlisted]
- Things Are Getting Awfully Squishy Around Here [theCHIVE]
- Kristin Davis is sorry about Sex and The City. [Fishwrapper]
- Lupita Nyong’o photobombed the shit out of Jared Leto. [The Frisky]
-… More »

Justin #Bbare: World’s Most Elephant Shakesbeard

The Superficial / March 3, 2014

‘Fore we even get started up here, let the platinum records show that my boy B-Bare is the stone cold, numba one pussy slayer. Bitches be gettin’ wet just thinkin’ ’bout him, and he be wettin’ them bitches just thinkin’ ’bout them. It’s a wizardry y’all don’t know nothin’ bout which is why it’s a… More »

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