Red Carpet

An Open Letter From Justin #BBare To Drake On The Subject of Dat Ass

By: The Superficial / March 4, 2014

Dearest Drake (ak-47-a Wheelchair Jimmy),

It has come to the attention of I, Justin Felonius B-Bare, Canada’s One and Only Darkest Son, that you have been making references to da ass of one Selena Gomez who I, not even 24 hours ago, called a most elegant princess dampenin’ dem panties beyond composition. More »

Scarlett Johansson’s Pregnant (For Real This Time)

By: The Superficial / March 4, 2014

For those of you wondering why the hell Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive would resort to shilling sugar water for a company that operates a factory in a contested hotbed of religious infighting, it turns out Scarlett Johansson is five months pregnant, and this time isn’t the work of angles and weird shirts. Or so RomaineMore »

No Miranda Kerrs Left Behind And Other News

By: The Superficial / March 4, 2014

- Charlize Theron and Sean Penn are doing red carpets now. [Lainey Gossip]

- Reese Witherspoon is a powerful (pregnant) wizard. [Dlisted]

- Things Are Getting Awfully Squishy Around Here [theCHIVE]

- Kristin Davis is sorry about Sex and The City. [Fishwrapper]

- Lupita Nyong’o photobombed the… More »

Justin #Bbare: World’s Most Elephant Shakesbeard

By: The Superficial / March 3, 2014

‘Fore we even get started up here, let the platinum records show that my boy B-Bare is the stone cold, numba one pussy slayer. Bitches be gettin’ wet just thinkin’ ’bout him, and he be wettin’ them bitches just thinkin’ ’bout them. It’s a wizardry y’all don’t know nothin’ bout which is why it’s a… More »

Christina Hendricks Can’t Get A Breast Reduction

By: The Superficial / March 3, 2014

Here’s Christina Hendricks looking noticeably less chesty at Elton John’s Oscar party which means she either got a breast reduction or we have no fucking clue how female undergarments work. (I didn’t believe that last one either. *resumes trying to unhook bra from mannequin* C’mon…) The important thing is nobody made any rash decisions and… More »

The 86th Annual Academy Awards

By: The Superficial / March 3, 2014

I pretty much made my feelings on the Oscars known last night – Although, kudos to Rust Cohle for his work as an undercover AIDS patient. – so here are the best red carpet pics Photo Boy could find while I sat in the corner making beer can men and mumbling how we’ll do thi… More »

Angelina Jolie’s New Boobs Have Powerful Nipples

By: The Superficial / March 3, 2014

By the end of February, even Hollywood’s sick of awards show, so here’s The 2014 Independent Film Spirit Awards which happens every year the night before the Oscars. I don’t know what exactly separates the two events, but I do know that Angelina Jolie showed up with her new boobs and Krysten Ritter and PaulaMore »

What’s That ‘Service’ Where A Dude Pays A Chick To ‘Escort’ Him? Don’t Tell Me, It’s Right On The Tip Of My Tongue.

By: Photo Boy / February 28, 2014

“I’m so sorry sir, this one seems to be malfunctioning. Don’t worry, we’re always prepared. KYLIEEEEEE!!”

Posted by Photo Boy

I know, it’s two Kardashian posts in a row, but when Kim gets paid half a million dollars by a creepy old dude like Richard Lugner and claims it’s just for… More »

Katy Perry Dumped John Mayer

By: The Superficial / February 26, 2014

“Yeah, we’re still not getting married.”

Over the past few weeks, there’s been rumor after rumor about Katy Perry getting engaged to John Mayer except now E! News is reporting she dumped his ass which I’m sure had nothing to do with a press campaign to box him into proposing. Guy… More »

Lili Simmons Is Your New Naked Chick From ‘True Detective’

By: The Superficial / February 25, 2014

True Detective is the goddamn highlight of my week, and probably the greatest written, acted, and directed season of television that any of us will ever see. Which is why I hate to reduce it to just another show where hot chicks get naked, but I’d also hate to not have clicks on my titty… More »

Robin Thicke & Paula Patton Are Separating, I Can’t Imagine Why

By: The Superficial / February 25, 2014

Yesterday, Robin Thicke and Paula Patton announced they’re separating which seems odd for a couple in a totally “chill” open marriage because it’s not like that’s a concept entirely based on at least one person being tired of fucking the other. It has all the elements for success. People reports:

“We will alway… More »

Remember How Christina Aguilera Got Really Skinny? That’s All Over Now

By: The Superficial / February 21, 2014

Sometime around April of last year, Christina Aguilera got crazy skinny after looking perpetually pregnant for most of 2012 and almost ruining The Voice in the process. Except, good news, she is pregnant now presumably because no one gave a shit about her engagement announcement last week. People reports:

A week after announcing… More »

How Many Affairs Is Gwyneth Paltrow Having?

By: The Superficial / February 19, 2014

Despite having Chris Martin’s initial tattooed on her pubic bone, Defamer (via former Gawker editor’s Neetzan Zimmerman’s new startup app Whisper) is reporting that Gwyneth Paltrow had or is having an affair with Kevin Yorn. Whether that’s on top of or in place of the one she was reportedly having with millionaire hotel owner JeffMore »

Michelle Rodriguez Is Banging Cara Delevingne

By: The Superficial / February 19, 2014

Presumably because Vin Diesel always talks about cars when they do it, or she has amnesia again (Damn your undercover missions, Paul Walker. DAMN THEM TO HELL.), Michelle Rodriguez confirmed to The Mirror that she’s dating Cara Delevingne. Which is cool, it’s 2014. Lesbians be free to lesbianate. I’m just concerned with what happened to… More »

Herpes: It’s What’s For Breakfast And Other News

By: The Superficial / February 17, 2014

- Leonardo DiCaprio’s silent campaign to beat Matthew McConaughey at the Oscars. [Lainey Gossip]

- Ellen Page made what everyone knew official. [Dlisted]

- My Big Ol’ Boobies, Tis of Thee… [theCHIVE]

- Chris Brown is very concerned about women now. [Fishwrapper]

- Martha Stewart wants to… More »

Those Are Kendall Jenner’s Nipples

By: The Superficial / February 14, 2014

Here’s Kendall Jenner somehow walking the Marc Jacobs runway during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week last night, and yes, those are her nipples you’re clearly seeing directly through her shirt. And I get it. Kris Jenner has a brand to keep relevant while people lose interest in Kim’s ass, but did she have to drain Kendall’s lifeforce… More »

Farrah Abraham Wants To Be A ‘Virgin Forever.’ Butt-Squirt Farrah.

By: The Superficial / February 13, 2014

After knee-capping real rape survivors to promote the sequel to her sex tape, jack-butt of all trades Farrah Abraham has apparently switched back to Christian parenting mode because she’s totally done with having sex, you guys, and is saving her body for Christ. You read that. Via Life & Style:

Farrah Abraham bared… More »

Kristen Stewart Wrote A Poem

By: The Superficial / February 12, 2014

I’m going to be honest here. I know next to nothing about poetry and would immediately zone out during any part of any class when it was time to read or write it. I even dated an English major who tried her damnedest to get me into it, but she also could orgasm just by… More »

Those Are Abbie Cornish’s Nipples

By: The Superficial / February 11, 2014

Everyone enjoy Thor’s muscles rippling through his shirt, almost as if they’re calling your name to cover them in delicious cinnamon and papas fritas? Perfect. Now back to boobs. Here’s Abbie Cornish wearing a see-through dress to the Hollywood premiere of RoboCop last night. Which you’d assume wouldn’t warrant a whole post because who the… More »

Shia LaBeouf Is A Douche In A Bag

By: The Superficial / February 10, 2014

Here’s Shia LaBeouf at the Berlin International Film Festival premiere of Nymphomaniac yesterday where he walked the red carpet with a bag over his head to cap off his earlier performance verite de fartsniffadeux of walking out of the Q&A after answering only one question with a plagiarized answer from French soccer player Eric Cantora’… More »

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