Red Carpet

Jenny McCarthy Is Literally Trying To Say She’s Never Been Anti-Vaccines Now

The Superficial / April 14, 2014

Before this day gets consumed by Coachella and The MTV Movie Awards, I just want to make everyone aware that in a new op-ed for the Chicago Sun-Times, Jenny McCarthy tries to say she’s never been anti-vaccines. The Jenny McCarthy. What she does try to say is she’s just concerned with the amount of vaccine… More »

The 2014 MTV Movie Awards

The Superficial / April 14, 2014

Here’s the rest of The 2014 MTV Movie Awards which you’ll quickly notice is mostly Rita Ora’s cleavage, and for some odd reason, an almost equal amount of Zac Efron shirtless which was a typo. I have no idea how those got there, or why I tried to wash my clothes on them. I should… More »

Emma Stone Was A Vampire This Whole Time And Other News

The Superficial / April 14, 2014

- Robert Downey Jr. is the goddamn man. [Lainey Gossip]
- Beyonce crashed Solange’s Coachella performance. [Dlisted]
- Tan Line Season Has Finally Arrived [theCHIVE]
- Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin make no fucking sense. [Fishwrapper]
– Science is growing vaginas in labs now! IN YOUR FACE, VIRGINITY. [The Frisky]
- Emmy Rossum is leggy. More »

Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Jessica Alba & Victoria Justice Were The Hot Ones

The Superficial / April 14, 2014

Here’s Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Jessica Alba, and Victoria Justice at last night’s MTV Movie Awards who I could’ve easily put into their own galleries, but your attention spans aren’t the greatest, so I made Photo Boy moosh them all into one. Also, I like to pretend Rihanna and Nicki keep side-eyeing each other, so soo… More »

Joe Francis Is Going To Be The Father Of Twin Girls. Joe Francis.

The Superficial / April 10, 2014

And now for the most hilarious collection of words you’ll ever read thanks to Joe Francis announcing to Us Weekly that he specifically Kate Gosselin’d his girlfriend Abbey Wilson with twin girls because women’s bodies are but a canvas for him to create if create means taking naked pictures of drunk sorority girls:
Francis isn’t… More »

Taylor Swift’s Parents Are Katherine Heigl-ing Her

The Superficial / April 8, 2014

According to Page Six, Taylor Swift’s parents are straight Katherine Heigl-ing her career which is really all I wanted to post about. Not so much the specifics of what’s happening to Taylor’s career, or why her parents are to blame, but that Katherine Heigl has been reduced to a go-to term for how hard a… More »

Still Don’t Call ScarJo ScarJo

The Superficial / April 8, 2014

Back in 2011, Scarlett Johansson got pissed off about the nickname ScarJo, and now here’s ScarJo getting mad about ScarJo again while also shitting on JLo because apparently ScarJo doesn’t want to be equated with JLo who’s not very ScarJo. Via HuffPo:
“I associate that name with, like, pop stars. ‘It sounds tacky. It’s lazy… More »

Lady Gaga’s Demanding Photo Agencies Photoshop Her Pictures Now

The Superficial / April 8, 2014

While Beyonce went the less subtle route of having her publicist demand websites remove unflattering photos of her, Lady Gaga’s people were smart enough to realize photo agencies would let you have sex with your kids if it meant an exclusive and started demanding pics be “enhanced” before they’re approved for publication. A process that… More »

Chris Martin Cheated On Gwyneth Paltrow With A Lowly Commoner

The Superficial / April 7, 2014

While Gwyneth Paltrow had the quiet poise and sophistication to conduct her affairs with captains of industry, Chris Martin has reportedly debased himself by sleeping with a common peasant. Page Six reports:

NBC staff have been buzzing about an affair Martin had after appearing as the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live“ i… More »

Hey, Look, Scarlett Johansson Made A Sequel To ‘Limitless’

The Superficial / April 3, 2014

Here’s the trailer for Lucy starring Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow a young woman who gets slut-shamed by the Japanese into becoming Black Widow a walking Matrix with boobs, or something. (I shot my load with the Limitless headline. You got me.)

We Now Return To Prego-Boobs Already In ProgressMore »

Jennette McCurdy Got ‘Sam & Cat’ Cancelled

The Superficial / April 2, 2014

Before I begin, wasn’t there a thing not too long ago where everyone was geeking out over how old 14-year-olds were looking? When the hell did that slam into reverse? Because it seems like every 21-year-old looks goddamn 12. It’s like Chris Hansen is taunting me… testing me… Anyway, back to some Nickelodeon show that… More »

Don’t Look At The Jennifer Love Hewitt. The Jennifer Love Hewitt Has Gone Bad.

The Superficial / April 2, 2014

Jennifer Love Hewitt has been in hiding ever since the “birth” of her “child” in November. Except here she is debuting her new maternity line yesterday and, goddammit, what happened here? And before anyone accuses me of body shaming, I’ll have you know I’m (also) talking about her face. This is almost Britney Spears level… More »

Farrah Abraham Writes Erotica Now

The Superficial / April 2, 2014

Like any Christian author paying his or her dues, Farrah Abraham has to get a trilogy of erotic romance novels out of her system before she can set herself to the task of instructing you, the Godless heathens, on how to raise your children in a manner befitting the Kingdom of Heaven. Which brings u… More »

Katy Perry Really Knows How To Make Men Jealous

The Superficial / April 1, 2014

Following up her decision to bang Riff Raff, Katy Perry continued her “Fuck You (For More Than Likely Cheating On Me With Kelly Monaco), John Mayer” tour over the weekend by telling E! News she plans to become a green-haired collector of fine arts, and, no, this is not an April Fool’s Joke. Switching Photo… More »

Good Morning, Emma Watson, And Other News

The Superficial / April 1, 2014

- Marvel apparently pulled a dump truck full of money up to Chris Evans’ house. [Lainey Gossip]
– Of course Johnny Depp is wearing Amber Heard’s engagement ring now. [Dlisted]
– Have you seen these boobs? Asking for a friend. [theCHIVE]
- Madonna is laughing! The Plague of Boils is at hand! [Fishwrapper]
- 8More »

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Conscious Uncoupling Was A Smokescreen? The F*ck You Say?!

The Superficial / March 31, 2014

You might want to sit down for this. So you know how Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announced they were consciously uncoupling making it look like they’re both super cool, meditative people whose marriage is on a deep, spiritual journey high above yours? Turns out they might have done that so you don’t find out… More »

Yes, Lea Michele, The Kids’ Choice Awards Is A Great Place To See Your Nipples

The Superficial / March 31, 2014

While appearing at The Humane Society Gala, an adult fundraising event, Joanna Krupa, of all people, had the social decorum to at least cover up her nipples with pasties. So with that in mind, here’s Lea Michele at the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards where I’m staring directly at her nipple. And people wonder why CoryMore »

Gwyneth Paltrow Thanks You For Your Support

The Superficial / March 28, 2014

To us, the poor and downtrodden, it would seem like the entire Internet had a field day with Gwyneth Paltrow announcing she’s consciously uncoupled from Chris Martin and quitting acting because it’s much, much harder than being a mother who works 9 to 5. Except we’re seeing things through a plebeian paradigm of noncelestial happenstance… More »

Mila Kunis Is Definitely Pregnant, There’s No Denying It Anymore

The Superficial / March 28, 2014

“Is that my real daddy? Can it be?” – Mila Kunis’ fetus
Even though I posted about it, I never truly believed Mila Kunis is pregnant because, let’s be honest, we all read it on the Internet and the Internet is bullshit. Almost nothing on here is real. For God’s sake, Kim Kardashian isn’t eve… More »

WTF Is Conscious Uncoupling?

The Superficial / March 26, 2014

Yesterday, Gywneth Paltrow and Chris Martin shocked absolutely no one by announcing they’re separating. Except separating is a plebeian word beneath one of Madame GOOP’s station, so they’re calling it “conscious uncoupling” and providing reading material from new age therapists so that we, the swine and downtrodden, may better understand the evolutionary nature of their… More »

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