Once you’ve written about one reality show and the empty, mammoth husks of humanity that star in them, you kind of want to write about them all. So here’s Kim Kardashian literally comparing Keeping Up With The Kardashians to I Love Lucy with a straight face. Although, it’s not like she could move it if… More »
Normally, pregnancy is God’s way of cursing woman for using their filthy vagina holes for sex, but sometimes it can result a in beautiful transformation instead of the Beast of the Apocalypse. And such is the case with Blake Lively who took time away from running a website full of plagiarism and the hottest slaveowner… More »
If someone asked me to describe Renee Zellweger for a police sketch artist, the first words out of my mouth would be, “Lemons. She ate all the lemons.” From there, I’d go into extensive detail about squinting, so let’s cut the shit, who’s this impostor? I’m looking at your entire eye, woman. Reveal yourself!
… More »
I’m going to start myself off in a hole here, and see how far I can climb myself out or dig myself even deeper as I do. Kesha’s stint in rehab for an “eating disorder” has always seemed sketchy as shit. Especially when her mom checked in with her for “PTSD” which now seems even… More »
For the sake of this post, let’s pretend I have two types of readers because broad generalizations are fun and easy. There are the thinkers and the boob lookers, and like any good parent, I love both of you equally. (To your face. Privately? I’ve plotted one of your deaths. Again, like a good parent.)… More »
Josh Groban’s voice has the gift to unlock powerful emotions that you never thought you were capable of experiencing. Kat Dennings’ breasts do exactly the same thing only on a much deeper spiritual level that’s capable of bathing all of humanity in a warm golden light while ushering in a new age of peace and… More »
Okay, that headline might seem like sensationalistic click-bait, but I honestly don’t know how else you read this Selena Gomez quote without getting the impression that Taylor Swift wants to passionately tongue her vagina in a Brooklyn brownstone while Karlie Kloss watches from a window, her jealously steaming in the nighttime rain. E! News reports:… More »
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wait, she’s actually serious, isn’t she? Us Weekly reports:
“No one has ever said anything bad about me before, so I’m shocked and devastated,” Paltrow said sarcastically. “I’ll try to recover,” she added.
“If I’m really honest, I’m so psyched that she sees us as competition. I’m so psyched. More »
Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher’s baby has barely been alive for three days and already they’re not so subtly bitching about the paparazzi while revealing their daughter’s name. People reports:
“Mila and I would like to welcome Wyatt Isabelle Kutcher to the world. May your life be filled with wonder, love, laughter, health,… More »