Red Carpet

WTF Is Conscious Uncoupling?

By: The Superficial / March 26, 2014

Yesterday, Gywneth Paltrow and Chris Martin shocked absolutely no one by announcing they’re separating. Except separating is a plebeian word beneath one of Madame GOOP’s station, so they’re calling it “conscious uncoupling” and providing reading material from new age therapists so that we, the swine and downtrodden, may better understand the evolutionary nature of their… More »


Scarlett Johansson’s Breasts Are Getting Larger By The Minute

By: The Superficial / March 21, 2014

Remember the other day when Scarlett Johansson defended Woody Allen?

Yeah, me neither. *slaps face against monitor* (Hold my calls.)

Photos: Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENNMore »


Lena Dunham Just Made The Most Sense About The Woody Allen Debacle

By: The Superficial / March 18, 2014

While Scarlett Johansson insured there’ll be an Oscar-worthy project down the road the for her by defending Woody Allen to The Guardian, Lena Dunham has made the most surprisingly profound remarks to Marc Maron about the alleged molestation of Dylan Farrow and how that should reflect on Woody Allen’s art. So while you read that,… More »


Mick Jagger’s Girlfriend Hung Herself

By: The Superficial / March 17, 2014

According to TMZ, Mick Jagger’s longtime girlfriend fashion designer L’Wren Scott was found hanging inside her apartment today. Even more surprising, police don’t suspect foul play despite the fact The Joker’s killed Mick Jagger’s girlfriend before. Remember when he stole Jerry Hall from Jack Palance and was all like, “Okay, so you’re an art thing,… More »


Scarlett Johansson Busted Out The Prego-Boobs

By: The Superficial / March 14, 2014

You can really tell Marvel’s been saying all the right words to Scarlett Johansson lately (Read: Solo Black Widow movie.) because here she is making with the prego-boobs at the Hollywood premiere of Captain America: The Winter Soldier last night after spending the day before not letting reporters ask about her pregnancy. And if you’re… More »


Good Morning, Hermione, And Other News

By: The Superficial / March 14, 2014

- Rooney Mara is your new Tiger Lily because why hire a real Native American? [Lainey Gossip]

- Michael Lohan’s baby mama got busted for DUI. Of course. [Dlisted]

- Things That Bounce Thursday is the GIF compilation you need. [theCHIVE]

– Here’s a chick puking on Lady GaGa’… More »


IT’S VERONICA MARS’ PANTIES!!!

By: The Superficial / March 13, 2014

Kristen Bell might be a shrill, over-entitled celebrity who equates paparazzi photos with child rape (which, fuck you, Jezebel, is the exact definition of hysterical), but here she is flashing her nude panties at the premiere of something or rather which will generate me a profitable amount of Internet clicks so I can spout off… More »


Teresa Giudice Told Her Kids She’s Going To Jail While Filming ‘Real Housewives’

By: The Superficial / March 6, 2014

Reality television is a shithole inhabited by shitheads doing shitty things for shitty people to watch, so it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that Real Housewives of New Jersey star Teresa Giudice decided to exploit the most traumatic moment in her children’s lives so she has a better storyline than Carmella Meatball Buttafuoco Spaghetti. More »


Kanye West Wants Kim Kardashian To Stop Being An International Hooker

By: The Superficial / March 5, 2014

“Now that my lovely assistant Betsy Bovine has gathered you all here, let’s kill The Bat! Wack! WACK-WACK-WACK-WACK!”

Last week, Kim Kardashian accepted $500,000 of Richard Lugner’s money to be his date to Vienna’s annual Opera Ball because her mother raised her to be a prostitute, and I can’t believe I had to… More »


An Open Letter From Justin #BBare To Drake On The Subject of Dat Ass

By: The Superficial / March 4, 2014

Dearest Drake (ak-47-a Wheelchair Jimmy),

It has come to the attention of I, Justin Felonius B-Bare, Canada’s One and Only Darkest Son, that you have been making references to da ass of one Selena Gomez who I, not even 24 hours ago, called a most elegant princess dampenin’ dem panties beyond composition. More »


Scarlett Johansson’s Pregnant (For Real This Time)

By: The Superficial / March 4, 2014

For those of you wondering why the hell Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive would resort to shilling sugar water for a company that operates a factory in a contested hotbed of religious infighting, it turns out Scarlett Johansson is five months pregnant, and this time isn’t the work of angles and weird shirts. Or so RomaineMore »


No Miranda Kerrs Left Behind And Other News

By: The Superficial / March 4, 2014

- Charlize Theron and Sean Penn are doing red carpets now. [Lainey Gossip]

- Reese Witherspoon is a powerful (pregnant) wizard. [Dlisted]

- Things Are Getting Awfully Squishy Around Here [theCHIVE]

- Kristin Davis is sorry about Sex and The City. [Fishwrapper]

- Lupita Nyong’o photobombed the… More »


Justin #Bbare: World’s Most Elephant Shakesbeard

By: The Superficial / March 3, 2014

‘Fore we even get started up here, let the platinum records show that my boy B-Bare is the stone cold, numba one pussy slayer. Bitches be gettin’ wet just thinkin’ ’bout him, and he be wettin’ them bitches just thinkin’ ’bout them. It’s a wizardry y’all don’t know nothin’ bout which is why it’s a… More »


Christina Hendricks Can’t Get A Breast Reduction
I WILL BLOT OUT THE SUN!

By: The Superficial / March 3, 2014

Here’s Christina Hendricks looking noticeably less chesty at Elton John’s Oscar party which means she either got a breast reduction or we have no fucking clue how female undergarments work. (I didn’t believe that last one either. *resumes trying to unhook bra from mannequin* C’mon…) The important thing is nobody made any rash decisions and… More »


The 86th Annual Academy Awards

By: The Superficial / March 3, 2014

I pretty much made my feelings on the Oscars known last night – Although, kudos to Rust Cohle for his work as an undercover AIDS patient. – so here are the best red carpet pics Photo Boy could find while I sat in the corner making beer can men and mumbling how we’ll do thi… More »


Angelina Jolie’s New Boobs Have Powerful Nipples

By: The Superficial / March 3, 2014

By the end of February, even Hollywood’s sick of awards show, so here’s The 2014 Independent Film Spirit Awards which happens every year the night before the Oscars. I don’t know what exactly separates the two events, but I do know that Angelina Jolie showed up with her new boobs and Krysten Ritter and PaulaMore »


What’s That ‘Service’ Where A Dude Pays A Chick To ‘Escort’ Him? Don’t Tell Me, It’s Right On The Tip Of My Tongue.

By: Photo Boy / February 28, 2014

“I’m so sorry sir, this one seems to be malfunctioning. Don’t worry, we’re always prepared. KYLIEEEEEE!!”

Posted by Photo Boy

I know, it’s two Kardashian posts in a row, but when Kim gets paid half a million dollars by a creepy old dude like Richard Lugner and claims it’s just for… More »


Katy Perry Dumped John Mayer

By: The Superficial / February 26, 2014

“AAAAAHHHHHHHH.”
“Yeah, we’re still not getting married.”

Over the past few weeks, there’s been rumor after rumor about Katy Perry getting engaged to John Mayer except now E! News is reporting she dumped his ass which I’m sure had nothing to do with a press campaign to box him into proposing. Guy… More »


Lili Simmons Is Your New Naked Chick From ‘True Detective’

By: The Superficial / February 25, 2014

True Detective is the goddamn highlight of my week, and probably the greatest written, acted, and directed season of television that any of us will ever see. Which is why I hate to reduce it to just another show where hot chicks get naked, but I’d also hate to not have clicks on my titty… More »


Robin Thicke & Paula Patton Are Separating, I Can’t Imagine Why

By: The Superficial / February 25, 2014

Yesterday, Robin Thicke and Paula Patton announced they’re separating which seems odd for a couple in a totally “chill” open marriage because it’s not like that’s a concept entirely based on at least one person being tired of fucking the other. It has all the elements for success. People reports:

“We will alway… More »


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