Red Carpet

Miley Cyrus’ Date To The VMAs Isn’t Exactly Homeless

The Superficial | August 26, 2014 - 3:03 pm

Most people consider homeless to mean poor, destitute, no place to turn to. So when Miley Cyrus brought a “homeless” date to the VMAs, it was just assumed that she picked this poor guy up off the streets where poverty had left him. Turns out he’s a struggling model whose mom says he can come… More »

The 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards

The Superficial | August 26, 2014 - 11:11 am

Here’s the rest of The 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards where my comprehensive reporting will tell you Breaking Bad won fucking everything except for that one award for True Detective and Benedict Cumberbatch winning for Sherlock which slightly makes up for Rust Cohle losing to Walter White. More importantly, Laura Prepon demonstrated the misogynistic side… More »

Christina Hendricks Brought Her Monster Breasts #Emmys

The Superficial | August 26, 2014 - 10:17 am

As small children, most of us dreamed about Ronald McDonald having really huge tits. I’m talking so huge you don’t even know how he’s carrying them around, and maybe Grimace should talk to him about steroids. So now that I’ve explained how Christina Hendricks is so popular, here’s her breasts at the Emmys last night… More »

Hayden Panettiere Brought Her Monster Fetus #Emmys

The Superficial | August 26, 2014 - 9:46 am

Here’s a pregnant as fuck Hayden Panettiere at the Emmys last night where it was a goddamn miracle her unborn daughter didn’t burst out of her chest and terrorize Sigourney Weaver. Which isn’t so much a joke about the giant’s fetus inside of her (a justifiable curse for stealing his magic beans) as much it’s… More »

The Rest of The Goddamn #VMAs

The Superficial | August 25, 2014 - 1:35 pm

Because our server is like the TARDIS if the TARDIS had Down syndrome, we’re falling apart at the seams over here, so here’s the rest of The 2014 VMAs before the whole thing explodes. And if you’re wondering why I’m not posting about Beyonce’s feminist tour de force or Miley Cyrus using all of her… More »

The Kardashians Checked Their Phones During The Ferguson Moment of Silence #VMAs

The Superficial | August 25, 2014 - 12:34 pm

During last night’s VMAs, Common held a moment of silence for Ferguson which the Kardashians felt was the appropriate time to check their phones (above) because someone might have tweeted about Kim’s dress, you guys. Yes, they understand that black teens are being disproportionately shot and killed by police for minor offenses thus depriving them… More »

Child Hookers? Why Not? #VMAs

The Superficial | August 25, 2014 - 11:13 am

The media would have you believe this is singer/actress Ariana Grande, but really it’s a sophisticated Pre-Crime tool used to weed out future pedophiles before they strike by prompting an easily collected database of Internet commenters who want to have sex with its butt. I’m just doing my part to protect the children even though… More »

Katy Perry’s Breasts Were There #VMAs

The Superficial | August 25, 2014 - 10:38 am

Outside of her recent trip to a Kansas water park (Warning: Contains breasts GIFs. And you’re gone.), Katy Perry’s breasts have been elusive creatures because she’s an artiste now. Except here they are at last night’s VMAs where she brought Riff Raff as her date even though I could’ve sworn she was banging Duplo? Diplo? More »

Let’s Start With Taylor Swift’s Ass Cheeks #VMAs

The Superficial | August 25, 2014 - 9:54 am

Somewhere between making Diet Coke commercials and getting a dog with Karlie Kloss, Taylor Swift realized she has the body of a Victoria’s Secret model complete with 9,000 mile long legs. So here she is at last night’s VMAs showing off more ass and vulv than Miley Cyrus because we live in a Bizarro World… More »

And Now Time For Tara Reid Or Kate Gosselin Melting Under A Heat Lamp?

The Superficial | August 22, 2014 - 2:23 pm

Now I know what you’re thinking, there aren’t 25 Asian kids running around, so clearly it’s Tara Reid. Except you’re forgetting one important piece of information: Kate Gosselin hates her children and will do everything in her power to never be around them. Why do you think her house is 80% crawlspaces? The woman’s a… More »

Demi Moore Gave Rumer Willis A Gun Cake

The Superficial | August 18, 2014 - 12:43 pm

Apparently, everyone’s supposed to lose their shit over Demi Moore giving Rumer Willis a gun cake for her 26th birthday even though it’s supposedly a callback to her photo shoot with Tyler Shields. I’m a wiener-bitch liberal when it comes to guns, and even I don’t see the problem here. Not to mention, Demi’s one… More »

Jennifer Lawrence Is Banging Chris Martin, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Chris Martin

The Superficial | August 15, 2014 - 6:27 pm

“Who’s gettin’ GOOPed now, bitch? WHA?”
Gwyneth Paltrow is a wound tight, meticulous of curator macrobiotic living filtered through a sexy, breezy pashmina that only costs $25,000, so any single, working mom can afford it. Jennifer Lawrence… well, Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t give a fuck. She’ll fart, burp, make a demon face on the red carpet… More »

Carmen Electra’s Breasts Are A Happy Post

The Superficial | August 12, 2014 - 1:33 pm

The last few posts have been about suicide, child molestation and sexual assault, but since the night is always darkest just before the dawn, here are Carmen Electra’s breasts at The Expendables 3 premiere because I’ll never forsake you. Unless it’d be really funny then I won’t even hesitate. You’ll be like “Ah, shit!”
Photos:More »

The 2014 Teen Choice Awards

The Superficial | August 11, 2014 - 11:01 am

Someone just spotted Kim Kardashian.
I’ve grown old enough where I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a teenager and now hate them for their youthful vigor and freedom to make stupid choices with abandon. Case in point: I once drove an hour to the nearest Best Buy to buy Limp Bizkit’s Significant Other. A… More »

Guys, I’m Pretty Sure Megan Fox Wants To Bang Shia LaBeouf Again

The Superficial | August 8, 2014 - 11:14 am

Earlier in the week, Megan Fox made it a point to let the world know she’s not having sex with Brian Austin Green. On top of that, she made a passive aggressive jab that he wants more kids because “he doesn’t have to do any of the work” and then followed that up by naming… More »

Megan Fox Tells Moviegoers To ‘F*ck Off’

The Superficial | August 4, 2014 - 12:35 pm

Back in her Transformers heyday, Megan Fox had a small problem with opening her mouth and letting words come out of it. Words like “Hitler” and, well, basically any thought in her head. But, now that she’s humbled herself and crawled back to Michael Bay, she’s been a tame, cooperative actress who isn’t already openly… More »

Megan Fox Isn’t George Zimmerman

The Superficial | July 30, 2014 - 2:45 pm

Because you don’t come to this site to read about how small your dick is for cowering like a pussy behind guns, here’s Megan Fox at the Mexico City premiere of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where I’ll assume the promotional poster featured the Turtles chopping off the heads of their enemies. Or they’re just… More »

How Hot Did Selena Gomez Look While Justin Bieber Got Punched In The Face?

The Superficial | July 30, 2014 - 12:33 pm

Chipmunk hooker hot? I’m going with chipmunk hooker hot.
Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Ivon Miguel/AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News, Splash NewsMore »

Beyonce’s Moving Out

The Superficial | July 29, 2014 - 11:32 am

Yesterday, we found out that Jay Z cheated on Beyonce with Rihanna which was also the reason for Solange’s elevator attack if we’re all going to start believing lizard people talking points now. Why make them go through the trouble of secretly putting mind control in our water? That’s my motto. Anyway, now comes word… More »

Comic-Con: ‘Avengers: Age of Ultron,’ And Oh Yeah, ‘Ant-Man,’ I Guess

The Superficial | July 28, 2014 - 11:42 am

Considering they have no less than 20 movies coming out at a time, Marvel gets the prime time-slot in Comic-Con’s Hall H where this year they wheeled out the entire cast of The Avengers: Age of Ultron – minus pregnant ScarJo – after an awkwardly brief Ant-Man panel. And if you’re wondering how to tell… More »

Page 13 of 60