Red Carpet

Taylor Swift’s Trying To Bang Selena Gomez!

The Superficial | October 8, 2014 - 1:15 pm

Okay, that headline might seem like sensationalistic click-bait, but I honestly don’t know how else you read this Selena Gomez quote without getting the impression that Taylor Swift wants to passionately tongue her vagina in a Brooklyn brownstone while Karlie Kloss watches from a window, her jealously steaming in the nighttime rain. E! News reports:… More »

Gwyneth Paltrow: ‘Martha Stewart Sees Me As Competition’

The Superficial | October 8, 2014 - 12:35 pm

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wait, she’s actually serious, isn’t she? Us Weekly reports:

“No one has ever said anything bad about me before, so I’m shocked and devastated,” Paltrow said sarcastically. “I’ll try to recover,” she added.
“If I’m really honest, I’m so psyched that she sees us as competition. I’m so psyched. More »

Jessica Lange Snubbing Lea Michele Wants To Help

The Superficial | October 7, 2014 - 3:17 pm

It’s been a depressing day full of unmentionable evil (Those links are right.), so here’s Jessica Lange snubbing Lea Michele at the American Horror Story: Freak Show premiere because sometimes this world can open itself up to you and not be a complete shitpot. Although very rarely, and it’s still best to assume there’s a… More »

Jennifer Garner Has To Be Loving Life

The Superficial | October 7, 2014 - 1:49 pm

Ben Affleck is the star of the critically-acclaimed, #1 movie at the box office that let him work closely with Emily Ratajkowski’s naked breasts. He’s also Batman. Jennifer Garner, on the other hand, is the star of Alexander and The Fuck You I’m Not Typing All That, a Disney movie she premiered last night while… More »

Robert Downey Jr. Will Make ‘Iron Man 4′ If Mel Gibson Directs

The Superficial | October 6, 2014 - 2:12 pm

“That’s some sturdy looking Jew metal.”
“Hahahaha, what?”

Marvel needs Robert Downey Jr. way more than Robert Downey Jr. needs Marvel, and once his contract was up with Iron Man 3, they paid out the dick to keep him for Avengers 2 and 3. And rightly so. Except now he’s testing them… More »

Blake Lively Is Pregnant

The Superficial | October 6, 2014 - 9:54 am

First Hilary Duff had a kid then Mila Kunis, and now Blake Lively’s pregnant, but let’s all freak about Ebola instead of the real disease spreading right before our eyes. Anyway, this is why Kelly Brook’s the perfect woman. Not only does she have huge, giant breasts, but she’s prone to mis- *gets tackled byMore »

Lindsay & The Amazing Technicolor Dream Nipple

The Superficial | October 3, 2014 - 2:29 pm

Here’s Lindsay Lohan at the after-party for the opening night of “Speed-the-Plow” where she managed to only forget one line and was deemed “competent without being exciting.” Which is pretty fucking amazing for Lindsay Lohan considering not a single review contained the words, “And then she tried to blow everyone.” However, she did wear a… More »

Kate Winslet Never ‘Snogged’ Leonardo DiCaprio

The Superficial | October 3, 2014 - 12:41 pm

Kate Winslet was younger than 23 when she filmed Titanic, so based on everything we know about this world, Leonardo DiCaprio was required to have sex with her by law. But so far this week we’ve seen George Clooney get married and Mila Kunis birth Ashton Kutcher’s baby, so somebody’s traveling through time and fucking… More »

Mila Kunis & Ashton Kutcher Are Already Being Assholes About Their Kid

The Superficial | October 3, 2014 - 10:16 am

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher’s baby has barely been alive for three days and already they’re not so subtly bitching about the paparazzi while revealing their daughter’s name. People reports:

“Mila and I would like to welcome Wyatt Isabelle Kutcher to the world. May your life be filled with wonder, love, laughter, health,… More »

Justin Bieber Ditched Selena Gomez For The Kardashians

The Superficial | October 1, 2014 - 2:33 pm

So here’s how Selena Gomez’s trip to Paris Fashion Week went:

1. Before, or as soon as, she got there, Justin Bieber checked into a hotel with Kendall Jenner.
2. When she showed up to the same show as him later, he spent the entire time with the Kardashians.
And 3. More »

Ben Affleck’s Penis Is In A Movie

The Superficial | October 1, 2014 - 10:23 am

Ben Affleck can’t do a single interview without being asked about Batman, but somehow he managed to crack the Internet’s secret code and started talking about his dick which is like dangling a set of keys in front of us. I don’t even know where I am anymore that’s how distracted how I am. Whose… More »

Emily Ratajkowski & Reese Witherspoon In Red

The Superficial | September 29, 2014 - 1:00 pm

You’re probably thinking it’s a dick move to put Reese Witherspoon in a gallery with Emily Ratajkowski, and that I’m only doing it to make another joke about her being pregnant. And you’re right, but before I make the voices stop, I’d like to take a second to compliment Reese for holding her own even… More »

Anna Kendrick & Cara Delevingne Are Your New Fappening

The Superficial | September 29, 2014 - 7:55 am

So it looks like we’re going to do this every weekend now because Anna Kendrick and Cara Delevingne are your latest celebrities to have nude photos leaked online by “hackers,” according to Gawker, who also reports a bunch of other people were in this batch except I have no idea who half of them are:… More »

The Emma Watson Nude Photo Threat Was A Bullshit Marketing Stunt

The Superficial | September 24, 2014 - 9:45 am

Over the past few days, the Internet lit up with a story that members of 4chan were allegedly threatening to release nude photos of Emma Watson in retaliation for her speech on feminism at the U.N. It even got my attention because if this shit is true (which it wasn’t), it’s pretty fucked up. And… More »

On Emma Watson And The Shitheads Threatening Her With The Fappening

The Superficial | September 23, 2014 - 1:09 pm

UPDATE: At midnight Wednesday ET, Rantic (which is apparently a fake marketing company) took credit for this viral stunt which was supposedly aimed to discredit and shutdown 4chan. I have no clue anymore.

Let me start out by defining my absolutely questionable relationship with The Fappening, so I look slightly less hypocritical here. More »

This Is Jennifer Lopez’s New Stage Outfit

The Superficial | September 22, 2014 - 1:53 pm

Jennifer Lopez has to compete with performers half her age, or in Ariana Grande’s case, ones that could be her (great) granddaughter. And to her credit, she’s already tackled the problem head on by making ass videos with Iggy Azalea. That’s ingenuity in it’s purest form. That said, here’s Jennifer Lopez performing in Singapore in… More »

Ariana Grande’s Life Coach Quit

The Superficial | September 22, 2014 - 10:48 am

Seen here performing at The iHeart Radio Music Festival over the weekend, Ariana Grande is looking more and more like an out-of-control diva who hopes her fans fucking die because now comes word that her life coach quit months ago after getting tired of her shit. Page Six reports:

We’re told that the… More »

The Other Models Are Mean To Kendall™, You Guys

The Superficial | September 18, 2014 - 1:32 pm

Kendall Jenner genuinely believes her modeling career is solely the result of “hard work,” and being like super pretty, but even models whose diets consist of a sprig of kale and heroin know it’s because someone who fell out of the same vagina as her got peed on in a sex tape. In Touch WeeklyMore »

Rihanna To CBS: ‘F*ck You For Pulling My Song’

The Superficial | September 16, 2014 - 10:43 am

In light of the Ray Rice incident, CBS decided to pull “Run This Town” from Thursday Night Football because Rihanna was the victim of domestic violence, so let’s make her feel ashamed to have her music broadcast before the sacred and holy communion of NFL football. Except now they want to play her song this… More »

Kanye Is A ‘Married, Christian Man,’ You Assholes

The Superficial | September 16, 2014 - 10:08 am

Kanye West has found himself in some shit after not once, but twice, demanding everyone at his shows stand up during his performance of “Good Life.” Which seems innocuous until you realize there were handicapped people in the audience who had to literally verify their disability before Kanye would go on. At one point, he… More »

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