Most Important People - Page 7

Emma Watson Is Woke As Hell

It sucks that Emma Watson was born in France, otherwise I’d put money on her being President in the 2030’s (if we make it that far). More »


Amber Heard Will Hopefully Recolonize A New Civilization With Elon Musk

Because I’m petty towards anyone who is super smart, I’m going to say that they’re only dating to create an attractive, super-baby genius and there are no feelings whatsoever… More »


Goldie Hawn Put Out on Her First Date With Kurt Russell

Back in 1983, way before you could send someone an eggplant emoji on Tinder, Goldie and Snake Plissken broke into a house and went to pound town. More »


¡Ay, caramba! Tyga Found Someone Who Looks Sort Of Like Kylie Jenner

A guy took these pictures from a bush that shows him hanging out with his ex-girlfriend’s body double and it’s soooo juiccyyyyy if you ignore the fact that a ton of white girls in LA look alike. More »


Jessica Simpson Flashes Her High Beams and More Link-Beef

Apparently impregnating strippers can lead to messy divorces, Caitlyn Jenner’s book is full of shit, Zoe Saldana celebrated Halloween early this year, and Mike Pence weighs in on Jessica Simpson’s massive bazoombas… … More »


Holly Graves And Rachel Vallori Are Models Doing Model Things On A Beach

“Oy! You on the left! Gimmie more of a velociraptor with a head injury- yess… YESSS! YESS THAT’S IT, DARLING! THE CAMERA LOVES YOU!” More »


Rihanna Is Serial Killer-Chic And Carrying A Ferret

I got nothing but love for Ri, but she looks like she’s asking a ferret where E.T. is hiding. More »


Has Anyone Seen or Heard From The White House Bunny Since Sunday?

If anyone has any information on a giant, white bunny with drag queen makeup, Ben Franklin glasses, and a look on its face that says “I haven’t slept since ‘Nam” – please contact authorities. More »


People At Coachella Doing Everything But Watching Live Music

We’ve got Amber Rose chowing down tacos until she can’t button her pants, Leo DiCaprio being “uni-bomber-chic”, and one of the Jonas bros dressed like a snake buying a round of cold chuggers, bra! More »


Ben Affleck Is “Fackin Stoked” Jennifer Isn’t Taking His Favorite Patriots T Shirt In Divorce

“Ya, she got my Mo Vaughn batting gloves and a squirt bottle Tahm signed for me, but I’m keepin my fackin Pats tee, I don’t care what the lahyahs say.” More »


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