1. Jack Ketch

    That dress belongs on a six year-old … hideous.

  2. Buddy the Elf

    Her mom looks really old in this picture – trying to dress like a kid.

  3. “Yes, hi, I’d like a dress in a color that will make you squint to look at it, with patterns to make your eyes cross, cut awkwardly at the arms and neck, four inches too short, preferably a size too small. And I have lots of breasts, so be sure to ruffle that bad boy up so I can look extra-fat.”

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