1. learn to tie a goddamn tie! i guess that’s not one of the superpowers you get with scientology…sense hunger? check. find water? check. Tie a full windsor knot? nope…ask a boyscout.

  2. Every John Travolta headline should have the word Fancy in it somewhere.

  3. Double D

    Hey, don’t mock. That wig is made with genuine Xenu pubic hair, the finest toupe nutjobs can buy!

  4. Dave Mustaine

    And Chili Palmer!

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