“Hoth was, like, freezing y’all. I mean it was soooo cold, and this awful jacket was about the only thing I could wear when I was outdoors. But I did have this amazing experience, where I cut open a tauntaun with a crazy ole glow sword, and put my friend Luke in its stinky ole guts to keep him warm. And then I got naked and climbed in there with him to help keep him warm while we waited on the snow speeders to rescue us. It was, like, the greatest experience of my life y’all. I mean, I saved a life!”

I always knew Big Foot was gay.