Hot Bodies

Good Morning, Colleen Shannon, And Other News

By: The Superficial / October 21, 2014
- I have yet to hear one bad thing about Birdman. [Lainey Gossip] - Bethenny Frankel's mom seems nice. [Dlisted] - Jenna Handed To You On A Silver Platter [theCHIVE] - Sean Hannity invited Russell Brand onto his show, then had security kick him out. [Fishwrapper] -… More »

And Now Back To Celebrities: What Are They Doing With Their Vaginas?

By: The Superficial / October 20, 2014
After the depressing one-two punch (poor choice of words) of Stephen Collins getting off (and I did it again) scot-free and Ray Rice being reinstated next month, I thought we could use some lighter fare. So here's Miley Cyrus doing wacky stuff with her vulva because she'… More »

Jennifer Lopez Still Makes Videos With Fat Joe

By: The Superficial / October 20, 2014
For the rest of her natural life, Jennifer Lopez will never make a video that's better than "Booty." These are facts. However, that still won't stop me from posting the new video for Fat Joe's "Stressin" because there's nothing more with the times than tone-deaf rap videos where rich… More »

Kim Kardashian’s Endorsement Demands Are As Ridiculous As Her Ass

By: The Superficial / October 20, 2014
Most, if not all, of Kim Kardashian's services can be purchased through Kris Jenner. And if you think that's an exaggeration, here's Kim accepting an Austrian businessman's money to be his date to the 2014 Opera Ball in Vienna while engaged to Kanye West. In fact, I… More »

Good Morning, Vivica Mitra, And Other News

By: The Superficial / October 20, 2014
- Chris Martin apparently gets the Beckhams in the divorce. [Lainey Gossip] - Pregnant Blake Lively is craving the most Blake Lively foods. [Dlisted] - Mariah Carey is going to put us at war with China. [Fishwrapper] - She's Got Legs For Days [theCHIVE] - This I… More »

This Is A Post About Iggy Azalea’s Camel Toe

By: The Superficial / October 17, 2014
My last post dealt with such topics as the Antebellum South and rampant plagiarism in Internet journalism, so here's Iggy Azaela wearing tight booty shorts that show the outline of her vagina which involves none of that stuff unless her vagina somehow owned slaves. Which for the… More »

Blake Lively’s Website Loves Slaveowners, Plagiarism

By: The Superficial / October 17, 2014
While Martha Stewart has declared all-out war on Gwyneth Paltrow, pretentious, young upstart Blake Lively is successfully torpedoing herself by publishing articles about the Antebellum South that would give Paula Deen a butter boner and then threatening to sue Gawker for epically calling… More »

Charlie Sheen Has Decided Not To Marry A Porn Star

By: The Superficial / October 17, 2014
The last time I posted about Charlie Sheen he'd "allegedly" tried to stab a dentist with a knife (and maybe grabbed a hygienist's breasts), but clearly he's sobered up since then because he finally realized you're not supposed to marry porn stars. Pay them for sex essentially… More »

Good Morning, Cynthia Escobar, And Other News

By: The Superficial / October 17, 2014
- Jamie Dornan does British Vogue. [Lainey Gossip] - Glenn Close apparently grew up in a cult. [Dlisted] - The End Zone: Professional Football Mascots, Ranked [The Frisky] - Dane Cook is still a douche. [Fishwrapper] - Have I mentioned I fucking love this Tumblr? I fucking… More »

Britney Spears Looks Normal, Aware of Her Surroundings. IT’S A TRAP!

By: The Superficial / October 16, 2014
Normally this is the part where I'd write an eerily accurate children's story about Britney Spears' dad exploiting her through the use of ice cream and tranquilizers, except Jesus Christ, she not only looks great but self-aware. If you asked her what day it is, she'd probably know it'… More »

And Now Back To Kesha Said, Dr. Luke Said

By: The Superficial / October 16, 2014
I'm going to start myself off in a hole here, and see how far I can climb myself out or dig myself even deeper as I do. Kesha's stint in rehab for an "eating disorder" has always seemed sketchy as shit. Especially when her mom checked in with her… More »

Selena Gomez Walks Around Her House Naked

By: The Superficial / October 16, 2014
After every awful post about child predators, or in this case the authors who defend them, I like to try and bring eveybody back to a happy place. So here's Selena Gomez telling Ellen she likes to walk naked around her new, Justi… More »

Abigail Ratchford In A Bikini And Other News

By: The Superficial / October 16, 2014
- Ezra Miller is your movie Flash because apparently TV Flash wasn't enough. [Lainey Gossip] - Evan Rachel Wood has a new girlfriend. [Dlisted] - Thursday. Redheads. Victory. [theCHIVE] - Ready your Cumberboner, Sherlock will talk about experimenting with boys now. [Fishwrapper] - Just a reminder: Kanye… More »

And Now Back To BEWBS (Specifically Courtney Stodden And Mozart Ones)

By: The Superficial / October 15, 2014
For the sake of this post, let's pretend I have two types of readers because broad generalizations are fun and easy. There are the thinkers and the boob lookers, and like any good parent, I love both of you equally. (To your face. Privately? I've plotted one of your deaths. Again, like a good parent.)… More »

BREAKING: Amber Rose Has A Butt

By: The Superficial / October 15, 2014
I've been at this job for seven years now, so I really shouldn't be surprised when the most ridiculous shit possible ends up turning into a huge Internet story, and yet here's Amber Rose's butt which apparently no one in entertainment media has seen until now. It's not like that thing… More »

Frenchy Is Subtle And Other News

By: The Superficial / October 15, 2014
- Blake Lively's hipster baby shower will sell you $52 onesies now. [Lainey Gossip] - Taylor Swift's new single is a Victoria's Secret queef mixed with Tears For Fears or something. [Dlisted] - Stretching Deep For Hump Day [theCHIVE] - Reese Witherspoon is just complex now, y'all. [… More »

Bertney Gets Serxy

By: The Superficial / October 14, 2014
Bertney Learns To Be Serxy A "Your Changing Body And You" Reader Bertney loved going to the gym. She loved it because Papa stayed home, and she could eat whole bunches of funny tasting candy bars from the snack machine. The gym also had milkshakes, but Bertney didn't drink them anymore because they tasted like… More »

Kesha Sues Dr. Luke For Sexual Assault

By: The Superficial / October 14, 2014
Kesha looks unfortunate in swimsuits - Bear with me! - but that doesn't mean she, or any woman, should ever be the victim of the shit she's suing her producer Dr. Luke for allegedly doing. TMZ reports: According to a new lawsuit -- obtained by TMZ -- Kesha claim… More »

Miley Cyrus Is Topless

By: The Superficial / October 14, 2014
Considering I could draw Miley Cyrus' labia with my eyes shut because I've seen it so much - *closes eyes, doodles penguin with a top hat* NAILED IT. - it really shouldn't be that big of a thrill that she's wearing tiny shorts and topless on her hotel balcony in Sydney. More »

Good Morning, Michelle Lewin, And Other News

By: The Superficial / October 14, 2014
- There's a woman with George Clooney's last name out there. THE END IS NIGH. [Lainey Gossip] - Iggy Azalea is attacking the paparazzi with shopping carts now. [Dlisted] - Girls With Future Lower Back Problems [theCHIVE] - Goddammit, Mariah Carey, put that shit away. [Fishwrapper] -… More »

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