Hot Bodies

Good Morning, Laura Cremaschi, And Other News

By: The Superficial / January 8, 2015
- THE CUMBERBABY IS OFFICIAL. Ready the Tumblrs! [Lainey Gossip] - Jessica Chastain basically tells Russell Crowe to eat a dick. [Fishwrapper] - John Travolta is Robert Shapiro in that miniseries thing about O.J. Simpson. [Dlisted] - Feminists made priests molest children? That's your excuse? [The Frisky]… More »

Ela Rose In A Bikini Wants To Hear About Your Day

By: The Superficial / January 7, 2015
Welcome to Day 3 of our The Crap We Missed-less existence, and I'm not about to bore you to death with the details of our photo contract negotiations when there are still boobs to look at on the Internet and this shit might take a while. That said, I'm pretty sure I broke… More »

Rose McGowan Is Topless

By: The Superficial / January 7, 2015
Here's Rose McGowan posing topless on Facebook yesterday except unlike Chelsea Handler and Miley Cyrus, she's not doing it to #FreeTheNipple, but for these other stupid hashtags that I don't understand: #‎NOWNESS #‎art #‎beauty WE ARE ALL STILL LIVES #‎marlenemarino She also used a boombox emoticon which is either… More »

Aw, Shit, It’s #BBare In His #CKs (#DatBulgeTho)

By: The Superficial / January 7, 2015
It's been a New Jack City minute since we checked in on my boy #BBare as in ladies be gettin' bare for my boy Justin #BBare, Blackest Son of Krypton. But mostly Canada. Anyway, here's da smoofest mothafucka dis side of Smooftown gettin' down to his drawers for Calvin & Hobbes because ain't… More »

Good Morning, Caitlin O’Connor, And Other News

By: The Superficial / January 7, 2015
- Scarlett Johansson is doing the live-action Ghost In The Shell now. [Lainey Gossip] - Dear Tara Reid, every phone in America has an HD camera now. You're not fooling anybody. [Fishwrapper] - Here's Jamie Dornan talking about his dick. [Dlisted] - Princeton Mom thinks child molestation is just… More »

Gather ‘Round Michelle Lewin’s Butt, Children

By: The Superficial / January 6, 2015
First off, huge thanks to all you thoughtful bastards for the ideas to keep The Crap We Missed alive yesterday. We're definitely weighing our options, but in the meantime, you may have noticed Photo Boy man-handled all the writing today, and that's because I just found out yesterday we're getting a… More »

Charlie Sheen Unloads On Kim Kardashian’s Butt

By: Photo Boy / January 6, 2015
Posted by Photo Boy I honestly don't even want to know what type of SEO that headline satisfies. Charlie Sheen is an insane person and Kim Kardashian is a humanoid ass creature from the planet Whoranus, so they're inexorably bound to seek and destroy one another. The battleground: Twitter. The weapons:… More »

Katy Perry’s Banging John Mayer Again

By: Photo Boy / January 6, 2015
Posted by Photo Boy Knowing exactly how to kick a year in its balls while it's down, Katy Perry's letting the Prince of Douche touch her huge boobs again, because everything is bad. IT'S ALL RUINED! *slaps Fish's tray to floor, runs out of cafeteria* Via Daily Mail: Apparently aware of keeping… More »

Cameron Diaz And Benji Madden Got Married

By: Photo Boy / January 6, 2015
Posted by Photo Boy When you're 42 and the last time anyone though you were hot was also the last time anyone thought Jim Carrey was funny, marrying Benji Madden might not seem like you just made the exact same momentous life decision as Nicole Richie, but that's exactly… More »

Blake Lively Gave Birth

By: Photo Boy / January 6, 2015
"You're gonna be skinny again now, right baby?" "You're gonna make a movie that doesn't tank now, right baby?" Posted by Photo Boy I'll admit I've never been as preoccupied with Blake Lively as Fish so terrifyingly is, but she shat out Ryan Reynolds' kid over the holidays and I… More »

Good Morning, Hannah Nicole, And Other News

By: The Superficial / January 6, 2015
- Kristen Stewart is probably a lesbian now. No really. [Lainey Gossip] - Farrah Abraham's dating married dudes now. [Fishwrapper] - Bradley Cooper's nipples are high art now. [Dlisted] - Wait, #GamerGate is still happening? Jesus Christ. [The Frisky] - Raffaella Modugno in a bikini [… More »

A Word On The Crap We Missed

By: The Superficial / January 5, 2015
Alright, team, take a knee. 2014 was an awesome year. We had over two million more of you visit the site than in 2013, and I'll never regret sleeping with that floating skull to make that happen. Except our success required purchasing photos that returned their investment, and then some, so naturally someone had the… More »

Tara Reid Poses Nude On Instagram, Gets Accused of Using Photoshop

By: The Superficial / January 5, 2015
While it seemed like 2015 was starting out with so much hope and promise, here's Tara Reid posing nude on Instagram, so clearly we're all about to be baptized in fire as the screams of our lamentations pierce the sky. It was a good run. But until then, here'… More »

Ariana Grande’s Not Single

By: Photo Boy / January 5, 2015
Posted by Photo Boy Ariana Grande is a diaper diva who literally makes people carry her around like a baby, which should make her repulsive, but she also has the body and face of a child attached to a legally intercoursable vagina, so the Internet can't get enough of her. That'… More »

Good Morning, Ana Braga, And Other News

By: The Superficial / January 5, 2015
- Gwyneth Paltrow will apparently milk this conscious uncoupling horseshit until the end of time. [Lainey Gossip] - Jennifer Aniston is finally healed after her divorce from Brad Pitt. -- OR IS SHE?!! [Fishwrapper] - Ladies and nerds, we've got Cumberbaby. Probably. [Dlisted] - Macklemore's having a baby, too,… More »

Kendall Jenner In A Bikini & Maitland Ward: The Crap We Missed

By: The Superficial / January 2, 2015
Alright, folks, it's the Friday after New Year's Day, and not even the school system is trying to pretend it still isn't the holidays. (Case in point: This is a post on Gawker right now. Why?) So here's Kendall Jenner proving, okay, maybe she does have the body to be a… More »

Jamie Lynn Spears Pulled A Knife At A Louisiana Pita Shop Fight

By: The Superficial / January 2, 2015
If you thought Dustin Diamond is the only pseudo-celebrity whose go-to move is to start stabbing whenever a fight breaks out, Jamie Lynn Spears pulled a knife during a fight at a Louisiana pita shop because apparently that's what happens when you introduce foreign food to the south. Especially the terrorist… More »

Selena Gomez Showed Her Ankle In A Mosque

By: Photo Boy / January 2, 2015
Posted by Photo Boy Because religion is perfectly grounded in logic and reason, one of the rules of mosque etiquette is that a woman's skin should be covered at all times. Allah hates lady skin. I mean sure, He created it out of nothingness to serve as a biological barrier against the airborne diseases He… More »

Alice Eve Got Married, I Hate This Year Already

By: The Superficial / January 2, 2015
Because The Lord did look down upon 2015 and declared to the heavenly host, "I shall fucketh this shit all up," Alice Eve got married on New Year's Eve, and it wasn't to one of us. I would've remembered something like that. Her? Probably not so much. Women call me "The Ghost" i… More »

Hilaria Baldwin’s Pregnant Again

By: Photo Boy / January 2, 2015
Posted by Photo Boy Alec Baldwin has a well-documented history of patience and tolerance for all living things. Combine those qualities with his readiness to violently protect his bike if you're a photographer and your arm touches it his family and you've got solid dad material. Granted, the… More »

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