Why ‘Suspending’ Phil Robertson From Duck Dynasty Was A Brilliant, Cynical PR Move

December 19th, 2013 // 170 Comments
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If you’ve logged onto Facebook at some point in the past 12 hours, you’ve probably seen a family member or high school classmate going apeshit that Obama cancelled freedom of speech and personally fired Phil Robertson from Duck Dynasty for his anti-gay comments to GQ. Except what really happened is that A&E “suspended” Phil from the show – for a while – which will still be filmed by the rest of the family who apparently don’t have a problem going along with any of this which should’ve been the first red flag to all the Duck Dynasty fans currently being played like a harp from hell. And the next one should’ve been the immediate media firestorm from making Phil a martyr which naturally happened. His popularity among his fanbase couldn’t be higher if she shot a black kid which is one of the benefits of having a target demographic of oblivious zealots who have no fucking clue how freedom of speech works or when their puppet strings are being brilliantly pulled. Case in point:

On that note, let me address some of the pure moron gems coughed up since this whole debacle started:

“WHATEVER HAPPENED TO FREEDOM OF SPEECH?!”

I can’t count how many times I’ve explained this, but I’m going to keep doing it. Was Phil Robertson put in jail or fined by the government? Then his freedom of speech is fully intact. That said, should A&E actually be suspending him for his comments that in no way shape, or form should’ve surprised them, it’s in his contract that they can. A&E is Phil’s private employer, and at some point during negotiations for the show, his lawyers were given a contract that included a clause saying A&E can terminate him at any point if he does anything that negatively affects the network or Duck Dynasty. That is standard, perfectly constitutional procedure, and something Phil agreed to in exchange for $200,000 an episode. And if he suddenly doesn’t agree with those conditions, then he’s a sinner who gave false testimony.

On the other side of that coin, freedom of speech does not mean freedom of criticism. Phil Robertson fully exercised his constitutional right by equating homosexuals with terrorists, and then everyone else fully exercised theirs by going, “Holy shit, that’s fucking ridiculous.” So many depressing times I see conservatives and/or Christians honestly believing that freedom of speech is a magical shield that shuts down everyone else’s constitutional right to disagreement. Learn how the most basic of amendments works before opening your face. That’s not asking a lot.

“Since when did it become okay to persecute Christians?”

Owning someone like property is persecution.
Hanging someone for the color of their skin is persecution.
Using the full weight of the law to beat and attack someone with a firehose is persecution.
Firing, or not hiring, someone for the color of their skin, gender or sexual orientation is persecution.
Telling someone who they cannot speak to, share a bathroom with, date, or marry is persecution.

Having someone disagree with you on the Internet is fucking words on a screen. Christians are still the majority religion in America and still influencing every single level of state, local and federal government. No one’s trying to make laws that throw you in jail for what you do in your bedroom, or denying your partner health benefits or the simple right to visit you in the hospital. Your shit is golden.

“He just gave an honest answer to a question!”

If you actually read the article, at no point did Drew Magary go, “Hey, Phil, what do you think about homosexuals?” Phil Robertson organically broached the subject himself, as he’s clearly done hundreds of times before, in the context of, “Let me tell you what’s wrong with America,” which turned out to be gays having sex with a man’s anus instead of a vagina. It didn’t take any poking or prodding or “gotcha” questions. It was his go-to example for sin destroying America. And if you know anyone like Phil, or who watches this show, this shouldn’t be all that shocking of a turn of events because I guarantee we’ve all been in a situation where a Christian has said, “I’ll tell you where it’s going wrong. Too many gays on TV.”

All that stuff said, let me say for the record that I’m not ruling out the possibility of the entire family bailing on the show, or A&E legitimately suspending Phil because he did make some other choice comments like this one:

So here’s where things get a bit uncomfortable. Phil calls himself a Bible-thumper, and holy shit, he thumps that Bible hard enough to ring the bell at a county-fair test of strength. If you watch Duck Dynasty, you can hear plenty of it in the nondenominational supper-table prayer the family recites at the end of every episode, and in the show’s no-cussing, no-blaspheming tone. But there are more things Phil would like to say—“controversial” things, as he puts it to me—that don’t make the cut. (This March, for instance, he told the Christian-oriented Sports Spectrum magazine that he didn’t approve of A&E editing out “in Jesus” from a family prayer scene, even though A&E says that the phrase has been uttered in at least seventeen episodes.)

And, oh I dunno, this one on pre-civil-rights Louisiana:

“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I’m with the blacks, because we’re white trash. We’re going across the field…. They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’—not a word!… Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.”

Then again, absolutely none of this should surprise A&E who’s filmed four seasons and has waded countless hours upon hours of footage from a man who doesn’t shut up about how this country is going to hell in a handbasket. More importantly, they know the audience will ladel that shit straight into their mouths and go on a buying frenzy at Walmart in “solidarity with Phil.” Because it’s not like A&E gets a cut of the merchandise profit. That’s liberal commie math. Your dollars go straight into Phil’s pockets, so he can preach the Good Word and show ‘Merica some real country livin’. It works exactly like that.

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  1. FattyFatty2X4

    Right before Christmas Fish, Jesus!

  2. Brian

    Mr. Phil has as much right to say what he believes as the Christianphobe writer of this jibberish.

    • Joe Benya

      And we have the right to laugh at his ignorant hillbilly nonsense.

      • Convex

        While you’re laughing at the ignorant hillbilly, be sure to also laugh at the ignorant writer of what is supposed to be a celebrity gossip blog, not a soapbox for his libtard agenda:

        The rights in the Constitution only put limits on the acts of GOVERNMENT and what it can do to people. A&E is not the government, and so the theory is that the Constitutional right to free speech isn’t applicable in this scenario.

        Fish is an idiot, who is twisting freedom of speech to suit his own narrow perspective. He is a celebrity gossip blogger, not a Constitutional lawyer, and is not competent to preach to us what the rights of others may be.

        There is nothing more hateful, narrow-minded, and bigoted as a liberal, and Fish fits perfectly in that mold. It’s a sad day when someone unqualified tries to appoint himself a social guru; his opinions aren’t facts, and those who mindlessly agree with him are what’s so wrong with this country.

        Never be afraid to express yourself, even if a fool blogger demonizes you for it. Chances are the fool blogger is wrong.

      • “The rights in the Constitution only put limits on the acts of GOVERNMENT and what it can do to people. A&E is not the government, and so the theory is that the Constitutional right to free speech isn’t applicable in this scenario.

        Fish is an idiot, who is twisting freedom of speech to suit his own narrow perspective. He is a celebrity gossip blogger, not a Constitutional lawyer, and is not competent to preach to us what the rights of others may be.”

        Reconcile those two paragraphs. I dare you.

      • The Brown Streak

        If I use curse words at a customer (even while not being rude to them) I can be fired from my job. Does that mean my freedom of speech is taken away?

      • It would be easier to ask a monkey to fuck a football.

      • They don’t need to be reconciled – he’s right about the applicability of the constitution, and also as to the fact you’re an arrogant idiot who seeks to demonize and silence all who disagree with your views.

      • When does Fish get to the “silencing” part that you insist he does? Because I’m going to be completely honest here for a second: some of you fuckers can’t get “silenced” soon enough.

      • Willie Dixon

        Convex ad his ilk got owned with facts. Shocking.

        You’re wasting your time, Fish. These people on believe in a made up theocratic ideal of America, not how it actually works, despite the freedom it allows them.

      • And you are qualified…. like anyone who has read your idiotic replies would believe that…
        Stick to looking at the pictures your Christian god will burn you in hell for and quit commenting.
        Or better yet why is your sad pathetic loser self even on his site then…
        Sho jr I think your hero rushbo is on.

      • Awww, it looks like someone hurt your feelings! You precious little snowflake!

      • KingRamses

        Any person with the intellectual capacity to read and COMPREHEND the constitution may then make comments regarding civil rights and liberties. You do not have to be a constitutional lawyer to be able to achieve this simple level of civic efficacy.
        However, I must again stress to you specifically CONVEX, the need for at least a high school reading comprehension level. A area where you’re clearly lacking, since you managed to misinterpret everything written in the initial post.

      • Name(Visible)

        This entire debacle is, in no way, shape, or form, an issue of freedom of speech. It is, however, a prime example of Political Correctness run a muck. In my opinion, Phil’s comments are no more offensive than much of the misogynist posts that we see everyday on this site. That, to me is the hypocrisy of Fish’s stance on most of his political views. He preaches acceptance and tolerance, and then spends days objectifying women and plastering our screens with intrusive full page ads from the greedy corporate oligarchy that is “enslaving the poor and underprivileged.” This, in my opinion, is why many are speaking out for you to end the shit, Fish. Your writing has always been witty and entertaining, but it seems that your level of pretentiousness is reaching an all time high, these days.

      • Canada Please Let Me In!

        The point of the post is not the severity of the comments, the point is the utter lack of understanding that these wingnuts have of the 1st and 2nd Ammendments. I would also like to point out that SARAH PALLIN WAS A FUCKING GOVERNOR and obviously has no goddam clue how employment and constitutional law work. That is probably the scariest fucking part of this whole incident. I have been checking out some of the most brain dead comments from these special needs, knuckle dragging, slope headed, bible thumping assholes. The pure venom they spew at “Lefties” and “the homo agenda” are not the things that bother me. Fuck, I actually find them amusing. What scares the living shit out of me is their complete ignorance of what is in the 1st ammendment. It actually made me shiver.

      • Kodos

        And what is YOUR family’s bank balance compared to this “ignorant hillbilly’s”??

        Thought so.

      • By your logic, the Kardashians are better people than anyone here, including you. “Personal gross” does not equal “personal worth.”

      • fartssdncdkjc

        He’s richer than you will ever be hahaha! Just pure jealously from those who talk trash and try to condescend him by calling him hillbilly or redneck. You will never work as hard in your entire life, as Phil or any blue collar workers do in one day.

    • It's Always Sunny in Atlanta

      Mr. Phil?

    • Yeah, and A&E has every right to suspend and/or fire him. Your point being?

    • JC

      Mr. Phil has the right to say whatever he wants, but he has no right to earn craptons of money for doing a reality show if he doesn’t follow the agreement he made with his employers. I don’t know about most people, but if I approach my boss or most of my co-workers and, unprompted or otherwise, deliver a long soliloquy about men’s anuses and sin, then I’ll likely get fired, and no one with a brain would think I’m some martyr. They’d think I was a creep and/or an idiot, and they’d be correct.

      • I suggest this any time there’s a defender of whatever dickwad conservative nincompoop who runs his mouth about his “beliefs”: Do the same thing at work. Stand Strong. Go right up to your boss and tell him, “America is going down in flames because teh gay™ is a sin. Also: why male butt sex? I mean, really?! Have you had a vagina lately? They’re the best!”

        Do it. Stand strong. Wear your heart on your sleeve.

      • It's Always Sunny in Atlanta

        My point is, who the fuck would refer to this guy as “Mr.” Phil?

    • You didn’t actually point out a single thing wrong with what Fish wrote. Which sort of indicates to any thinking person that what you really want to write is “I HATE GAYS” but you don’t have the guts to do it.

      Well, man up, bitch. You hate gays. Everyone knows it. Just say it. See, the problem isn’t that you hate gays. The problem is you want to hate gays and not suffer the consequences — which are that decent and intelligent human beings think you’re a piece of human excrement.

      You get to hate gays. Decent and intelligent people get to think you’re a dumbass piece of shit. It works out perfectly for everyone.

      So be honest about your bigotry, you dumbass piece of shit. The only thing worse than a bigot is a bigot who is also a coward.

      • It isn’t “freedom of speech and your job is safe too”. Lots of people seem to forget that freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom from consequences.

      • I just deleted my response to Brian. Yours is so much better.

      • Thank you. My goal is always to be succinct.

      • What if a Christian broadcasting company fired an employee for saying he was ok with gays being left to live their lives in peace? Would you all screech on and on about ‘yeah, they got fired for saying what they believed, and they knew the consequences of speaking their mind could be losing their job – no problem with the employer firing them’? Nope, I don’t believe that’s what you all would say – because you’re narrow minded arrogant dumbfucks that only spout off when someone expresses a viewpoint at odds with your own, and then any and all punishment for not adhering to the gay agenda’s party line is acceptable. Hypocrites.

      • I love it when someone goes What if this happened, what would you libs think then? Well, I’ll TELL you what you’d think, because I KNOW you’d say the complete opposite of what you’re saying now. See? You’re goddamn hypocrites.

        And of course it’s schmidtler doing this. Of course it is.

      • The gay agenda is to be treated like any other tax-paying citizen of this country, fuckwit. And that’s what you object to. Let’s be clear about this. You’re not objecting to any nefarious conspiracy to control the minds of God-fearing Christians and molest their little darlings because nothing like that exists and even you’re probably smart enough to realize it.

        You object to people being treated as equals. Let’s just make that clear. That’s what you don’t like — equality for all. And that’s why you’re a dumbass piece of shit. I hope we’re now clear on that.

        To answer your idiotic question, yes, I’d be fine with a Christian or Jewish or Muslim or whatever broadcasting company firing an employee who stated his or her beliefs in equality, decency and the American way. I’d think it is just another reason to detest bigots, but I’m fine with bigots acting like bigots, as long as they do so within the law. That fired employee is probably a liberal and thus has a working understanding of the way the law works in this country and knew the risks of working for such an odious employer and the risks of doing the right thing by speaking out.

        I don’t want to take away your freedom to be a shithead. You are a shithead and you have a right to be that shithead. Be the shittiest shithead you can be.

        But you WILL be known as a shithead when you act like a shithead. And that’s really what this is all about. You and your fellow bigots want the freedom to act like shitheads [which you are entitled to] without the backlash of being known as shitheads [which you are NOT entitled to].

        You get to be a shithead. I get to call you a shithead. That’s how freedom works, fuckwit.

        Now, I realize you didn’t understand any of that. In fact, after the third line of my reply you went back to masturbating to photos of Sarah Palin with a hunting rifle. But I thought I’d spell it out for you anyway. I’m a liberal and we’re generous that way.

        Merry Christmas, shithead.

      • While I do agree with you, in principal, Macro, the flaw is that you are taking the stance that the “shithead” is always the intolerant conservative. For someone to disparage a gay man is horrific, yet to ridicule a gun owning republican is…uh….”honorable?” It appears that you are also guilty of this shithead status.

      • LB

        I don’t think Macro is being “honorable” here, but there’s an important distinction between hating on people for their political ideologies and hating on them for their race, sexual orientation, etc. I understand that those political ideologies are (often) informed by religion, and that many Christians thus feel persecuted, but ultimately you’re making a false equivocation.

        Still, I agree that folks could find more fruitful ways to discuss their differences.

      • I believe that making a direct correlation between political leanings and race and sexual orientation was unnecessary and irrelevant in my comment as I was simply making the point that the aggressor on both sides is implying that their point of view is, indeed, the correct one, and, therefore, is justified in demeaning the other. While there is an obvious difference between the two, as you have stated, the spirit of the “shithead” is the same, nonetheless.

      • Are You That Zimmerman Fella?

        Actually, Jim and Tammy Fay Baker were fired from Heritage USA due to their viewpoints that included letting gay people into the miinistry. Nothing was ever said or protested about it by the “liberal media”. The fact is, aside from a few documentaries that point out this fact, hardly anyone knows about it. Jerry Fallwell also never mentioned it. It was swept under the rug. With that being stated, do you have an actual valid point?

  3. I could give two shits what some hick said about gay people, and either can A&E, because, let’s be honest, they fully know there might be a handful of gay people in the entire US that watch a show about a bunch of rednecks dressed up in camo shooting guns and blowing into duck whistles.

    But, I do agree that “dis country is going to hell in a hand basket”. For many reasons. Gay people aren’t one of them.

    • But bad grammar is. :P

    • I’ve never seen or watched Duck Dynasty – hell I’ve never watched ANY reality show – and have no idea what it is. But based on what I’ve heard that the core of the show consists of self-described “white trash” redneck hillbillies, what is the surprise that one or all members of the show will exhibit or vocalize anti-homosexual beliefs?

  4. It's Always Sunny in Atlanta

    I live in Atlanta, and fuck the south. Hicks like these make me embarrassed to live here.

    But terrible move on A&E’s part – don’t they know their core demographic? Nothing hillbillies love more than to stick up for anyone who has been wronged by defending their imaginary friend.

    • JC

      A&E probably just did the math: How much money do we earn from people who hate gays vs. how much money might we lose in sponsors/viewership from people who aren’t idiots? This is pure speculation, but assuming a large chunk of the audience watches this bullshit “ironically” or because “the beardy people say funny things!” then they potentially had more money to lose backing the hate horse.

      • The entertainment business is THAT: a BUSINESS. A&E crunched the numbers and looked at the *bottom line* and had their people act accordingly. If this was the 1920s Jim Crow south and lynching an innocent black man would contribute to the bottom line then they’d tell their people “string him up!”

    • Joe Blow

      ### I live in Atlanta, and fuck the south. Hicks like these make me embarrassed to live here. ###

      As I understand it, the interstate highway system is open 24 hours per day. Take I-20 over to 95 and head north.

  5. molly

    well said shit, fish, well said.

  6. Mohawk Disco

    I’m so glad I don’t watch Duck Dynasty so I can honestly and obliviously not give a fuck about anything these morons are doing.

  7. Greg

    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  8. Greg

    Also, stories like this only feed the moths that dine on the eternal flame…..

  9. JC

    We ’bout ready to get some internet Constitutional scholars up in here to explain us why this be wrong. EN….GAGE!

  10. Robb7

    Reality shows in general suck — this one sucks big time. When I heard the audience numbers, I knew they had a cult-following of loonies who think these knuckleheads are leading the good life!

    • it had to be said

      You’d be surprised. I bet they have a lot more viewers who think they’re funny (they are) and know they can watch the show without any Jersey Shore/Kardashian-style inappropriateness.

      The guys will do something stupid, there will be drama, they’ll make up with a nice prayer. Nobody will get drunk and hook up with someone else. Nobody is going to be 16 and pregnant. It’s kind of like an old sitcom. It doesn’t make you smarter, or a better person, but you also won’t have to explain what a “skank” is to a kid who happens to be in the room when it’s on.

      • Won’t someone please think of the children?

      • it had to be said

        If you’d ever tried to explain something like “skank” to a kid without also demonizing any woman who dresses like anything other than a nun you’d know the issue is for the adults, not the kids. It’s a serious pain in the ass to have to try to explain nuanced issues of sexuality and culture because some skank on TV can’t handle her vodka.

      • Aggie

        Yeah, it’s such a pain in the ass to have to raise your kid instead of being able to sit them in front of TV and ignore them.

      • I just want to know how they keep it down to one awkward question a day. We usually get about 12 from our little dude before breakfast.

  11. diversity hire

    Publicity stunt

  12. “Waaaahhhh…we’re so picked on. Just because of our Taliban-like approach to morality in American Society under the cover of ‘freedom of religion’”
    No one cares you whiny, bible-thumping freaks. Like Fish says, you are NOT an oppressed minority so get over yourselves and preach your bullshit to someone who cares.

  13. It was amusing reading the comments from Duck Dynasty fans last night. No surprise that the same people that shop for Duck Dynasty merchandise at places like Walmart can’t seem to grasp how freedom of speech actually works. More than a few of them were military and police officers which speaks volumes.

    Since most of them have probably never worked anything more than a minimum wage job, I don’t think they understand that you can’t just say anything that you want and get away with it, that is not freedom of speech. Freedom of speech does not extend to your employer and freedom of speech is not absolute anyway. Go threaten the President using your freedom of speech or damn near anyone else, see how that works out for you guys, in fact go say a lot of different shit your employer may not like or agree with and see how freedom of speech works out for you.

    I had skimmed over what Phil said yesterday and was willing to give him a pass on the whole thing as his opinion with the whole not liking gay people, but basically comparing gay people to being terrorists and also stating that black people were basically were better off as at worst slaves and at best indentured servants under Jim Crow laws, well that is a lot more serious.

    The reality is these dumbasses are going nowhere. They will buy merchandise to support Phil and the family and will flock to watch the episode where Phil returns and drive the ratings up. The Robertsons, A&E and Walmart will make a shit ton of money and all laugh together at the rube fans while counting millions at the table. This could not be anymore perfect, you almost have to wonder if they planned it?

    • “You almost have to wonder if they planned it?”

      I said this exact thing to Photo Boy this morning. Why the hell would A&E agree to let this guy do an off-the-cuff interview with GQ knowing full well what kind of comments he likes to make? They pulled the pin on a grenade and got their baskets ready for the money explosion.

  14. Wal-Mart
    Hank Williams Jr.
    Honey Boo Boo
    Obesity
    NASCAR
    The KKK
    Rednecks
    We should have just rescued all the slaves and burned the South to the ground!

    • Sherman tried. Gotta give him props for that.

    • I know this doesn’t help, but Honey Boo Boo’s family are not as bad as they could be. They do a huge Christmas charity event, they constantly give away their money, and they are 100% tolerant of others. I mean, hillbilly for sure, and weird as all hell, but kind hearts.

    • What’s wrong with KimmyKimKim? I’m kinda fond of that gal even though she lives in the south.

    • Up yours, man. I like NASCAR.

      • Yeah: making sure you steer a car a couple hundred times around an oval track is athleticism at its purest.

      • Dox

        Actually… driving at high speeds, in a large group of other drivers requires intense concentration. The drivers are subjected to a great deal of stress as well. So, yes, it actually is a taxing experience, considering that a lapse in concentration can kill you, and other people both on and off the track.

        That being said…. I never found it entertaining to make a left hand turn for hours on end.

        But, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t require some serious ability.
        Shot putting requires some serious ability too…

        Its also boring as fuck to watch.

      • I know I’m wasting my breath, but I found it boring as hell too, until I watched it with a friend of mine who explained a lot of it. Once you start knowing who’s who, pit strategy and what race teams everyone is on it gets a lot more entertaining. Gosh, it’s probably almost as much fun as watching sweaty 300-lb men grabbing at each other for a football, or a six-hour session of two dudes throwing a small white ball past guys with sticks.

      • One long left turn…WOOO HOO! Them dang ol’ Duke boys!

  15. azalea

    He told how much his past life almost ruined his life. I do not watch it, but he has a right to say what he wants, just as the likes of those who hate Conservatives.Ii don’t see any Liberals being taken down. Sin and immorality have become the in thing! Looks like Sodom and Gommorah are well in the USA!

    • JC

      I never realized judging and hating people you don’t know was a liberal vs. conservative issue. I thought it was just an asshole vs. not-being-an-asshole issue. Hell, I thought even the Bible itself said, “Judge not lest ye be judged yourself “and “Love they neighbor.” I guess I was wrong! Thanks for clearing that up!

    • What was Gomorrah again? And whats wrong with sinning? All those televangelists do it and all they have to do is cry a little and ask forgiveness.

  16. Sweet Jesus, those people who follow “Duck Dynasty” , don’t you see that A&E are using you nothing more than for ratings? Yeah right Sarah Palin would actually tweet about this? Please, that Bitch takes down a Moose with an assault rifle from a Helicopter with speakers blaring “Ride of the Valkyries.” FAKE BS.

  17. Here’s the problem I have with the hardcore Christian who has to insert Jesus into every aspect of life: While you’re petitioning your local high school to ensure that creationism is taught in school (evolution is a THEORY too) the rest of the world is making sure their schools are teaching things like math and science. You know, those things that are actually important to the world and raise the standard of living of your whole society.

    So if the most important thing in your world view is to make sure your school system doesn’t remove the word “God” from the Pledge of Allegiance, just go ahead and make sure your kids can say “do you want fries with that” in Spanish and Chinese. If you want to feel persecuted, go ahead, but please stop being the albatross around the neck of the USA.

  18. Priscilla Knobs

    I love the show! I love the fact that he is not afraid to state his opinion. I understand A&E’s right to suspend Phil. It is unfortunate that no one is tolerant and use the fallback line, “ignorant.” Conservatives do not care what you do in the bedroom. They don’t want to know about it. Privacy is becoming obsolete. Phil gave his opinion. Let’s not freak out about it. America bullies Phil for preferring women parts to men. Phil has said to love your neighbor so many times. Phil also said he loves everyone. His statement about gays does not mean he doesn’t like gays. It is sad that everything positive he has said is forgotten with this one statement over his preference regarding something that should be private.

    • Conservatives don’t care what you do in the bedroom? I have a list of states that still have anti-sodomy laws on the books that would like to disagree with you.

  19. SO much fucking disingenuousness from both sides of this goddamn “issue”.

    Nobody has violated anyones rights. The constitution protects people from persecution by the government, not from being sanctioned by your employer for embarassing him. The simple fact any of us even know the words that came out of his mouth makes a pretty good case for “freedom of speech”.

    And the outrage at his actual words…really? We’re really going to pretend that it’s so shocking for a Christian to parrot pretty much verbatim what’s been in the bible for a pretty good while now. He didn’t make that crap up himself, they all feel that way. It comes with the Jesus and Bible, so we’re really going to pretend to be shocked when they say it out loud? Seriously, this is like having a TV show where everyone wears Klan robes and burns crosses, and then lose our nut when one of them says “those people”.

    • JuiceBoxBaby

      It doesn’t “come with Jesus and the Bible” to hate anyone, even if you don’t believe Jesus is the Son of God, it’s pretty widely accepted that He was an actual historical figure who for the most part, walked around loving people and being a genuinely good person, and was non-judgemental – loving and accepting all walks of life as proven by those he chose to keep company with (his own disciples were ex murderers, thieves, etc..,) He did not believe in organized religion (man-made) but rather chose to reach out to people who needed his love and compassion when no one else would give it. The supposed “Christians” we often hear about have taken bits & pieces (mostly from the Old Testament which was pretty much made null & void by the New Testament) and concoct in their heads what they deem to be right and wrong, when really – it’s simple. Love your neighbor. Do unto others as you’d have them do to you. Love, love and love some more. If everyone would just stop all the hate and judgement and love their fellow man, the world would be an entirely different place – regardless of what (if any) deity you believe in.

      • Mike Walker

        Everything you’re claiming about the apocryphal jesus comes from the same source as the anti-homosexual proclamations – the bible.

      • Dox

        Yeah, but as much as I search I still cant find a passage in the bible where Jesus specifically instructs his followers to hate anyone.

        Quite the opposite in fact.

      • How hard did you look? Try Revelation 2:6.

        Also I’m not sure he was loving the money changers when he physically kicked the crap out of them. He also chewed out the Pharisees on multiple occasion embarrassing them in front of crowds saying they were hypocrites and that their parents were vipers.

        People love the idea of an all accepting, all loving Jesus. That’s not, strictly speaking, the Jesus of the bible. You’re probably thinking of Santa Claus.

      • Mike Walker

        I don’t know why disagreeing with a person/group’s behaviour has to be always construed as “hate”. I think only a small percentage of the religious based opposition against homosexuals can be categorized as “hate”. Passive disdain, at best. A lot of it is just a way for people to formally rationalize their general disaste at the various gender incongruities and stereotypes of gay people.

        Jesus didn’t write the bible, and I’m not sure what can be constituted as his teachings vs the interpretations and embellishments of writers from decades after his supposed death. There are a few sections in Timothy and Corinthians that preach against drunks, adulterers, homosexuals (likely lumped in with pederasts) and other scoundrels, so whether those are Jesus’ teachings, I don’t know, but I would assume this is where religious based homophobia stems from.

    • Being rational ruins the opportunity for faux outrage and narcissistic internet activism.

    • Mike Walker

      Pointing out that it’s not an authentic Freedom Of Speech issue, in the sense of government restriction, is disingenuous and has become a common strawman argument. Whenever you hear the phrase “freedom of speech” in a situation like this, it’s always in the informal sense, in response to the the mob-like public shaming that tends to follow pseudo-controversial opinions on gender, sexuality, race, religion, etc, and usually driven by exaggerated misrepresentations by loony ideologues. This is actually worse than the government restricting your ability to have those opinions.

    • Well said, McFeely, to be specific.

  20. CZ104

    I gotta say. I really enjoy your site and your humor. But I find your opinions somewhat hypocritical. I think both conservatives and liberals alike can be extremely zealous and therefore dangerous. I don’t think that only “evil Republicans” are the ones who are overzealous robots that follow people blindly. I’ve seen some blind hero worship come from the liberal side as well. In essence, I think ANYONE who is overly zealous about anything is a danger and probably not very bright.

    That being said, it’s your opinion and your site and this is AMERICA! (lol) so you have the right to say what you want. I just wanted to put my two sense in as well.

    P.S. You crack me up all the time.

  21. Brilliantly written piece. Couldn’t agree more, now where are my boob and butt pictures?

  22. andie

    “There is nothing more dangerous than the conscience of a bigot.”
    –George Bernard Shaw

    • Jiminy Cryptic

      “Opinions are like assholes – either one will raise a homo’s blood pressure” – some guy in a bar.

  23. Cock Dr

    I stand by our long term household decision to never watch “television”. We’re getting more than enough brain pollution from our activities on the world wide web.

  24. Satan's Right Hand

    After reading the comments on this, anything related to Zimmerman, Palin, or guns I feel great knowing that regardless of what all of our beliefs (or lack thereof) are we all come together on one thing. The one thing that brought us all here today… TITS!!!! Oh and hating the Kardashians, Miley, and Lohan.

  25. JP!

    Remember when A&E first launched?
    ‘Arts and Entertainment’, with an emphasis on ‘Arts’.
    Then they ditched the ‘Arts’ format (cause that shit costs money to make!) and went for ‘Reality TV’.

    Yeah, a homophobic redneck from a tight Southern family clan must’ve really, really surprised them.

  26. cory

    Why do you continue the stereotype of all conservatives are dumb hicks. Look at the facts. The average Conservative is far more educated, intelligent, and financially well off than the average liberal. That’s a fact that you liberals always acknowledge with when you march against “the rich” and “upper class” and the 1%. You are all for redistributing the wealth from the 1%, but how do think we got all the money, by being stupid and uneducated like the average liberal? And don’t say we got the money by inheritance and cheating and exploiting the poor. Some maybe, but most did it through hard work.

    So please spare us with the we’re smarter than all you dumb hick conservatives. You can’t have it both ways by saying we’re stupid and then trying to take our hard earned money away from us and give to your uneducated minions.

    • I’ll let you have “financially well off,” but I want to see facts and figures from REPUTABLE sources that prove “far more educated and intelligent,” motherfucker.

      • That’s not actually true either. Liberals are by far way more educated and richer than conservatives. In fact there was a study released last week with the wealthiest parts of the country and they were squarely in liberal areas. Conservatives like to sell you that bullshit lie that they are richer when in fact they are usually the ones on welfare and all sorts of government assistance. Extrapolate it out to the rest of the world like Canada and the Netherlands and liberals/socialists are by far more wealthy.

      • cory

        Are you guys in the twilightzone? I’m talking averages, not absolutes. Republcans are for the rich, Democrats for the poor. How many times has that been drilled into our heads. Republicans have the higher percentage of the wealthier business people (CEOs, etc.), white colar workers, and suburbanites. The Democratic base is made up of minorties, blue colar workers (unions) and urban people. It’s just demographics.

        Take a look at the election maps. The urban areas like Detroit go heavily Dem and the rich suburbs go Repub.

      • That old wives tale simply don’t hold water anymore. UBER-wealthy areas like the Upper East and West Side in Manhattan and Connecticut and Vermont and Rhode Island are bastions of the Democratic party. UBER-wealthy Marin and San Mateo and Pacific Heights San Francisco and Beverly Hills and West Los Angeles are major Democratic strongholds. Chicago’s Gold Coast? Democratic. And the strengths of republican party? Dirt poor Mississippi and Alabama and Idaho and South Dakota and so forth. “Cory” YOUR perception of party loyalty is still stuck in the 1960s of economic loyalty when today cultural value loyalty rules the roost. But I’ll tell you what, the working whites in Alabama and South Carolina and northern Florida are being slowly and surely ground into impoverishment by the policies of THEIR teabagging republican political leaders that even poor white rednecks are sooner or later going to flee to EVEN the Democratic party.

      • blacks vote 99% for democrat party candidates. I’m sure that’s just their way of cementing their place at the tippy top of our economic pyramid.

      • Education = more liberal has been known for quite a while. When you get to “graduate or above education” the spike toward voting Democratic spikes up dramatically. The guy who wrote “The Coming Democratic Majority” stated as much. He said as as a service economy means persons will HAVE to attain higher and higher education and that higher education will veer persons to the Democratic party.

      • Name(Visible)

        El Jefe, get off this talking point. It’s foolish. You are implying that a rich blue state means that Democrats are richer. If that’s the case, then why do we have “income inequality” since Liberals believe in redistribution?

      • Name(Visible)

        Unless it’s the………wait…..the Libs are keeping everyone down? Those dastardly one percenters!

  27. Zellie200

    I’d just like to go on the record as saying not ALL Christians believe this way. And it doesn’t come from Jesus. he never said a word about gay’s. He just preached love. And I don’t believe every word of the bible is to be followed, that is ridiculous. I have relatives though who are just like Phil and it drives me crazy. Phil is like an extreme version of my Brother. i love him, he says funny things sometimes and cracks me up. Other times he says things that make me cringe and embarrass me. We agree we aren’t going to change each others mind and love each other any way. It isn’t always easy.Intolerance against any group of people is wrong and I’ve fought for Gay rights. I have an adopted brother who is gay and is HIV Positive and it opened my mind at a young age to the bigotry and intolerance he and his friends had to deal with on a daily basis. And Fish is right. Freedom of speech protects you from Jail from the Government (unless you threaten the President). It sure as shit does not protect you from getting fired from work for being a vocally intolerant bigot. In fact, my job involves training people against intolerance in the work place. By being a public figure, any time Phil goes on the record in an interview, he is in essence at work and A&E is completely within their rights to fire him. That being said, I agree…its a complete publicity stunt and everyone is going to laugh all the way to the bank, because there is nothing Christians love more then being persecuted for their beliefs. Its in their DNA. So the people who don’t watch the show ironically. the people who don’t watch the show just because its funny, and its a relief to watch something without sex and greed and violence constantly being thrown in your face. A family friendly show. The people who watch the show because they like to dress in camo and shoot things and thump the bible….those people are going to throw money at the Robertson’s like its a money ticker tape parade. Even more so, then they have been already. It’s brilliant. You know…I don’t think this is an A&E stunt, I think it is a Willie Robertson stunt. He’s a brilliant marketer. He finally let Dad off the leash just to see what would happen. He’s got an MBA in Marketing or something like that, he’s no ignorant hillbilly. Half these guys didn’t even have beards before a few years ago when they started marketing themselves as hunters, and he made the company what it is today, not dad.

  28. CrashHell

    “…which will still be filmed by the rest of the family who apparently don’t have a problem going along with any of this which should’ve been the first red flag to all the Duck Dynasty fans currently being played like a harp from hell.” -
    Hey, were you watching Batman Returns last night too???

  29. I’m appreciating the irony: most people I’ve seen complain about this on Facebook live in right to work states.

  30. me

    Great way to increase site traffic and ad revenue.

    This post’s popularity goes so much further than anything else this week and I’m sure even longer than that.

  31. And I must say, absolutely brilliant take down.
    Jon Stewart would be proud :)

  32. right

    14 million people watch this GARBAGE, Probably obama supporters.

  33. duhhhhhh

    Your tears and pain are delicious, fish.

  34. Stop Making Me Defend This Shiat

    Fish would never stoke controversy for clicks. That’s something only greedy rightwing bigoted christians would do.

  35. Rex Seven

    Obama didn’t cancel freedom of speech… just 5 million insurance policies… so far… and turned a bunch of full time workers into part time workers. He should walk under a mission accomplished sign because it’s what he meant to do as he lied to everyone.

  36. FlameAway

    The Bible is a work of fiction.

  37. Rex Seven

    Actually Obama didn’t cancel the policies. He asked you to do it by voting for him. Many of you did.

  38. Car

    Well Fish, this is my last visit to your site. Loved the celebrity blogs, however you and most of your commenters have driven me away. I just want to say good luck to you and thanks for the all the funny posts, wish you really wouldn’t have turned into a political blog post as well. I have msnbc, fox, cnn, and other news outlets to tell me what to think.

    • peace out, your butthurt cream is in the mail. sorry you were ‘forced’ to read Fish’s opinion and took so much ‘offense’. thin skin is almost in a disease-like state anymore. BABABOOEY to y’all.

      • Car

        Never said I was offended or forced to read, just that I only was coming to the website for the celebrity posts. Out of respect for the author, I wanted to let him know why he was losing a reader and to thank him for all the laughs I had previously enjoyed from his website. Sorry if MY leaving the website has upset you so much

      • Car

        oh and on a side note, can you make sure it is odor free butthurt cream? It’s what I prefer to use.

      • We’ll even make sure it’s in the gallon tub that you so obviously need.

  39. drunk at noon

    Reality shows take months of editing to get to air (I work on reality TV shows). Literally from the time they shoot the scene to the time it airs, it can be from 3 months to a year. They typically don’t shoot year-round. So dude being “suspended” means practically nothing, because unless they are currently shooting, he’s probably on hiatus anyway. The episodes they already shot are already done, they’ll air as cut. They can probably re-cut an episode or two that are already in the pipeline to follow stories that don’t include him.

  40. anonymous

    Somehow I don’t see Duck Dynasty’s viewing demographic to include gays and lesbians anymore than it includes PETA.

    So is someone at GQ going to be suspended too for printing the remarks or does that only apply to the talent saying them?

  41. oh wow he was suspended…he must be devastated….now he’ll get more quality time with Paula Deen…

  42. For all the FREEDOM OF SPEECH crusaders, go into your bosses office and tell him that he’s a good for nothing slouch with a fat wife and spoiled, dumbass children. Come back on here and post the results.

    People including Sarah Palin pull the freedom of speech card when they personally support what was said but if he started ranting about how he supports abortion, she would be crying for A&E to take the whole show off. He was suspended from his job , that’s it. Nothing else. The same thing would happen to every last one of us if we said something inappropriate in the work place.

  43. Mitch

    If Phil were a muslim, you wouldn’t have heard a peep out of anyone and that is the truth. Muslims are killing homosexuals for sport in most islamic countries yet nobody from the LGBT community has a single word to say about it.

    As for the lame writer of this one humorous blog, he needs to get the dick out of his ass long enough to concentrate and write something witty.

  44. Jasontree

    Robertson’s views are not at all unusual and not the most extreme of the attitudes that are the norm down here. He just said it out loud.
    The real deal is much worse much more pervasive.

  45. A lot of people are here have a lot to say about what the Bible and Jesus said, but it’s clear most people haven’t actually cracked that book. Christ really did teach that marriage was between one man and one woman. The bible does condemn homosexuality. It also teaches love and the concept that people have free will and it certainly isn’t any Christians job to try and police someone else’s life. If you believe the bible, you believe that. If you don’t believe those things, then you only believe in part of the bible. A lot of people here seem to like to focus on some of those things and ignore the others. It’s not that complicated and it’s pretty much what this redneck said. If you’re outraged that he said these things then your an idiot.

    Look, I’m not a conservative and I can’t imagine why anyone would watch this show. I do think it’s ridiculous, though, that the whole reason these guys got a show was because people enjoy laughing at backwards morons, but when they say the wrong backwards and moronic thing there is outrage.

    Also, Fish, I think it’s a cheap shot to say he equated homosexuals to terrorists. He mentioned them in the same sentence (as well as drunks) but that’s hardly saying they are the same…no more than your paragraph on persecution is saying all Christians are bigoted, abusive, and hypocritical.

    Or are you saying that?

  46. SansaStark#1

    This….100% this. You articulated EXACTLY what the fuck is going on here. This kind of post is why I read this site everyday. Great synopsis Fish.

  47. Slash

    LOL. The internet is to idiocy what, well, what the internet is to porn – a seemingly endless supply of it.

    “The constitution means what I, an uninformed person, say it means, not what it actually says!!!”

    “Website people should talk about stuff I like and not stuff I don’t like!!”

    “I resent having to read this thing that nobody forced me to read but that I read anyway so I could bitch about having to read it!!!”

    “I’m leaving and never coming back, because that’s a phrase that always works like a charm to force people to do stuff my way!!!”

    “More boobs!! This is the only place on the internet to see boobs and read malicious gossip about celebrities. Stop talkin’ ’bout stuff that isn’t boobs or celebrities!!!”

  48. Nate

    Once again fish reveals himself to be a skinny jean wearing hipster writing scornfully about guys that used to beat him up in high school while sips his no fat latte and an checks the dailykos for his not well thought out talking points right before throwing on his man purse and sashaying out the door to his one bedroom apartment. Fish is so clichéd and obviously I almost believe he’s playing a character spoofing said ridiculous persona.

    • Wow, you really don’t like gay people. What are you afraid of?

      • Nate

        What did I say that had anything to do with gay people? In fact, I believe fish is a mostly straight guy. My problem with him has nothing to do with what he likes to do sexually. My problem with him is his absurd self importance and hypocrisy. He surfs his left wing websites all morning and then grabs some talking points and comes over to his website to put in his I’m a smart above it all liberal pants. Then afterwards he posts a bunch of pictures about boobs. He’s either a sell out or not well thought out or both. Either way he’s a hypocrite and coffee shop liberal that needs to get out into the world and start thinking on his own.

      • Well look at the boobs and ignore political shit.

    • Indignance does not make that run on sentence acceptable.

  49. Brandon

    “A&E can terminate him at any point if he does anything that negatively affects the network or Duck Dynasty.”

    There was no negative effect on A&E until they suspended him.

  50. Reg

    They terk yer jerb!

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