What Duck Dynasty Says About America

December 23rd, 2013 // 185 Comments
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Barring one of the Duck Dynasty family members getting caught with a duck caller up their anus, these are my final thoughts on the Phil Robertson fiasco until Friday when I’m sure something else ridiculous will have flown out of this situation that I won’t be able to ignore. I’m not even going to delude myself. In the meantime, what follows is my cynical rundown on what in the hell happened here in the wake of Phil’s GQ interview, what it tells us about America, and a tenuous glimmer of hope for the future that somehow doesn’t involve large breasts. I’m just as confused as you are right now.

What The Hell Even Happened Here?

In a completely predictable move that A&E should’ve seen coming considering they filmed four seasons of the show, and even witnessed the grenade pin being pulled firsthand because it had a rep there the whole time (Whose exact location during the questionable parts of interview the network tried to lie about only to have Drew Magary epically shoot down.), Phil Robertson launched into a sermon about what’s wrong with America, as his own family said in the interview he just does at the drop of a hat, and it turns out the problem is sin including homosexuality which “morphs” into bestiality. And for those of you who still want to say Phil wasn’t specifically saying gays are what’s wrong with America, here he is yesterday doubling down on exactly that. Via Mediaite:

I am just reading what was written over 2000 years ago. Those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom. All I did was quote from the scriptures, but they just didn’t know it… A lot of times they don’t even wait for you to finish and say, ‘But there’s a way out, do you want to hear the rest of the story or what?
‘Jesus will take sins away, if you’re a homosexual he’ll take it away, if you’re an adulterer, if you’re a liar, what’s the difference? If you break one sin you may as well break them all.
If we lose our morality, we will lose our country. It will happen. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all walk around without stealing from each other and killing each other?’

From there, A&E thought it knew what the script was for these things: You pull the offensive person off the air then look like an inclusive, respectful company by condemning their comments because discrimination against a person’s sexual orientation shouldn’t be condoned in a modern society. And for those of you who blasted social media that A&E has no balls, you’re actually right, but for all the wrong reasons. You see, A&E doesn’t lack balls because they didn’t “tell them faggots to shut up,” they lack balls because they continued to profit from this ignorant fuck then suddenly pretended they gave a shit about their gay employees when the Internet lifted up the rock this was happening under. Except here’s where everything went sideways. Normally, advertisers would start pulling out because they don’t want to be tied to hate speech, except none of them did. Financially, the show was perfectly safe, and it’s main audience clearly doesn’t give a fuck about gay rights or the the struggles of pre-civil rights African-Americans (Even Mike Huckabee went, “Whoa, wait a minute,” on that one.), so it’s not like you were going to lose them. In fact, the show was more popular than ever which only further raises the questions of if this was all just a brilliant publicity stunt.

So Why Is Any Of That Bad?

Because hate won this battle. An antiquated belief that the way a person is born should deny them basic human rights in America proved to be a goddamn gold mine too rich to pass up. Any company who attempted to do the right thing found themselves immediately shouted down by Christian idiots who claimed they’re the ones being “persecuted” despite having not one of their constitutional rights taken away from or anyone even suggesting that they should be. Cracker Barrel, forgetting entirely who its customer base is, tried to do the right thing on Friday only to bitch out 39 hours later. Because apparently not seeing Duck Dynasty DVDs in the country store on your way to plate full of biscuits is exactly like not being able to marry the person you love or be recognized as a spouse to get health benefits. This is how fucking spoiled and how entitled this crowd is.

On top of that, you have an alarming swath of America who doesn’t even understand how Freedom of Speech works and cries “bigotry” if you even criticize their religious beliefs which are actively used to oppress the rights of their fellow man. Here’s Bristol Palin doing just that even though according to The Bible, she should’ve been stoned at the city gates for having premarital sex:

I hate how the LGBT community says it’s all about “love” and “equality.” However, if you don’t agree with their lifestyle, they spread the most hate. It is so hypocritical it makes my stomach turn. They need to learn how to respect others’ opinions and not just jump to the conclusion that everyone who doesn’t support homosexuality and gay marriage is homophobic.

Everyone who doesn’t support homosexuality and gay marriage IS homophobic. Your beliefs that you choose to adhere to specifically condemn gay people as “less than” which, in direct violation of the Constitution’s intent, Christians have taken even further by coding that belief into legislation to oppress homosexuals’ freedom. Yet, you conveniently ignore other Bible passages such as turning the other cheek (Not, oh I dunno, threatening to shoot people over a fucking TV show.), and giving all your money to the poor because I’m pretty sure one of you said it’s hard for a rich man to get into heaven. Man, who was that? Oh, right, JESUS. Your shit is all over the place, so naturally people are going to call you out for strangely clinging to the one part of The Bible that lets you subjugate an entire set of people while sitting smugly on a throne of a moral superiority. Something Christianity in America has a history of doing which brings to my next part.

You’re Losing

In the midst of all this, New Mexico and Utah legalized gay marriage. Yes, that Utah. Because here’s where Christianity repeatedly finds itself in an untenable position: The argument to take away a person’s basic rights will always lose. You used The Bible to defend slavery. You lost. You used The Bible to stop miscegenation. You lost. You used The Bible to block the civil rights act. You lost. And now you’re using The Bible to prevent gay rights which, surprise, you’re losing. Genuine human kindness will always beat you. When the history books are written, the people defending Duck Dynasty’s anti-gay stance will be viewed alongside the defenders of Jim Crow laws in the south. Misguided morons who thought they had the moral authority to deny the rights of others. Enjoy.

The Icing On The Cake

Here’s the Cult of Dusty doing an incredible takedown of just how “authentic” the Robertson family is, and holy shit, they’re all rich yuppies. If you skip to the 2:54 mark, you can see their lovely family photos of them all clean shaven in polos and khaki shorts at their beach house, yet as soon as the show started, they became goddamn Grizzly Adams:

Of course, now would be a good time for Christian Duck Dynasty fans to ask themselves why they always get duped so easily by frontier types, but the answer is religion is for the gullible, so they’re not going to do that at all.

Merry Christmas, rubes.

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  1. JC

    For me, this all boiled down to one thing: Douche Dynasty and their supporters saying, “We have the right to be bigots! Criticizing us is against the Constitution and evil!”

    They’re correct on the first sentence, and wrong on the second. Why they fail to understand that the right granted to them to spew hateful crap doesn’t apply to the other side is completely mystifying. Education is failing too many people in this country.

    • Johnny Barbells

      …i’ve read approximately 70% of the comments that follow all of these duck dynasty posts …and, according to my own exhaustive research, all of the commenters who support phil (even the ones who offer the caveat; “i don’t agree with what phil said; but…”) their messages break down into one or all of these basic categories:
      A. phil was only stating his religious beliefs
      B. him stating his beliefs does not equate to discrimination
      C. A&E and the public are infringing upon phil’s freedom of speech
      D. liberals who rail against phil are jerks who are intolerant of other people’s beliefs

      first… patton oswalt addressed this issue beautifully when talking about the phrase “you have to respect everyone’s beliefs” [i'm paraphrasing]: no we don’t…we only have to ACKNOWLEDGE everyone’s beliefs, we do not have to RESPECT them…i can acknowledge you believe a thing, but, i have the right to say you’re a fucking lunatic for believing it! (because the 1st amendment applies to me also)

      second… then i guess all those men in pre-1920 america who stated their beliefs about woman voting, or, all of those white people in pre-1964 america who stated their beliefs about black people in general, they were’nt “discriminating” either, huh? …of course they were…the beliefs of those people (ie; voters) enforced the laws in place at that time, in the same way the beliefs of present-day homophobes enforce the laws that discriminate against gay citizens…it’s a very short leap of logic, really not hard to follow at all.

      third… ‘fish has done an exemplary job of explaining the 1st amendment; what it actually means, how it actually works, and how none of this applies to what happened to phil …if you still can’t grasp this, then you’re just being stubborn.

      fourth… “there are none so blind as those who choose not to see” …it never ceases to amaze me the size & scope of the blinders that conservatives wear …or the capacity of the pot to call the kettle black, with a completely straight face …the sheer magnitude of the balls, or cognitive dissonance, it must take for these children & grandchildren of karl rove & lee atwater to cast dispersions at anyone else is just head-shakingly astounding …here’s that often mis-quoted statement about how we should never tolerate intolerance:

      “Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them… We should therefore claim, in the name of tolerance, the right not to tolerate the intolerant. We should claim that any movement preaching intolerance places itself outside the law, and we should consider incitement to intolerance and persecution as criminal, in the same way as we should consider incitement to murder, or to kidnapping, or to the revival of the slave trade, as criminal.” ~karl popper

    • Suzy

      If they hunt deer, and are the actual hunters they pretend to be, they’ve seen some really gay shit happen in that zone.

      Confused as to what is unnatural about it to them. How can people see so much but so little?

    • whitey ford

      to the guy who said duck dynasty is fake. go fuck yourself. i hate fags too and niggers.dont hate because rednecks are making fat cash.its honest money and not drug money that you niggers and fags make. and all the aids you fags spread . power to the white people. thanx

  2. Kobrakei

    Holy shit Fish, are you sure you’re in the right job? Cos this is some pretty amazing stuff that needs a bigger audience than (an excellent breast filled) gossip blog

    • blerg

      Fish’s big upcoming secret is he’s getting a tv show. It’ll be called Dr. Fish.

      • Swearin

        Unfortunately, that show will be about a doctor who specializes in treating salmon and other types of fish for the seafood industry while trying to balance his crazy family life and writing a part-time booby blog. It will become inexplicably popular and then in season 4, one of the stars will say something controversial and it will become this big thing until Photo Boy is found dead from an overdose of pills and the network will just decide to cancel the whole thing.

      • blerg

        It’s ok I don’t have a tv anyway. I just come here for the boobies.

      • blerg

        Or a romantic comedy about a young and recently married gay couple who open a restaurant in Portlandia. It will be called “Fish & Hamm’ and co-starring John Hamm.

  3. Hambo

    Yawn

  4. Cock Dr

    I’d just like to point out that the gays are marrying, right now, it the Morman-land of Utah.
    So the bigots can yap all they want, because on that issue at least they have been beaten like a dirty carpet.

    • Father Dougal

      That awful activist judge who struck down the marriage law is going against God and the constitution. I’m a straight man from Salt Lake City, and I’ve already found myself sucking cock against my better judgment since the decision came down. Three times! And a fourth, if buddy can get his dick hard before his hour is up. Thanks Obama!

  5. “Everyone knows history is written by the winners, but that cliche misses a crucial detail: Over time, the winners are always the progressives. Conservatism can only win in the short term, because society cannot stop evolving (and social evolution inevitably dovetails with the agenda of those who see change as an abstract positive). It might take seventy years, but it always happens eventually. Serious historians are, almost without exception, self-styled progressives. Radical views–even the awful ones–improve with age.” Chuck Klosterman

  6. “Hate won this battle.” So dramatic. Change the channel.

  7. JJ

    Discrimination? To be discriminated against you must be denied something or otherwise harmed for an unjust reason. The only person in this situation that happened to is Phil Robertson. So, we are free to speak our minds and have our own beliefs, unless we are Christians (BTW – I’m NOT) or our beliefs don’t fit your mold? You need to look up the word, “ignorant”, then look in the mirror while you think about it. I don’t agree with anything he said, but I respect his right to say it, and I expect him tho respect me when I say differently. That’s what’s RIGHT with America, people responding to all of this like you are is what’s WRONG with America!

    • blerg

      I had no idea that being on cable tv was a right, what part of the Constitution is that in and when is my turn?

      • CsirhC

        Well, he is being denied employment [by A&E] due to his religious beliefs, so…

        It’s only O.K. because Robertson is not part of a legally defined Protected Class and cannot claim aggrieved status in a claim against A&E. That is, assuming LA is and EOE state…

      • blerg

        He is not being fired for being a Xtian, he is being suspended for a negative PR disaster. I’m 100% positive that A&E has Xtian believers who are still employed and out of that “religious closet”.

      • Because of a contract he signed… so… technically we should be making internet memes for ignored contracts. They’ll have old timey cars on them with Duck Dynasty in the passenger seats and the big white letters will say “Breach is the word”. Something hilarious like that.

      • BoredWithRealityTV

        A&E is a business. I’m guessing there is a clause in his contract that says if he embarrasses the company or does anything that may cause them to lose sponsorship they can release him from his contract. Being on TV is not a right. If he signed his contract then he agreed to govern himself by it’s provisions. He did this to himself.

      • Swearin

        I’m not a legal expert but doesn’t that just apply when being considered for employment? They can’t say “Hey, you’re a Christian, so we don’t want to hire you.” Granted, a company could still believe that, but if they never say or admit it as the reason, it can never be proven that’s why employment was denied.

        Nor are they saying “Hey Phil Robertson, you’re a Christian/conservative? Well then, you’re fired because of that.” They suspended him because 1) he made a derogatory statement against others (especially gay A&E employees, technically his coworkers) and 2) he said something that might hurt the network’s bottom line, and I have no doubt that bit was in his contract. #1 could might have been excused as his GQ interview was “off the clock”, except for the fact that his contract probably states that anything DD-related is still under the jurisdiction of the job.

        Just think of it this way: let’s say you work for a textile company, and there are black employees in your office and you say “It is my belief that all of you should be working in the fields picking our cotton and processing it without pay, instead of the machines our company uses.” If they fire you, you could claim it as your beliefs (“and the Bible said slavery was okay!”) but you also just discriminated against others and the company can fire you (and have the legal right to do so) before those black employees decide to file a lawsuit against the company for continuing to employ the person that openly admits to believing them to be lesser people.

      • JC

        Duh, it’s the eleventy-seventh Ammendment to the Constitution: “No one shall deny you bountiful employment on magic picture boxes of the future, even if you engage in behavior that breaks a legal contract you signed.”

        It’s also in the Bible. I believe it’s Mark, Chapter 23, Verse 7, that reads, “And lo, Jesus said, ‘Get your hate on, bros! For God loves that shit, and that’s in no way contradictory to everything else I have said. Seriously, I was totally kidding about that ‘Love they neighbor’ crap. Forget I said it. But here’s a fun twist: God is TOTALLY enforcing that b.s. about wearing clothes of mixed fabrics (Deuteronomy 22:11), so all you who ignored that one and enjoy the sin of a cotton-wool blend is going to hell! GOT YA!”

      • Rasputin's Evil Twin

        You didn’t get the memo? Someday we’re all going to obligated to be on a reality show, and there’s nothing you can do to get out of that. Even whatever you do to try and get away, will be aired.

    • Convex

      Fish is an ignorant bigot, capable of seeing things only from his twisted, liberal perspective. His opinions are predictable, tiresome, and he fancies himself some kind of enlightened cultural leader.

      He has a lot in common with the likes of Perez Hilton, Al Sharpton, and Jesse Jackson, all of whom are self-indulgent, delusional windbags. He is like every other vapid nobody out there who decides he’s a relevant intellectual.

      Fish should be glad he doesn’t work for me, because if he did, he’d be unemployed. He spews more liberal poison than most others I’ve read/heard, and if he had half the brains he thinks he does, it would occur to him that he is a bully and a hypocrite.

      I love him when he keeps it light and fun. He’s too much of an intellectual lightweight to pull off serious commentary, largely because he’s too shallow to see anything from any perspective but his own.

      • Being a liberal is being twisted? Suffragists were liberals. Civil Rights leaders were liberal. 50 years from now the people defending Phil Robertson will be looked at with the same judgement as the people protesting integration of schools in the 60s.

      • Dox

        Not like you Convex, who immediately embraces all points of view, and gives them merit.

      • Willie Dixon

        Sarah Plain, you’re drunk.

      • So who exactly twists you arm to come here and read Fish’s website…
        As for intellectual lightweights stop projecting and looking in that mirror.

      • What was that, Ted Cruz? We were too busy laughing at the $$$ this site earns from your visits.

        So, Ted, how are things in your birth country? Gay marriage is legal I see. Healthcare for the poor at no cost to them? Seems to work fine. Gun laws being followed and respected? Check. English is not the #1 official language where you’re from? Get outa here. Minorities making up the majority of the country’s population? Not hearing any complaints. 30% of your birth countries citizenry are Christian compared to America’s 80%? How ’bout that? Even it’s conservatives in government have no use for religion I hear. Shocking!

        I wonder if Fox news is aware of all this – Ted. Better be careful or you’ll get Chris Christied.

        Ted Cruz – a REAL uh…conservative? Don’t forget – Sarah Palin’s Xmas book will be marked down 80% this weekend.

        Dog Bless us. Every one.

      • sitsdeep

        Convex, bring or carry me something I can respect. You did not refute one of Fish’s statements, not one. I am probably an intellectual lightweight for responding to this post, I have no problem acknowledging my shortcomings. However, I am fully aware that each person on this planet has only one life to live, and, I personally do not wish to hinder their right to love and happiness. Don’t even pull the bullshit about criminal behavior, if you have half a brain you know I am not talking about that.

      • I think we’re all glad we don’t work for you.

    • JJ

      For the record – I’m saying nobody was “Discriminated” against, and all Phil Robertson did was speak his mind. I honestly couldn’t care less if A&E fires him, it’s their business and they can run it how they see fit. If it’s a good business decision then the market will reward them for it. I’m not defending his views, and I don’t agree with them, I am just saying that the hypocrites who are blasting him for his views are what’s wrong with America in my opinion. When they are through telling him he can’t express his views they’ll move on to someone with different views and keep going until they get to you and me. Political Correctness is a curse on this country, and it’s totally passive aggressive.

    • Did you hear that whoosing sound that went over your head?

  8. greg

    Its funny watch two groups constantly battle who is more enlighten……… When they both look like fools……then again, I guess you I have to constantly talk about this to generate web hits. I know that’s why TmZ exsist.

    • One group wants freedom for all regardless of skin color, gender, or sexual orientation.

      The other has tried to use a 2,000-year-old historically suspect book to take away basic human rights.

      But, no, you’re right. Both look like fools.

      • “Freedom for all,” accept for thoughts and beliefs.

      • blerg

        Nobody is calling for Santorum McDuck to be hauled into jail or civilly penalized.

      • I love when people don’t understand why exactly they’re upset, but being exposed for their idiocy doesn’t stop said idiocy. Thanks, Liam.

      • Dox

        “Freedom for all (fixed) except for thoughts and beliefs.”

        Your right to exercise your thoughts and beliefs ends when they infringe on the basic civil liberties of another member of our country.

        Nobody told Roberston he what to think. He can continue to go about and do sermons like he did in 2010, that advocate hatred for Gay people. (And if you seriously think it doesn’t, then you obviously have yet to see it.) Nobody has prohibited him from speaking with the press. He can do as many interviews as he desires, provided newspaper’s want to carry his story. The only factual oppression that has occurred is that people still lobby for the open oppression of gay men and women.

        Nobody said you have to agree with it. Nobody said you have to hang out with gay folk. Nobody said you to speak in favor of it. You can be a bigoted, prejudicial, and biased all you want. You can shout bible passages in support of your hatred till your voice gives out.

        But, you will get called on it. Nothing is more American than two individuals with opposing thoughts both voicing their viewpoint. And this is exactly what has happened.

        System working exactly as intended.

      • Yup. I agree. I am simply pointing out that the issue is really just one person’s intolerance colliding with another person’s intolerance. The system is working as intended and that is why excessive hyperventilating about a person expressing their opinion makes some people roll their eyes. I mean Fish compared Duck Dynasty to Jim Crow.

      • Dox

        Liam- You really need to see the video in which he preaches a sermon. It states gay people are all evil. There is no way to take it out of context.

        It is that exact kind of thought, to dehumanize a segment of the population, to make them less than others that was the very backbone of the Jim Crow laws.

        That’s why you see people making a comparison.

      • Liberals express those feelings about conservatives everyday. The hate is strong with extremists and it doesn’t matter whether they trace their origins back to the peaceful teachings of Noam Chomsky or the baby Jesus.

      • JJ

        “It is that exact kind of thought, to dehumanize a segment of the population” –

        Wait, wait, wait, … Is Phil Robertson a member of the Government or does he have some power or authority that I am not aware of? Does this mean that If I say I hate the rival of my favorite football team then I am open to ridicule and hatred? (Unless the team is the Redskins, of course.) Why is it a big deal if he say’s he thinks something is evil. It’s been said of every president in my lifetime and I don’t think anybody has made this big of a deal about it! This whole argument is silly and I just realized that I am crazy too for participating in it.

        L8a!

      • He didn’t compare Duck Dynasty to Jim Crow. He pointed out that Robertson stated black people were happier before the civil rights movement, when Jim Crow laws were active. THIS WAS A THING THAT HAPPENED.

      • JJ

        How did anything he said infringe upon anyone’s civil liberties?

      • The issue with the left, in my opinion, is that they tend to try to silence people with character assassination tactics. Make no mistake about it, this is a circumvention of the freedom of speech. While it isn’t illegal, because it would be political suicide in this country to even remotely suggest that people not be able to freely speak their opinions, to try to attack and destroy an individual and their livelihood serves no other purpose than to discourage others from saying things that could be deemed “inappropriate.” What Fish is doing, and many others on this site is, while not perpetrated through the state, still an attack on others to express themselves freely. The truth is that they don’t believe that people have the right of Freedom of Speech. They believe that “hate speech”, or the likes of, should be condemned and the individual should be persecuted as such.

      • Oh, fuck off. Gay people have been painted by conservatives as the slippery slope to pedophilia and bestiality for YEARS, so go choke on your big salty “character assassination” crocodile tears.

      • Prime example, Jezzer. All conservatives compare homosexuality to pedophilia and bestiality. The atrocity of those people! Way to condemn the other side through character politics. I’m not pulling this out of my ass, My observations are sound.

      • …..And, the people who do portray gay people as you have stated are ignorant and bigoted. Nowhere in my comment did I condone such behavior. If you feel so strongly that depicting gay people as such, than why condone stereotyping another type of person? Morality is determined by your ability to take the high road. Otherwise, it’s simply angst and vindictiveness masquerading as righteousness.

      • walpole

        Bet you’ll be celebrating that book Wednesday and not updating this garbage blog. This is what happens when a celebrity gossip starts to think he’s actually a celebrity. You act like those you mock.

      • JJ

        I just can’t help but notice how much the so called “progressive” side of this argument resorts to labeling and name calling. Got Hate? You can disagree with someone without attacking them on a personal level can’t you? (Insert obvious personal attack in reply).

        I don’t watch the show, I don’t agree with what he said, I just think all the PCBS is way out of hand.

      • theextremistfish

        Where is this fish character when Iran and other Middle Eastern
        savages kill homosexuals? Not a fucking word is uttered.

        The thought of sticking my cock into some poopy, hairy asshole
        makes me want to throw up. Does this make me a bigot as well?

        This is just more leftists crying, demonizing and drama. If they were
        so worried about the homosexuals, they would be on a constant
        campaign to save them from the hundreds of millions of muslims,
        communist and third world dictators who persecute gays daily.

      • Dox

        Just as kind of an offhand, it took me three days to clear the brandy haze because I was celebrating Christmas the way God intended, drunk, and in a dog pile of men and women (Sadly, everyone was fully clothed…), comment…..

        First off, why would we involve ourselves yet again in the middle east? I mean historically speaking, when has that EVER worked out well for us. I’m just curious how your question about another sovereign countries practices equates to people not being fair to Phil Robertson. So if you could throw me a bone, and maybe explain that convoluted, bizarre logic…. I’d really appreciate it.

        Uh… nobody asked you for gay sex. Well, maybe they did… but you do realize with the right to marry who you want, comes the right to say no. I mean, I’m pretty certain most of the gay people I have ever met aren’t into the whole force straight people to have butt sex with them, just because they are straight. It’s more like the Christians are… force people into marrying who THEY think is appropriate because it offends their 2000 year old book of cultural taboos… handed down from… Savages in the middle east. (There is some serious symmetry there by the way.)

        More leftist crying… right. Like those gigantic quivering pussies that cried about segregation, women’s equality, child labor laws, the creation of the 44 hour work week (Because conservatives have to be told not to work their people to death.)… Damn those liberal, whiny, sand in the vagina, demonizing, sad sacks of shit. How dare they attempt to make life even remotely fair for people in our nation?

        As a final thought on your last sentence….. So what you are suggesting is that if we want marriage equality in the United States we should start a world war with…. Russia, Syria, Iran, and well, anyone at all that has any foreign policy that we disagree with.

        Oh wait, you didn’t mean that kind of campaign? Sorry, I get so confused with Christians. The last campaign they called for in the middle east involved sacking various “holy sites”, enslaving people, stealing culture, raping, pillaging, and murdering all in the name of God, with huge crosses at the forefront of their armies, as they extolled the virtuous to ride forth and destroy the heathen moors. and then treated anyone that wasn’t a Christian as a second class citizen.

        Come to think of it, I do believe I have heard that vary accusation being thrown around by another religious group…

        Who could that be?

    • greg

      Though you seem to be profiting off of Phil/GLAAD or else you wouldn’t be beating the dead horse endlessly…..like a fucking broken record

  9. Fucking Awesome. Nice work, SW

  10. Butt Plugger

    Fish, why do people like you get all your panties in a bunch when somebody doesn’t agree with homosexuality? You talk about the “discrimination against a person’s sexual orientation”. How in the hell do you get discrimination from a guy stating his beliefs? What discriminatory actions did he take out on homosexuals? None! A grown ass reporter asked this grown ass man what his beliefs were and he stated them. How the hell is that discrimination?

    He was taking about sexual immorality in general. He basically classified, homosexuality, bestiality and cheating in the same category in regards to sexual immorality. This goes for straight men who cheat on their wives as well. Those are his beliefs. Maybe all cheating husband should be slamming him too? They asked him what in his mind is sinful, he answered with this “Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men”.

    And by the way, I voted for Clinton twice, voted against Bush twice, and voted for Obama twice. Just wanted to put that out there before you PRE-JUDGE!!!

    • JC

      Here’s the thing, though: What, exactly, is there to “agree” on about homosexuality? Someone being gay has absolutely no impact on a straight person. None. Nobody gets a vote when two consenting adults love each other, straight or gay. It’s like that guy (or girl) at wedding who won’t shut up about how the bride is a whore or the groom isn’t good enough for the bride–those people are assholes, because it’s none of their business.

      Think of it this way: I have Jewish and Muslim friends. When we go out to eat, sometimes I eat pork. They never tell me, “OH YOU DIRTY PIG HOW DARE YOU!?!?” and I never say, “WHY WON’T YOU EAT THE DELICIOUS BACON YOU ASSHOLES!??!” We’re more than happy to leave each other to our own dietary restrictions, or lack thereof. They don’t try to make my bacon-eating illegal. Why should it be any different with love?

      • Butt Plugger

        “Someone being gay has absolutely no impact on a straight person.” You are totally correct on that. And duckman’s beliefs should have no impact on homosexuals as well, right?

        Again, he was asked and he answered with his true beliefs. What if you were ordering pork for your child at the restaurant and then you ask your Muslim or Jewish friends why they don’t let their children eat pork. Let’s say they told you their true beliefs how they think pork is a filthy disgusting animal that they would never let their children eat and don’t understand why you let your child eat it. You might take offense to that. But you know what, you shouldn’t be surprised because you asked them KNOWING they have religious beliefs about this subject.

      • It’s only asking them knowing they have religious beliefs on the subject when you bring up religion and your beliefs. Talking about “What’s wrong with America” could very well have turned into a positive just as quickly as it turned into a negative.

        No one bothered to answer the question, “There may be issues that I feel strongly about, or disagree with, but I have faith that as a nation we’ll come together in unity” or some bullshit like that.

      • But in this scenario, it’s not the reporter firing Robertson. A&E is suspending Robertson for what he told the reporter. And apparently, per the contract Robertson signed but might not understand, that is A&E’s right.

      • Butt Plugger

        slappy magoo…I’m not one of those dumb asses that are crying about “Freedom of Speech”, I get it. He has the right to say what he wants and A&E has the right to let him go.

        What bothers me is that, even in this article, he’s being accused of discrimination. There were many articles written about this subject accusing him of gay bashing, discrimination, etc. Just because somebody’s beliefs don’t line up with another person’s lifestyle does not make them an evil person like so many people are making this guy out to be.

        Everybody has the right to their own beliefs based on sexuality, nationality, religion, etc. He was asked and he answered. If his beliefs don’t line up with yours, it has no impact on your life. If his beliefs do line up with yours, it still has no impact on your life.

        Again, nothing to do with getting fired at A&E, but everybody in this country should be able to truthfully answer any question when asked about their beliefs without having all this personal attack on them like he’s receiving now.

      • Let’s ignore religion, freedom of speech, love between to consenting adults, and all the those details for a moment. Now just envision one man’s penis ejaculating his semen into another man’s anus. The mere thought of that graphic sexual act repulses men and women of all races and backgrounds all over the world. It repulsed people thousands of years ago and it will repulse people a thousand years from now. You can’t fault a person if they find something repulsive. Now before someone calls ME out for being a bigot, just know I am an agnostic that doesn’t give a flying fuck if someone wants to fuck another man, woman, a sheep, or a fucking car (yes, some guys like to fuck cars). BUT, my point is human nature is human nature. Some people mind, some people don’t mind. What I do mind is that A&E pulled the most magnificent media buttfuck on ALL OF US by making this issue the talk of the nation for the past week. Seven days go I had not clue what the fuck Duck Dynasty was, now here I am commenting on something that has no real consequence whatsoever on my life. So kudos to A&E, you magnificent buttfuckers!

      • Dox

        For one moment, lets ignore an anus. Lets realize that sex is body fluid transfer. Lets envision a thick, creamy white discharge intermingled with blood that coats a man’s penis as it ejaculates into the same area that a woman urinates from.

        Sex can be disgusting period. You swap spit. You have vaginal and seminal discharge. You sweat urea all over each other. So lets call it what it is…

        Dual body fluid discharge.

      • Brownie

        WTF did I just read O.o

      • Dox

        You read a reality check.
        The sum total of this argument revolves around people putting their various nuts and berries into other peoples various bushel baskets.

        Realistically speaking every single person who is offended by gay sex seems to have this bizarre vision that hetero sex is somehow mystical, and wonderful, and that when you have an orgasm a white light shoots of your ass straight up to heaven giving you a direct connection with God. And that the act is somehow sacred, and must be preserved.

        I mean lets face it…. its a nasty, sweaty, fluid filled act replete with grunts, groans, a musky smell somewhere between a wet dog, and that nasty ass scent a ferret has. It begins with two self conscious people trying not to project their own fears on one another, while hoping their bait and tackle isn’t either too small, or gapingly wide, doesn’t reek like a tuna boat at high noon, and when they move that they don’t look like some disjointed epilepsy patient in the middle of a Grand Mal Seizure (incidentally, Grand Mal has been removed from Diagnostic books, and replaced with Tonic Clonic motions, I just didn’t want to confuse people…)….

        And ends with the woman somehow managing to look like a lightly sweat dusted angel that is in the middle of a the most rapturous communication of her life, and the guy looks like fucking goofy who just got his first prostate exam.

        And that, my dear friends… is sex. Its not sacred. Its a fucking cosmic joke played on all of you for the amusement of God, who apparently has nothing better to do than judge your sexual activities…. On a side note, how the fuck do people believe that God draws a line in the sand at the Deli counter. I mean seriously people, creator the universe all powerful, and all knowing….but uh, bacon is a major sin? I swear, if there is a God in heaven, he is laughing his cosmic ass of at how gullible you all are.

        I digress….
        Lets regress.

        So yeah. Sex is not sacred. Its just sex.
        It only has meaning when its between two people that love each other.

        And who the fuck do Christians think they are, dictating who can and cannot love each other?

    • I also just have to point out – cheating straight people are not a peer group you want to be a part of either. I don’t think it’s a compliment for any homosexual people to be lumped together with cheating straight people, bestiality enthusiasts, or shitty acoustic guitar players if that’s not what they are. Cheating husbands shouldn’t be slamming him, gays should be slamming cheating husbands!

  11. Deacon Jones

    I would give a fuck about this whole controversy if organized religion was actually thriving and growing. But it’s not. Its dying a slow death, and its going done swinging, but its dying.

    On another note, they just arrested 5 priests in Philadelphia for playing with boys.

    • JC

      I think this is worth paying attention to because organized religion–a bastardized version of Christianity, in this case–still has a stranglehold on American politics, and for the immediate future, it can still affect a lot of people (particularly woman and gays) in a very negative way. This bullshit needs to be called out.

      • Deacon Jones

        I wouldnt call it a stranglehold. At all.

        The GOP is in a downward spiral, they can’t win an election to save their lives, church attendance is at an all-time low, and gay marriage is legal in what, 17 states at this point?

        They’re a dying breed that’s just kicking and screaming.

      • Dox

        Deacon-

        That’s always one thing that really bugged me. A priest goes full on pedophile, and the Church rallies around him. Saying that he can be saved, and that God forgives all.

        But two people of the same sex get married, and they turn into condemnation, fire, brimstone, hell, and hatred on wheels.

        That’s why I have the biggest problem with organized religion. There is no consistency. They preach hatred for gay men and women, but are accepting of murder’s, rapists, etc into their ranks.

        I think that’s why I find Robertson so… dangerous. He encourages an outlook on gay folk that classifies them as evil. He’s even quoted a passage in the bible to support it. If the sum total of all of Christian knowledge is that we are saved because of Christs sacrifice, and that all men and women regardless of what they do, or have done in their lives can gain salvation through Christ, then how do you reconcile that core belief with preaching hatred?

        And it becomes hatred, the minute you say… “The problem with America today is….”

  12. J

    I like how you can go from BOOBIES to deep rational thought in less than 60 seconds. Not that boobies aren’t a rational thought; they’re soft and bouncy, I see the appeal. You’re smart, I enjoy your random bursts of rational eloquence.

  13. teddy

    And here I thought we still had the freedom of speech.

  14. I made this very point on that CultOfDusty video iirc. Christians realize they’re losing ground everyday in America. So they’ll latch onto any asshole who expresses Christian beliefs, no matter how bigoted or stupid it is.

    Enjoy your little bitch fit Christians, the days of religion are numbered.

    • Thanks man. I especially like how you refrained from making broad generalizations about all Christians.

    • Way to lay into those ignorant bigoted hateful assholes…in the most hateful ignorant bigoted way possible. How big IS your blindspot, Don?

    • Dox

      Don, its not Christianity that is bad. It really isn’t. Anymore than any other teachings on life are bad. It’s that somehow in spite of the best efforts of the teacher, the message always seems to get lost in the cultural bullshit of the era.

      The core message of Christianity is acceptance, love, humility, kindness, charity. These are not bad things. But somehow, the organization of the Church focuses on the division, the hatred, the anger, and the condemnation.

      Its part of why I like this Pope so much. (and I really don’t like the Catholic Organization on any given day.) He seems to get that. To lead people back to the ideas of what Christ was saying, of being charitable, forgiving, kind, and reaching out to everyone, regardless of how vast the gulf between two people may seem.

      Isn’t that the whole point of being Christian? To love others, and in doing so, demonstrate that living like Christ, though difficult in a secular world, is possible?

      And if so, why does there seem to be this unquenchable need of Organized religion to support something that is clearly in direct violation of their own tenets?

      • My point about religion’s days being numbered was directed at all religions, not just Christianity. People are acively moving away from all religion. I was simply commenting on the tendency of Christians in America to latch onto people in the media with hateful ideas that use the bible to justify it.

        Dox is right. The core of the Christianity (as Jesus taught it) is love and kindness, but how many Christians in the public eye actually adhere to Jesus’ teachings? I know there are Christians that are peaceful people, but those aren’t the ones we’re presented with on a daily basis.

        The majority of the Christians we see are the hypocritical Sarah Palin and Bill O’Reily types. They are the ones with loudest voices and they’re the ones with the influence. If everytime they said stupid bullshit like this, you guys stood up and said “We don’t support that.” there’d be no issue.

        But you either stay silent or attack the people who point out their hypocrisy, instead of the ones promoting bigotry.

      • Dox

        Don-
        The truth is, people are always a disappointment. They get together to try and do something wonderful and worthwhile and almost invariably there are a small or large group of them that screw it all up. They focus on what divides them, not what bonds them. They focus on the negative and not the positive. Organized religion is no different.

        The simple, undeniable fact, is that faith can’t be found in a book, or a building, or songs. These, inevitably will all fail us, because they are created and maintained by people. And people are wonderfully and horribly flawed.

        One look at my country shows the truth of that. We have people yelling its the liberal’s fault, no its the conservatives. And they never stop to consider that they are all bonded by the exact same basic desires and outlooks. They just get there in different ways. Is one honestly better than the other? Is one inherently more truthful? To some, the yes they answer with is so profound and solid that anyone whom they might have otherwise bonded with, is dismissed as less.

        Don. The truth is…. our similarities far outweigh our differences. Gay or straight, Christian or atheist, American or… Trinidadian (?), we all dream about falling love, about having a career that fulfills us, about leaving behind some kind of legacy.

        And regardless of where Christmas came from, or who coopted whose holidays, the holiday has become about reaching across those differences and connecting with each other. It’s really not so scary.

        So wherever you, have a Happy Holiday Don. You don’t know me. And I don’t know you. But across a few thousand miles, we managed to share a few smiles.

        There might just be hope for the world yet.

      • I wholeheartedly agree. We all try to make each other laugh with our snarky little comments, but people need to be called out when they’re being hypocritical. Happy Holidays to you as well.

  15. Did Phil arrest some gay people? Then how is Phil harming their freedom?

    • AY

      He’s creating a danger zone. When big name assholes like him state their “beliefs” and cause controversy, it creates a huge danger zone for us who are part of LGBT. He may not be personally throwing rocks through anyone’s window or shouting at people in the bar, but this week, it’s his fault. Next week it’ll be someone else’s fault, but a week without having to argue for my own safety would be nice.

    • He’s not harming their freedom. He’s fucking with A&E’s bottom line and a consumer class that view A&E (but probably not that show).

  16. Mohawk Disco

    So, basically they are like the Kardashians just with big beards instead of big asses?

  17. Aggie

    An ideology that clings to the past and attempts to repress change will always fail in an ever progressing world.

  18. Really? To the people portraying this man as being persecuted for voicing his Christian beliefs. Really? Him? This is the man you want representing you? This is the man you want to make an martyr for your religion?
    There has been this frightening trend since the election of President Obama to put people like Phil Robertson and Sarah Palin on a pedestal because they speak their mind. Some see it as refreshing; a step away from a overly sensitive PC society. I think its just an excuse. An excuse to support public racism and homophobia. Disgusting.

    This is my first post on this site. I’ve been reading for a while since I linked here from Dlisted a few weeks ago. (Hi Fish!).

  19. oh brother . . .

    i would seriously recommend refraining from any/all posts that include “i,” “i’m,’ or “me.” someone’s catching a serious case of the “perez hiltons” (i.e. venue/magnitude-of-audience v. people-that-give-two-craps-about-my-personal-feelings do not a perfect corrollary make). nevertheless, you CAN very easily, and very much be against gay marriage AND not be a bigot if you subscribe to the well-settled premise that marriage (which, at its very core, is a religious sacrament) is not (and, thus shouldn’t be confused for) a constitutionally recognized “right,” at a minimum, vis a vis the federal constitution. or, do you not believe in the “separation of church and state” (funny enough, a principle also not appearing anywhere in the federal constitution). civil unions for all i says (heterosexual and homosexual alike). that’s putting your money where your mouth is (and boy, would it ever bring a clean end to all this garbage).

    • Dox

      Allow me to direct your attention to the first amendment…

      “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment or religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof….”

      Adopted in 1791 as one of the ten commandments that make up the Bill of Rights.

      Regal me again with how there is no separation of church and state…..

      That seems awfully fucking clear to me.

  20. Any one remember the “good ole days” when if you espoused liberal/progressive views such as the commie rabble rousing idea that lynching uppity negros was probably not very enlightened would result in the reactionaries shouting “move to Russia if you don’t like it”? Well given that Russia is now going after those with limp wrists, it seems fair and right that who it should be now that “should move to Russia if they don’t like it”.

    • Butters

      How far back are your progressive “Good Old Days”? Like the first elected progressive president, Woodrow Wilson, an admitted racist and segregationist?

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woodrow_Wilson#African_Americans

      • You mean like David Llewelyn Wark “D. W.” Griffith who gave us “Birth of a Nation” to show us the utter depravity and savagery of the coloreds? YOU know he was just like Woody in that he espoused for the “common man”? D.W., again like Woody, was opposed to the big trusts cause they oppressed the “common man” (common WHITE man that is). And D.W., also like Woody, believed those coloreds should not mix with good righteous white women. Did I mention that D.W. and Woody were both southerners? You know, just like Unca phil?

      • Appeals to the progressive glory days are always amusingly selective.

  21. Smith

    Right on, friend. I love when you get serious for a sec and speak the truth.

  22. There’s more to the interview than what’s been quoted so often, in which he also states that he won’t turn anyone away, and admits he was a sinful adulterer himself. The quotes chosen were chosen to incite morons to overreact, because recent incidents like the Trayvon Martin moron-a-thon prove that people care much more about being seen to be deeply passionate than to do 3 minutes of reading and make sure they know what they’re talking about.

    Once again, everyone involved has gotten played…Fish included.

    • Sssshhhhhhhhh…..the truth isn’t as profitable.

    • Yeah, but his “he won’t turn anyone away” is extremely half-assed, much like Mrs. Lovejoy saying judgment is not her job but for a vengeful God to decide. It’s clear what he thinks ought to happen and will happen and he seems to think his not being the person to cas them in a pit of fire is the same as loving thy neighbor. That, combined with his comments about never having seen unhappy black folk in the South while working on the farms just displays an amazing tone-deafness that A&E has the right to decide shouldn’t represent their network…even though, let’s face it, they’ll cave after Christmas and probably give Robertson a raise and his own spinoff.

      • I agree A&E has a right to do whatever their contractual obligations allow. But we all know that they will side with money. Even if they are deeply offended liberals at A&E they will always choose money.

  23. Progress

    How is it that everyone seems to be missing a very important fact. As far as I know Duck Dynasty is not aired live (altho Ive actually never seen an episode). A&E films the show, edits the footage together, and puts it on the air. They knew exactly what he said before they put it in the episode. If they didnt like it they could have just edited it out. Instead they aired it and suspended him for it. Why.. because they knew it would get ratings from people like you freaking out about it.

    • Max

      Um, speaking of missing things, you might be interested to know that this wasn’t on the show, it was a magazine interview.

  24. flaT

    “Everyone who doesn’t support homosexuality and gay marriage IS homophobic.”

    lolwut.’

    There’s a difference between support and indifference. I do not support homosexuality, but I am indifferent to it. If people want to be gay for it – but I don’t agree with it and I don’t like it. I am not a bigot, I am not homophobic and I do have gay friends; but saying that just because I don’t support homosexuality, does not imply I am against it, or that I am homophobic. It just means I don’t support it. I don’t go out supporting straight people being straight either… Ridiculous argument is ridiculous.

    • ” I do not support homosexuality… I am indifferent to it.”

      “If people want to be gay for it – but I don’t agree with it and I don’t like it. I am not a bigot, I am not homophobic…”

      “lolwut.”

  25. Butters

    1. This idea that Christianity has some lock on being anti gay is foolish. (As an aside, if you say organized religion is dying, then why did you care whether you getting into a fictional heaven or hell anyway?)

    2. More importantly other states are actually passing real anti gay legislation, such as atheistic Russia. These are real and repressive laws, not some idiot on a reality TV show.

    3. Not to mention Muslim states where they don’t even have homosexuality, or at least that is what their former presidents said.

    4. This idea the progressism will always reign in the future is native. I am sure that is the kind of thinking going on Rome when the Visigoths were storming the gates. 500 years of Dark ages followed…

  26. 1138

    Damn! You really do a wonderful job on your pop culture/political writing. I know you always get inundated by people complaining about just wanting more boobs and butts, and mind you, I don’t mean you should stop that part! But you really do have a way with the words on the more serious stuff, and I really like reading it.

  27. The Pope

    As in most cases, George Carlin said it best: “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

  28. I don’t know if anyone will read this because it’s at the bottom but here’s a question.
    If gay marriage were legal in all 50 states, could that Duck guy have said what he said and that not be considered “hate” ?
    In my opinion, gays are getting a little out of hand throwing around the word “hate”. Maybe they should ask black people in Alabama in the 1960s about hate. Or Jews in Germany in the 1940s. I don’t think a hillbilly saying he doesn’t agree with gay marriage constitutes as “hate”

  29. Hugh Evers

    Christian hate is completely rational… yet, some left wing extremists are trying to eradicate Christian judgement on non-believers. Not wanting you to have sex with beasts, or any boy kissing, and that is too much… what…. truth? The word of Phil. Watch him now. He won’t back down. This dude might become president.

  30. Oh my God this place is getting as bad as Todd at IDLYITW for the good of all of us cut the crap and just show us Tits and ass pictures (which is all this site is good for) low brow humor and other nonsensical stuff, You guys from time to time try to uplift yourselves out of the muck you are deep rooted in and try to sound like “hard hitting, deep think journalists” but right underneath this soapbox diatribe is a story of miranda kerrs nipple, its like going into a strip joint because you love the dj’s taste in music, so get off of it Superficial “journalist” and get back to putting out what people really come to this site for, Tits and ass and Low brow humor

    • Johnny Barbells

      “its like going into a strip joint because you love the dj’s taste in music” …ok, fuck this guy’s whining and insults, but, that was a great line!

  31. tubthumper

    your ignorance in writing your manifesto is equal to the ignorance you claim to decry. You cast aspersions for “christians” picking and choosing which passages of the bible to use in propagating their “Hate speech” yet you turn around and do the very same thing with your “turn the other cheek” quote and your “rich man in the kingdom of heaven”.. both used out of context both serving as a huge indication of your own ignorance in biblical passages. .. The bottom line is that Phil and his whole family are religious, “christian” people. and the bible clearly states in any context you want to use it that homosexuality is a sin.. no ifs ands or buts.. it is printed in black and white. Therefore if having the opinion that homosexuality is a sin is “hateful”, then the bible, a book that has transformed the face of this planet for thousands of years, is the origin of said hate. Branding someone hateful for an opinion based on their religious beliefs is a very vicious cycle. In tearing them down for their hateful, intolerant beliefs you yourself are being, hateful and intolerant. You consider yourself more enlightened and a better person for your open attitude and acceptance of homosexuality and all the rights they deserve.. yet demonstrate closemindedness and oppression of those who hold differing opinions, based on their religion, which they are free in this country to exercise. Viewing those with what you brand as “homophobic” actions, speech, behavior. as LESS THAN. You and your self righteous opinions are simply Phil Robertson dressed up in politically correct clothes. You’re no better or more enlightened than people you brand as simple or ignorant. You’re exactly the same.

    • Get off the soapbox, they are a family of hypocrites.
      Perhaps you missed the cult of dusty video….
      Maybe you should watch it then apologize….

    • stan

      No, the bible does not say homosexuality is sinful. It says MSM is sinful. And then most Christian doctrines also apply that to all gay/alternative/”disordered” sex.

      Homosexual orientation is a natural tendency to committing these “disordered” sex acts. I know several gay people who believe gay sex is wrong, don’t have gay sex, and therefore do not break the “no gay sex” rule.

      There are two main problems here: first, that so many people, including preachers, don’t understand their own doctrine and just accept the stereotype that everyone who is gay has gay sex.

      And second, that sinners (we are all sinners) are willing to cast the first stone and judge everyone else for their sins, or worse, for their natural tendencies, instead of showing the universal love for which Christ calls. Cause if you want to judge everyone who disagrees with you on morality as a criminal, then you’d better be right. Every time. Or the real Judge will come after you.

  32. Stinkfinger

    Man you guys are getting over the top with the political posts. When I go to a strip club I don’t expect the bartender to be rambling on about PEETA or food hormones.

    Silence peasant… and bring me another titt!!

  33. The cult of Dusty take down was just pure win, great stuff Fish.

  34. Margaret

    FUckin rednecks are the worst.

  35. Summer

    I’m so sick and tired of the over political correctness madness that has become America. It’s his religious belief that putting your penis in another mans butt is immoral. WHO CARES what his opinion is? He feels the same way about adulterers, liars, etc. Why is being gay such a touchy subject? If you are so insecure that someone else’s beliefs, that you may or may not go to heaven/hell, gets your panties in a bunch, that is your problem. I know guys that don’t date blondes. Should I be mortally wounded because I’m blonde? They’re bigots, those blonde haters!! WTF America. Grow up.

  36. Racetrack

    Holy shit that article was retarded, I’m done visiting this shit site, it used to be a gossip site, now it’s turned into MSNBC/Reddit.

    >muh atheism
    >muh neo-liberalism
    >god i’m so fucking progressive

    No one cares about your take on political things fish, it’s like a DJ talking about his personal problems instead of playing music.

    • I just skipped over the article – comments are fucking hysterical. Old P-Roberts has the internet on fire because, shocker, he is as socially backwoods as he looks. BFD, WfC, [insert misanthropic acronym].

      Back to real work, crotch shot monkey SW!

    • Serious question: Why have at least three people made the DJ analogy? I’m genuinely asking because I’ve never seen that before and now suddenly it’s every other post.

      • These posts remind me of DJ Tanner from Full House.

      • If i may. People listen to radio DJs for some quirky commentary between songs and to tell me who the artist is who sang the previous song. Also, give my some free tickets to some shitty concert every so often. People come to The Superficial to see celebrities in bikinis and Alexander Skarsgard alongside a catchy soundtrack (fucking genius, BTW). We don’t know the DJ, much like we don’t know the blog writer, yet the personal connection there is established through regular interactions. People get this way with movie stars, athletes, and musicians. When a personality decides to step up on a soapbox and rant, it inevitably alienates part of said personalities’ fanbase. Most professionals who rely on securing a solid audience for their income chose not to do this. While your opinion on these political topics is your right. Politics are not why many choose to frequent this site and you are alienating a certain part of your fanbase.

        The DJ equivicable

      • The DJ equivocation is due to readers seeing this site turning into a medium for the blogger to entertain his own political ranting when the site’s theme has always been quirky commentary.

      • I think they mean they come to this site for fun and entertainment, and look at beautiful women, not to have serious discussion about politics or religion.

      • Mel

        So people are complaining because they took down the tits and forced you to click on the bearded one? Got it…

      • Not quite, Mel. They are complaining because nobody cares, not want’s to hear about Fish’s political bantering and complaining.

      • Dox

        So if nobody cares, then why does this have 145 comments, and the tits have less than 20……

      • Because Name (Visible) is a LYING WHORE.

      • Realky, Jezzer? Engage me on an intellectual level and I will expose you as the misinformed, ignorant, and unknowledgeable person that you are. Lying whore? Wow! Fifth grade politics, at best.

      • Dox

        Not that I’m agreeing you’re a whore, but uh….

        theoretically if you were, how much would you charge, and do you travel?

      • I’d be reasonably priced. Under no circumstances would I accept EBT or SNAP cards, however, as I don’t believe that the America taxpayers should have to pay for anybody’s paid piece of ass. Also, I am wholeheartedly opposed to male anus penetration and only am available to female vagine. FUCK! Does that make me a homophobe?

      • No, it just makes you a smarmy douche for bringing it up when it wasn’t even on the table.

      • Name(Visible)

        Jezzer, Jezzer, Jezzer……*sigh*

  37. John

    “At least five times with the Arian and the Albigensian, with the Humanist sceptic, after Voltaire and after Darwin, the Faith has to all appearance gone to the dogs. In each of these five cases it was the dog that died.” – G. K. Chesterton

  38. Jenn

    I still wonder why anyone gives two shits wtf Phil Robertson thinks about anything gay, straight or otherwise.

    I think he stole the design for that duck call, but that’s a different story, involving my mother talking smack about him at the dinner table. I only half listened. Sorry.

  39. Kronaz

    This website’s idiotic views aren’t worth the arguments they cause, you idiots just sit there arguing back and forth, and every time you have to come back to the page to defend your arguments, the page loads more ads and Fish makes more money. He does this shit on purpose and everyone falls for it (yes, even me, since I’m typing this).

    • Bob

      At least he isn’t a yuppie who let his hair and beard grow in order to appeal to the lowest common denominator.

  40. The “anti-duck” crowd on this site has spewed more hate than anything Robertson has said. Just sayin’.

  41. stan

    We never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love ’em, give ’em the good news about Jesus—whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ’em out later, you see what I’m saying? I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different than me.
    –Phil Robertson

    Now, Mr. Robertson has also made some comments that were full of incredible prejudice and ignorance, on, among other things, homosexuality, homosexual activity, alcohol use, and race. The source of that problem (i.e. prejudice and ignorance) doesn’t mean there is no problem, but we’re fighting it the wrong way. We don’t fight ignorance with hatred (that is, hatred of the ignorant), but with outreach and proper education.

    People don’t get to be prejudiced because they are bad human beings. Mr. Robertson probably has very little culpability in the things he is saying about gay and black people; this evil comes mostly from errors in culture and education. For example, Robertson is a fundamentalist Protestant from the American South. The comments he has made about gay sex show that he: 1) doesn’t know what homosexuality is or how it works (cultural prejudice and an incomplete education) 2) cannot understand why people would want to have sex in alternative, “unnatural” ways, and (Southern isolationism) 3) does not understand or interpret correctly the Christian objection to MSM and other alternative sex. (Fundamentalism corrupting Christian doctrine)

    Despite how skewed these prejudices are, as well as the comments they spawn, and despite how outspoken Mr. Robertson seems to be about his views, he seems to be pretty tolerant of everyone who differs from him. The opening quote reeks of nothing but tolerance, universal love, and the true Christian message. Normally, when some snide, Evangelical or Baptist preacher goes up to rant (for no particular, apparent reason) about homosexuality, I am turned off because I hate intolerance; I hate conservatism; I hate preaching on a topic about which you know nothing. They tend to get in your face about it, too.

    But Robertson didn’t do that. He was asked, “What about gay sex?” and he said he didn’t like it, and he honestly said why (ignorant as it may have been), and then he said that he doesn’t love people who have gay sex or gay tendencies any less because he is not the Judge. I think Francis was showered with compliments earlier this year for doing something very similar. And now Mr. Robertson is fired. Sure, A&E had the legal right to fire him for publicizing his views—kind of like how in some places you can still fire someone for publicizing their sexual orientation. As I recall, that was the US Army’s policy not too long ago—but doing either one of these is wrong.

    Tl;dr: The point here is that Robertson says gay sex and drunkenness are bad, but he still loves gays and alcoholics, he does not violate their liberty, and he tries not to judge. That is called tolerance and liberalism—the Christian Way. You, Fish, think a duck hunter’s political/religious views are disgusting, so you denounce him on your popular news medium, and you support him losing his job on a duck-hunting program because his audience can hear his disgustingly tolerant message. And no matter how progressive you claim to be, that is called intolerance and fascism.

    • stan

      edits: not fired yet, just suspended–my apologies.

      also: “and” before “3)” in the second paragraph

  42. Logic

    This can’t be good for website traffic…
    #JustSaying

  43. eh

    The Western mental masturbation always cracks me up. The “conservatives” want taxes 3% than the “liberals” and want to fight the same war 20% differently. Both sides loves seeing more people in prison., Fish has been praying for Lohan to be imprisoned for years. But everybody has recourse to such lofty pretenses, the Bible, universal justice. Each side thinks history is going to lionize them. History will see all these people as pissants fighting among the luxury of a decadent and vile empire.

  44. Ripley's Believe It Or Not

    Vegetable rights & peace.

  45. fuckall

    Pile of cunts.

  46. JoeSchmoe

    I stopped after aligning “‘If we lose our morality, we will lose our country.” with only gay people.

    Jesus Christ man stick to humor and work on your own family’s thoughts that don’t line up with yours….and good luck with that.

  47. duhhhhhh

    Everyones pain and tears are delicious…and the queer and wacko butthurt is hilarious. You’re 1.8% of the country gays. You’re not entitled to shit.

    • Dox

      So what you’re saying is that being a minority in the country means you are not entitled to equal protection under the law…..

      That might be a dangerous precedent to set…. I can envision all sorts of ways that might go wrong.

  48. Please, Lord. Oh please, ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease…..!!! Please let one of the Duck Dynasty family members get caught with a duck caller up their anus…..on camera. Still photos or video – I don’t care. This has been a grim year and I need the laugh.

  49. hairy_testicles

    last i checked the bible is more like 1500 years old, and was writen by MAN, not god, and the stories, and what not that were written were passed down verbally over the 500+ years. now you want to tell me those stories that were passed down, were never changed? at all?

  50. DarthBuddy

    “The Dude does not approve your lifestyle choice”

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