Petra Nemcova and Sean Penn: I don’t even know

Petra Nemcova and Sean Penn were spotted together at Elton John’s Oscar after-party. I was there and it was a blast until Jack Nicholson had sex with an ice sculpture. Then it was the greatest party known to man. Anyway, Petra used to date James Blunt and now she’s on to Sean Penn. I guess she likes dudes who are ugly as sin. That counts me out because I’m as beautiful as, uh, non-sin? I dunno. I tried to look up “non-sin” in the Bible but my hands started burning. Mostly because my roommate was pouring acids on my hands. It’s his way of letting me know we’re out of beer. He’s good people.

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