Peter Sarsgaard knocks up Maggie Gyllenhaal, marries her

April 12th, 2006 // 71 Comments

Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are engaged and pregnant. I’d elaborate, but that’s pretty much all there is to it. Except that Peter Sarsgaard is also … her twin brother! Bum bum bum!!! Sorry, that was totally inappropriate. I just wish life were more exciting sometimes.


  1. Jayne

    you know what they say.. ugly people make beautiful children

  2. St.Minutia

    My cat had a hairball today. You can read hairballs like tea leaves if you know what to look for. This one said this story is boring.

  3. kenniem

    WTF? Has birth control become a foreign concept in Hollywood???

  4. BarryBonds

    I cant beleive he stuck his dick in that

  5. BarryBonds


  6. PapaHotNuts

    I can’t comment on this story because I can’t spell either one of their last names, but here goes nothin:

    Peter Sasquachtergaurd and Maggie Brokebacksbrother.

    Fuck it, I’m drunk anyway.

  7. heifferzzz

    #7 LOL!

  8. CheekyChops

    I hope the kid starts learning to spell Sarsgaard Gyllenhall when it gets out of the womb otherwise it’s gonna suck in kindergarten.

  9. They will probably name the little turdling something hideous, like Odin or Frigga just to say “look how Norse we both are” as if all the fucking AAs in their name didn’t give it away. They’ll also hyphenate the kids last name as a cruel joke too.

    If they wanted to be really cool though, they could name the kid Tom Cruise Likes The Cock Sarsgaard-Gyllenhaal.

  10. sjb16

    Yeah does anybody find it kinda weird that Jake G. is around so many girls with saggy tits. He looks to be in pretty good shape and with all that money you’d think he would choose to surround himself w/ women who wear bras. Maybe he’s some sort of curse. We shall call him the “Tit Sagger”.

  11. Fisher55

    Peter Sarsgaard totally cruised me in a club once when he was only *semi-* semi-famous, and i’m a guy. He and Mags obviously have an arrangement involving a turkey baster, latex gloves, and a bottle of gin.

  12. Fisher55

    “Tom”-cruised me?

  13. Hara

    LOL at 62.

    for some reason this feels pertinent:

    You know if they weren’t related he never would have brought her to a public event. She just has that pad posture goofy look.

    Congratulations to her on getting married. I wish them the best. You know, since she’s too ugly for acting.

  14. S mack

    You post at Rotten Tomatoes, don’t you?

  15. kitty_kat

    #29- Sorry, missed your sarcasm. Lighten up.

  16. Star Maker Machinery

    Sarsgaard is so gay, his anus leaks sugar.

    This guy needs some hardcore pounding.

  17. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Hey, I just took a second look at that picture and I demand to know what great aunt Tillie is doing with that queer French cheese monger pirate.

  18. gogoboots

    I wonder whose last name will be taken, or maybe it’ll be hyphenated, then people will start abbreviating the poor tyke’s name and they’ll never know he’s related to a Gyllenhaal (or however you spell it, whew!)

  19. URalllosers

    Are you for real? That post was so desperate. Yeah dude, he was totally checking you out. Whatever gets you through the day.

    Please don’t share your lame fantasies with us.

  20. Fisher55

    and once URalllosers tried to fuck me, gross

  21. Blancmange is really nasty

    Damn … the Sarsgaards are spreading in TV, movies like a — uh, hmmm … like … well, I don’t know what like, but Peter and his eldest brother Alexander and their goddamn father Stellan are, like, in every other fookin’ video presentation ever made on this planet. And now a young Peter is spreading his genes (ie, germs) to another generation. No, not Generation Kill. That’s Alexander and his entourage. No, not that Entourage.

    And Maggie Gyllenhaal looks like a grandmother already — the sweet grandmother with five bodies buried under the petunias in her backyard. How can she be younger than me and already look like shit?

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