Peter Sarsgaard knocks up Maggie Gyllenhaal, marries her

April 12th, 2006 // 71 Comments

Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are engaged and pregnant. I’d elaborate, but that’s pretty much all there is to it. Except that Peter Sarsgaard is also … her twin brother! Bum bum bum!!! Sorry, that was totally inappropriate. I just wish life were more exciting sometimes.


  1. Congrats to the happy couple. :)

  2. Grphdesi23

    How wonderful…..they’re making a family the traditional way.

    Besides, he’s a hottie!

  3. panda5

    that’s a hell of a lazy eye..

  4. tuben

    Who knocked up who?
    Should I have some idea of who these skraggly lookin people are?

  5. hotwax

    Id spank that! like in the secretary…

  6. Akapee

    The husband should be called Tight Eyez and she should be called Junior Tight Eyez

  7. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    “The Secretary” inspired me to apply for my current job, but my boss didn’t get it when I brought in the saddle and carrots. I played it off and told him it was my lunch, and then I had to eat a saddle. My boss is such a hard-ass.

  8. hotwax

    leave a pair of nip clamps on his desk and he will get the idea …

  9. That is going to be one ugly child.

  10. I hope she has a waterbirth and lives in happiness

  11. Charlaurz McHall

    Life is exciting, you obviously have not seen the new Kate Moss sculpture yet;

  12. He’s a good guy.

    He’ll treat her right.

    Congrats to them.

  13. BrendaPayne

    The only two semi-famous people with Scandinavian double A’s in their last name manage to get married. Coincidence? I think not.

  14. kitty_kat

    Actually #2, the traditional way would have been for them to get married (not engaged) before they got pregnant.
    Still, congrats to them both.

  15. colormeskanky

    Maggie is awesome, I love her. She’s a breath of fresh air in what has become the toxic waste dump of young Hollywood.

  16. krisdylee

    Maybe she’ll brush her hair before the wedding.

  17. Trotter

    Where am I? Isn’t the The Superficial? These people are FUGLY! I mean, Jake and Heath make a better looking couple than these two stoner dirtbags.

  18. krisdylee

    Jake and Heath givin’ it to each other turn me ON…..

  19. Beeyotch

    #17: Haha! I was just about to point out that now the Federline spawn will have some competition for the Ugliest Celebrity Baby crown and title.
    I mean, God alive! Both their eyes are so droopy, I’ve got $20 that says their kid will look like a bassett hound. And that in the next celebrity generation, ugly will be the new pretty.

  20. Star Maker Machinery

    She’s horribly overrated/fugly and he’s limp in the wrists. Are they going to name their kid “Beard Jr.”?

  21. krisdylee

    and to all you love-happy whores, if you can’t say something mean, don’t say nothin’ at all.

  22. colormeskanky

    Maggie is totally gorgeous! And Peter ain’t bad either. But I agree that Jake and Heath do make a cute couple.

  23. Italian Stallion

    I don’t no why, but I would love to knock that stupid smirk off that dudes face, and actually I’d probably smack the shit out of her too. I guess just for the hell of it…..

    P.S. Hitting women is not funny unless of course they brag about how rich they are or they forget to tell you they have the herpes and or name their children Apple and Moses!!

  24. BubbaHoTep

    Well, I hope that if they are really brother and sister, society welcomes and accepts them. Think of how much happier a world with incest would be – Angelina Jolie would finally be able to marry the love of her life, Bushes and Kennedys would never have to mix their pure blood with inferior genes; the list goes on and on. Think – if Kennedys didn’t have to marry outside the family, Schwarzenegger wouldn’t be the governor of California! Go Incest!

  25. Trotter

    Really. All this flattery bullshit is absurd. Who the hell do you people think you are? NewGuy and Katie? Makes me sick. Go eat some drano.

    Oh, and Krisdylee & Beeyotch, I look just like Heath. So hot I can’t look at myself in the mirror without sportin wood.

  26. mamacita


    “So hot I can’t look at myself in the mirror without sportin wood.

    Dude! Me too!!! Is that wrong? You know, since I’m a girl?

  27. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    #26 – Not if it’s in your mouth. At least thats what those frat boys told me.

  28. Trotter

    And wet. Don’t forget hot and wet. Which neither Peter nor Maggie could imagine, considering they’re obviously unfamiliar with the concept of “showering”…

  29. Grphdesi23

    #14–I’m guessing you don’t detect sarcasm very well.

    I still appreciate the education, though. I, too, got lost in the system and missed the day they taught that concept.

  30. Grphdesi23

    What the odds they’ll name their baby something crazy.

    My vote is for Jack Nasty Sarsgaard-Gyllenhaal.

  31. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    Have you ever seen how SAGGY her boobs are? Never seen a picture where she wasn’t close to kicking them. She’s be able to throw ‘em over her shoulder (like a Continental soldier) by the time she’s done having kids! She obviously has no concept of the word *whispers* support bra.

  32. I hate the way Maggie looks. her breasts are unpleasant. it is like she purposely wears clothes that drag her tits down to her knees. Jake clearly got all the good looking genes in that family.

  33. Be real, that’s Kirsten Dunst with that guy who is one of the shittiest actors ever.

  34. Equalparts


    Maggie always looks JBF’d. Ever notice that?

  35. I love K-fed's Corn Rolls

    Lazy eye’s all the way around!

    They are so boring, she’s never gonna lose the weight, she’s way to heavy boned, you can tell.


  36. Star Maker Machinery

    Maggie is Bea Arthur’s long lost daughter. Btw, Peter, the “open-buttoned shirt look” doesn’t work if your girlfriend has bigger pecs than you. Your friends at the bath house clearly gave you bad fashion advice.

  37. shell

    I have nothing to say, I don’t know who these people are.

    But, I’d like to take this time to say that you people crack me up. Thanks for making me laugh. You should see the weird looks I get from people at work when they walk by my office and see me laughing at my computer. OK enough of the warm fuzzy bullshit.

  38. Maggie Gyllen-slut…shotgun style!

  39. Pez_D_Spencer

    I dunno if I’d try to look *that* smug with a broad that homely on my arm. It’s kinda like bragging that you were the most-molested altar boy at your church: I suppose it’s worth something, but public acclaim really isn’t it.

  40. Kfir

    “Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are engaged and pregnant.”

    Peter is pregnant??

  41. BarbadoSlim

    Holy crap them’s a lot of weird letters in their names, are we being invaded by vikings?

    with the plundering and the looting, and then there’s all that rapin’, don’t even get me started …

  42. Star Maker Machinery

    Banality, thy name is Maggie ….

  43. mamacita


    Don’t forget about the pillaging……….

  44. frenchtoaststix

    They both look like they smell baad. Real baad. Sure to be one stinky kid.

  45. Marten

    shit, that IS her twin brother! They even have the same lazy-eyed camera stare. NOt like Jake Gyllenhall. He’s like a happy lil’ puppy

  46. ellaminnowpea

    No one’s kid could look as bad as the little hippy kid, Ryder, who rides around on his hippy mama’s hip (Kate Hudson). Somebody get that kid a haircut and a washrag to wipe his face. I vote for: if the 1st one is heinous…then NO MORE reproducing…it’s as simple as that….and that goes for YOU Britney!!!

  47. Iwannabeacelebrity

    #46..OMG!! LMAO!!!

    But you do make a very valid point…wow..that is one sad looking sour milk kid.

  48. Cool story, I got headshots at the same place as Maggie Gyllenhall. I didn’t knock her up though, contrary to semi-popular belief.

  49. Yeah, I agree with #48.

  50. hafaball

    I think the rule should be, if The Superficial can’t think of a funny comment for the story, they shouldn’t post it.

    Or, whip the person who posted the unfunny post, and make them try harder…

    congrats Maggie and Pete :)

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