Pete Wentz’s dad must cry himself to sleep

May 16th, 2008 // 60 Comments

Pete Wentz (full name Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III, I shit you not) had a bachelor party thrown for him last night with his dad (pink shirt) and future father-in-law Joe Simpson. No doubt, Pete’s father did backflips when he learned Pete was marrying a girl then immediately stormed down to the VFW and punched out everyone that ever mocked him. Even though he never served in the military and typically drinks at Applebee’s. Anyway, I can just picture the words of excitement coming out of Pete’s mouth during this momentous occasion of male-bonding:

“Oh, lookee, father! A stripper establishment. Goody-gum-drops. I do so hope we can put dollar bills into their panties. Oh, can we, father? I’d be the happiest boy in the world! I would, I would.”

But, no, seriously. Congratulations, Pete, and if I ever see you, I’ll hit you in the face with your own neon-blue-laced hightops. Cheers!

superficial

  1. Hi

    I have that same shirt.

  2. ...overheard at the party...

    Pete: “…I roll over and she uses this wonderful Astrogylde stuff…”

    Dad: “Stop.”

    Pete: “…and then she sticks her chin up my…”

    Dad: “Please stop.”

  3. jazzhands

    mmm. Nothin like a man in skin tight black denim with a douchy bee shirt and sleevless hoodie. Well done whatsyername. Well done.

    I’m reminded of the kid brother in “Hot Rod” when they do the weird “Ancestors Protect Me” “May they protect you”…..

  4. Guy

    The 3rd photo scares and confuses me.

  5. veggi

    Poor Pete. He’s doing this whole thing because he wants a “we were really drunk” encounter in the men’s room with Tony Romo at his reception, and now Romo dumped Jessica. He’ll have to settle for the traditional “drink the father-in-law’s semen as it oozes out of your bride” ceremony, while the guests all yell “Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!” Ahhh….good times….

  6. those shoes are horrendous….so i guess they match everything else he’s wearing

  7. cholo

    what a douche.

    what a tool.

    what a marooon.

  8. Racer X

    Ghey!

    /Emo SUCKS!!!!!

  9. stungun

    oh my gosh..he is so hot<3

  10. steve

    Big night – dad even arranged for a hooker. His last night before it’s only one girl for the rest of his life! And also about 400 guys.

  11. The One & Only Danielle♥

    I think Pete & Ashlee are perfect for each other. They share the same taste in make-up, clothes, men, nail polish, tampons…the WORKS! Congrats to the couple, and may you have a long & peaceful honeymoon at SeaWorld ;)

  12. veggi

    Hey # 6. Fuck off.. anyway, since when do you write anything that DOESN’T have to do with snails or asses or whatever is in your sick ass mind?? You’re fucking weird, ya know?

  13. only thing worse than a conservative is a...

    ^^^^^ hey jrz!

  14. veggi

    @13 *smooch* missed ya!

  15. It is getting extraordinarily difficult to tell one’s sexual orientation by the way they dress. Damn you, What Not to Wear!

  16. Ted from LA

    He looks like he’s waiting for the short bus.

  17. veggi

    15- hahaha. that’s actually kinda funny.. weirdo

    seriously, this is completely boring compared to the ramblings of ramalamadingdong….. can’t we debate the sin of ribbon wearing or something??

  18. He should be a model for “Queerbait” magazine

  19. Matt

    I would love to smash this guy’s face. He is a fuckin tool-bag.

  20. Tom

    See, there’s no need for gay marriage, at least not for men. Gay men don’t want to be monogamous anyway, to put it mildly – lots of gay men have sex with hundreds of guys in their lifetimes. So why fight for gay marriage and monogamy that lasts, what, a year, maybe? when you can marry a girl who’s terrified of sex, like Ashlee (with good reason, given all her memories from childhood of Papa Joe behind her, grunting like a pig). She won’t ask for sex, she’ll do everything she can to avoid conflict, and she’ll definitely NOT demand to inspect your filthy penis when you return from a night of colon-wrangling with random guys in a bar. There are plenty of girls like that (terrified of sex) to choose from. Ashlee’s a little unusual, because these girls typically eat a lot as substitute for sex, and to make it difficult for guys to look at them and get erections. Just look around – they’re everywhere these days.

  21. Jimbo

    Check out the sneakers on this nancy-boy. The only strip club he goes into feature the thunder from down under. And when you ask him about the pole he thinks you’re offering to @ss bang him.

  22. Cheese

    What’s this guy remotely famous for?

  23. brandon

    Nice space shoes…..what a jackass

  24. MightyD

    I wonder if them shoes (?) lace themselves like in Back to The future…cuz that would be CHINtastik!!

  25. bootlips

    You can tell this guy thinks he’s all that. I wouldn’t know who he was if he wasn’t getting married to nose job.

  26. anon

    #17, I laughed so hard at your comment.
    ——————————

    “What’s with the shoes – is there a mission to the moon later?”

    10 points to whoever can tell me what that quote is from. ;)

  27. Sport

    Fag.

  28. lee

    I think this douche is a prime example of why some men shouldn’t be allowed to dress themselves.

  29. Impatient...

    …in fact, #27, you might say I can’t hardly wait…

  30. chichi

    Hey he’s a hero and best friend. Really, Pete is saving Ashlee from the manipulative and dirty grasp of her extremely disagreeable freaky dad.. and passive-moron spend thrift mother. Plus she can gleefully step over fruitcake-loser fake-fainting attention-greedy Jessica on her way out of the chapel.

  31. anon

    #27, excellent. I’m glad someone else got it, haha.

  32. anon

    Whoops, I mean that at #30. Haha.

  33. Armand

    Why is Ashley Simpson marrying a gay dude?

    Please do a post of who is hotter
    Ashley vs Jessica

    Call papa Joe and get some boob input

  34. SO RIGHT

    I’ve read a lot of blogs and you are BY FAR the funniest gossip writer. Seriously! Hilarious! I cannot stop thinking about Pete’s father crying himself to sleep.

  35. Auntie Kryst

    Do you think soft boy Pete’s dad and Joe had to forcibly hold him down to get him to sit through a lapdance??

  36. hot mess

    Pete’s dad and Joe *did* forcibly hold him down to get him a lapdance, but they gave up ‘cuz he got a boner b4 the girl got there.

  37. Truth Hurts

    #34, c’mon you know why she’s marrying a gay guy. He’s just a beard, cuz she’s really sleeping with her dad! Everyone knows that.

  38. dukseewhorse

    The only thing that is missing from this tool’s get-up is the small LA GEAR license plate hanging from his shoes…. Oh yeah; and a HYPERCOLOR shirt.. 80′s RULE!!!!

  39. Prof

    So… dressing like a gay 13 year old from 1985 is the style now huh. Ashley is reeeally in denial about ol’ Pete Wentz’s sexuality, oh well maybe she’ll get to play the women in bed sometime.

  40. Gwen

    You are totally shitting us. No WAY is that his real name. And there’s no way I’m going to waste my time looking it up to find out, damn it. I’ll waste my time on this freakin’ blog, but I do have some standards…

    Ha, today’s my birthday so I’m drinking my face off. :) Whoooo!!!

  41. Jesus...

    What a fucking fruitcake…

  42. Maria

    I don’t really understand all the hate for this guy.
    His sexuality is his own deal, and he obviously knows what he’s doing. I think they’re a really attractive pair, though I was never a fan of Pete until last week when he was on MTV Live. Just seemed like a really chill, down to earth, friendly guy.

    I just think it’s sad that close to no one on this site ever has anything decent to say. Ever.

  43. Maria

    MTV Live Canada* if that means anything.

  44. xx

    Pete’s dad was one of my professors in law school. Decent enough guy. Seemed proud of his son a the time, but that was before all this Ashlee stuff.

  45. GG1000

    WTF is on his FEET? Christ on a bike, dude, get a mirror!

  46. JeffreyDahmer

    I remember Ashley Simpson wearing that exact same shirt in some photo I seen on the Interwebs. He’s pretty gay if he shares clothes with his girlfriend.

  47. This gives us right away the answer why he has all the tattoos?
    HE JUST WANTS TO LOOK TOUGH IN DAY-LIGHT!!
    That’s the answer folks!!

  48. Sprklchick

    Why does what he’s wearing remind me of Back to the Future II?? It’s gotta be the futuristic – yet – retro (and completely retarded) shoes.

  49. Erica

    I want his kicks. Those shoes are in with teens. Seeing as I’m a teen, I follow trendz. Ha sikkeee.

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