Pete Wentz hates being synonymous with ‘douchebag’

January 4th, 2009 // 66 Comments

Seen here with a post-pregnancy Ashlee Simpson on New Year’s Eve, Pete Wentz laments about his current online reputation as the baggiest douche of all douches, according to the latest issue of Blender:

“I was letting the blogs get to me. It’s semi-frustrating when your name actually becomes a synonym for douche bag. I’m paranoid pretty much all the time. I can take three Xanax bars and not feel a thing.”

Truth be told, he doesn’t look great. Dark bags ring his eyes and his skin has a waxy, jaundiced pallor.

Dear Pete Wentz,

First off, it takes a real man to admit he reads about himself all day on the Internet. Everyone does it – except for me because I’m awesome. Lumberjack awesome. Anyway, now that I know you read this site, I came up with a revolutionarly solution that will make bloggers stop calling you a douchebag:

Quit looking like Pete Wentz.

BOOM! Solved. However, in the unlikely event that doesn’t work, I’ve also developed a fool-proof contingency plan where you pay me $1 million to have sex with Ashlee Simpson. Because honestly, Pete, who can put a price on peace of mind? Not counting the one I just came up with. (I prefer cash and to be called “Papa Bangarang.”)

Always looking out,

The Superficial Writer

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. v tard

    Superficial readers giving decent advice to a target of The Internet Hate Machine? Didn’t think I’d ever see it.

    That said, he should know better. Tom Cruise is a bigger hate object and he makes a special effort NEVER to read what people say about him. I don’t care how self-assured you are, eventually it gets to you if you insist on exposing yourself to it.

  2. Dj

    I’ve always thought Ashlee was pretty and all, but whenever she stands next to him it drives me nuts that she is always hunched over! Just like Katie Holmes. It looks awful!!!!!!! If you’re taller than the dude you choose to do, stand up straight and admit it! It makes Ashlee look insecure, and it makes him look like he’s bossy.

  3. Dj

    I’ve always thought Ashlee was pretty and all, but whenever she stands next to him it drives me nuts that she is always hunched over! Just like Katie Holmes. It looks awful!!!!!!! If you’re taller than the dude you choose to do, stand up straight and admit it! It makes Ashlee look insecure, and it makes him look like he’s bossy.

  4. britney's weave

    he should wipe the makeup off for starters.

  5. Julie Ann

    If he doesn’t like douche bag I could always roll with pussy…or maybe tool…

  6. Prof

    If you want to see a douche bag look up Criss Angel (the bag overflows), Dane Cook, or any guy Britney Spears has fucked in the past 5 years! Pete Wentz isn’t what I’d call a douche. He’s a sexually confused, bi-curious, effeminate, soft as shit, pill popping, man-child that will one day come out of the closet… pushing Ashlee towards the eventual nervous breakdown and making his child the source of peer harassment for years to come. However, a douche bag no he doesn’t quite have the balls to be a douche bag.

  7. EuroNeckPain

    Is it fashionable to date an ugly guy, or what ???

    Most “beauties” on this site date REALLY ugly guys. The kind you wouldn’t want to touch even after 8 months spent in a desert.

  8. lola richie

    They both look so adorable here. They really seem happy and in love. I feel like a pedophile that I find Pete Wentz cute here

  9. An in-depth analysis of Pete’s Douchery:

    http://starcasm.net/archives/2600

  10. Yank and wank they rhyme for a reason

    I like this lad, not sexy but he’s a really nice bloke. A non wanker American – fancy that they DO exist!!!

  11. upyeerrs

    OMG… Pete did not even know he was a douche bag. That is sssooo cuttteee!

  12. Kait

    Haha. Poor Pete. Everyone is labeling him as a douche xD
    Jeez ppl, he’s married to a woman for God’s sake! But yeah…he is still kinda douchey…but he brought it on himself! Everytime he’s on stage he is freakin all over Patrick!
    Whatever. I think its cute ^^ Pete, just be yourself. The internet can be harsh but in reality you have everyone you need. The most important people are supporting you.

  13. ashley8696

    Why don’t you all shut the fuck up and leave him alone. Sure he talks about things we don’t personally need to know, but that’s the way he is. He’s married, AND he has a kid. Honestly do you even know what the freaking word douche bag means? If you don’t like him why read an article about him? Look at you… you probably have done half the stupid shit they have.

  14. ashley8696

    Why don’t you all shut the fuck up and leave him alone. Sure he talks about things we don’t personally need to know, but that’s the way he is. He’s married, AND he has a kid. Honestly do you even know what the freaking word douche bag means? If you don’t like him why read an article about him? Look at you… you probably have done half the stupid shit they have.

  15. I really loved about Van Damme’s cream-filled hard seed. I got a stand up for Pete Wentz. His quote shows self aware douchiness, which is ok in my book.

  16. Fish you have other ways to keep it from being called douchebag …. Devulging personal things about your wife can leave stupid forgot. I dont know how it needs to taste breast milk or vaginal secretions that its caster oil steam. Theres a few things that should be kept private between a husband and wife. Me If you can live with her favorite sex position is that I wanted to tell about the means, but that, STFU beyond.

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