Goddammit, Gwyneth Paltrow Has An Iron Man Suit

March 28th, 2013 // 23 Comments
Pepper Potts Iron Man Suit Gwyneth Paltrow
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Considering LEGO already showed a minifigure of it last month and above is the newest TV spot that will be broadcast fucking everywhere, finding out Gwyneth Paltrow gets her own Iron Man armor in Iron Man 3 really doesn’t count as a spoiler anymore, so everybody who’s about to say it does, put your inhalers anyway. We’re kin. Not to mention we should be celebrating an Iron Man movie that finally sets aside convention to show us a new breed of superhero who sprays kale cleanses in the face of the poor. “Your days of irregular bowels over, ruffian. Take that!” *lights shanty town on fire with rocket boots*


  1. Inner Retard

    Thus came to pass that the Iron Man franchise was completely ruined. And I thought Jon Favreau’s fight scene was bad.

  2. Grand Dragon

    Fucked the series up in the third film, just like with X-Men.

  3. That Bastard Tony

    That’s actually one of Stark’s suits, not Pepper’s. He flings it onto her (using the Extremis tech I’m assuming) when the house is attacked to protect her. I do hope that they reveal her Rescue armor at one point in this movie tho.

    Hope that wasn’t spoiling anything for anyone but if it was, then at least I’m finally living up to my name.

  4. Chuck Norris


  5. You know what this means? She’s better then us; fucking Gwyneth Paltrow is really better than us.

  6. ThisWillHurt

    “The Mandarin’s after us! Get in the suit, Pepper!”
    “But there’s this warning on the side that says ‘DO NOT WEAR WHILE PREGNANT: MAY CAUSE MISCAR-’”
    “I said get in the suit!”

  7. She’s probably going to menstruate all over in that thing.

  8. Iron Man MCDXXXII has everybody in magic suits.

  9. If that suit isn’t fair trade and lavender infused, there’s no way you’re going to get her in it.

  10. Cock Dr

    They told her it was haute couture…that was the only way they could get her into it.

  11. Ugh just what I wanted to see, a preppie wasp in an iron man suit *barf*

  12. IronJerk

    No! A woman can’t wear the iron man suit.
    It has no room for tits.

  13. Please, please, please make it lock shut and never, ever open up again.

  14. Dewitt

    I know “Shanty Town” doesn’t necessarily refers to Bioshock Infinite, but I have the feeling that’s where you took it from this time.;)

  15. ManiacFive

    I was all cool with Pepper in an Iron Man suit, ’cause I was remembering Iron Man vol 1 #300. The red head that jim rhodes puts in an iron suit along with a bunch of others to fight ultimo when Tony was still paralysed…

    Of course I was remembering that all wrong, that redhead was Bethany Cabe. Fuck you Gwyneth Pepper. You haven’t earned that suit. And you have no hips for the suit to even chafe. Where’s Bethany when you need her?

  16. Ripley's Believe It Or Not

    Where’s Iron Woman’s ironing board and clothes to press?

  17. Huh. Didn’t know Armani made Iron Man suits.

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