Penelope Cruz in a bikini

January 14th, 2010 // 127 Comments

Before jetting off to Rome for the premiere of Nine yesterday, Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem hit the beach in Brazil where they attempted to set a new world’s record in grab-assing. They’ll of course have to compete with the time I convinced Kim Kardashian I was the President of Reality TV and basically every single morning when Tom Cruise cages an extra in a meat locker until he Greco-Roman wrestles his way out. (R.I.P. Man Buying Newspaper in Jerry Maguire. I swear you’ll be avenged. — Eventually.)

Photos: Fame
superficial

  1. Smarm

    #50- Wrong.

    Reading comprehension ftw.

    This

    A female ass that’s smaller than the male hand that grabs it is not grabworthy at all…what is he grabbing? bone?

    A good ass should be round and plentyful, so that it can be grabbed and taken the way it’s meant to, including and all those nasty things you guys always talk about in this site.”
    is not complimentary. Its saying shes got no ass. Comprende’ ?

    This-
    “5. jlylec – January 14, 2010 12:48 PM

    fat. gross.”

    Is not complimentary. If you can find, in either of those stupid ass posts, anything insinuating shes ‘hot’, you be sure to point that out. Otherwise, feel free to continue to try and insult me because you misread. Keep fighting the good fight!

  2. Hugh Gentry

    great body! I’d bury my face in that ass every night.

  3. Lizzie

    “21. Pseudopodia – January 14, 2010 1:21 PM

    Will be a heffer once she’s close to 40 and metabolism slows down.
    Look at that bone structure around the pelvis.
    She’s doomed.
    Rotund.

    You do realize shes already 35, right Einstein? Yea.. real heffer. If she was going to blow up, she’d have done so already. Just because your orca of a wife did doesnt mean everyone does.

    Some of you people amaze me- granted, most seem to grasp that shes stunning for 35, hell, stunning for any age- but as always, theres a select few absolute idiots who just HAVE to try and stand out, even if they look ridiculous doing so.

  4. Smarm

    “52. Hugh Gentry – January 14, 2010 8:17 PM

    great body! I’d bury my face in that ass every night.

    As is typical, I find myself having to agree w you and your bottomless well of wisdom yet again. Shes fucking smoking. And the fact shes from Spain just makes her that much hotter imho.

    Nom nom nom

  5. bossvnnv

    FAT         FAT FAT FAT FAT

  6. ^ I'm with stupid

    Ok fag! Go fuck your mother! (again)

  7. joho777

    That’s a ferocious five-o’clock shadow. Why doesn’t she use makeup on it like the porn girls do?

  8. hacksaw

    I’d hit it.

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  10. amanda

    she has basically the perfect body
    he is ok looking if viewed from the front but has a terrible profile

  11. soahc

    God damn she is looking mighty edible. And I have always been more of a Hayek/Mendez fan but I just might be able to broaden my horizons.

    Now if only the fagots who are saying she is gross and fat would just maybe open themselves up to the possibility that they’re have no logical criteria on which to base their criticisms. It’s okay you gays, I know society tells you that you should be attracted to skeletal, assless pukers.

    My only complaint about Cruz: she needs some friggin’ calves! Go climb the Santa Monica stairs bitch! Make that nice ass pop and grow some legs!

  12. ginger

    anyone that has anything negative to say about her body can suck the shit out of my ass. she is so lovely, creamy and sweet. she looks incredible and nothing has been altered. so fuck off to those who think she is less than perfect.

  13. spicy

    wow. here is another excellent ass that will be my inspiration. i wish i could pinch it and giggle

  14. Thick and Juicy. Shes got meat in all the right places!

  15. willito

    She is soooo hot. That fact that she is not “perfect” makes her that more hot, and makes me think I have a chance with hot pieces of ass like this.

    This is the ultimate middle aged woman. Hot as fuck. Not a big cunt like Lopez.

  16. Meglet

    Ha ha, they look like they know they’re being photographed and they’re hamming it up for the camera. They look cute together.

  17. @70 – get a boyfriend, you lonely cow.

  18. Insatiable Peter

    Si. Si. I’d throw it in her culo!

  19. red

    she has had two children i think+35= FRIGGING AMAZING BODY
    and not only for that age, or for having that many children, it’s a great body regardless

  20. Mr. Lahey

    I’d give it to her after drinking a six pack. Look at Pic #2. Whoever thinks that she has a great body is blind. Her face looks like a rodent and she’s fat. For all you girls who look like this or fatter. Go on a diet. Ditch the Big Macs.

    What has the world come to when we except this as good looking?

  21. Veronica

    They are both so hot and were 20 years ago in Tie me up and Tie me down. I bet they bang each other with their oscars. I would really like to watch.

  22. Veronica

    They are both so hot and were 20 years ago in Tie me up and Tie me down. I bet they bang each other with their oscars. I would really like to watch.

  23. ayn

    fat because her only exercise is sex

  24. Sorry, I do not get the fuzz about her.
    She has basically NO hip-waist ratio and do you see the fat under her bikini top when looking from the back?
    She has nice legs though. But far from overwhelmig.

    So now go on and swear at me. it doesnt change a thing.

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  26. Sorry, I do not get the fuzz about her.
    She has basically NO hip-waist ratio and do you see the fat under her bikini top when looking from the back?
    She has nice legs though. But far from overwhelmig.

    So now go on and swear at me. it doesnt change a thing.

  27. The shape of her breast implants are visible. Having said that, she’s still a goddess. Does anyone in here think that Tom Cruise ever even saw her naked?

  28. Rhialto

    That ass looks quite acceptable!

  29. Darth

    #82
    Good,gooder,goodest!?

  30. Nero

    I don’t see really supermodel measurements and that’s why she’s probably pulling weird faces (pic 1 till pic 4).@ 83 Are you Brasilian?!

  31. Hogan

    Anyone that doesnt see the high boner coefficency in these photos is either a homosexual or has only ever had sexual relations with girls whose surname name is .jpeg

    as for #80

    “She has basically NO hip-waist ratio and do you see the fat under her bikini top when looking from the back?”
    “So now go on and swear at me. it doesnt change a thing.

    I will swear at you. You are a defintely a virgin and quite clearly an complete fucking poindexter.

  32. Hogan

    Anyone that doesnt see the high boner coefficency in these photos is either a homosexual or has only ever had sexual relations with girls whose surname name is .jpeg

    as for #80

    “She has basically NO hip-waist ratio and do you see the fat under her bikini top when looking from the back?”
    “So now go on and swear at me. it doesnt change a thing.

    I will swear at you. You are a defintely a virgin and quite clearly an complete fucking poindexter.

  33. Boogeyman King Dong

    Is there some kinda ass parade going on on that Brasilian beach!?

  34. Dirk Diggler

    I wonder if she would give me a moustache ride?

  35. Galtacticus

    The Brasilians will have flippers instead of feet in 200 million years from now.

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  37. To all of the fat-focused and other blind posters: When you dream of the perfect woman, she’s dreaming of Penelope Cruz.

  38. Shes 'fat' ??

    “74. Mr. Lahey – January 15, 2010 2:06 AM

    I’d give it to her after drinking a six pack. Look at Pic #2. Whoever thinks that she has a great body is blind. Her face looks like a rodent and she’s fat. For all you girls who look like this or fatter. Go on a diet. Ditch the Big Macs.

    What has the world come to when we except this as good looking?

    Ok, there, ‘Mr Lahey’… not only are you a lying fuck (derrrr, itd take me a 6 pack before id even consider honoring her w my peen), but you’re a fucking douche bag as well… ditch the big macs? Chick is fucking perfect… I hate to be the one to break this to you, but real women? They arent Jillian Michaels w .0002% body fat… I know it seems that way after 3-4 decades of spanking your shit to Womens Fitness magazine, but welcome to reality, fuckstick.

    That, or you’re a pedophile, and only THINK thats how women should look because you’re so used to staring at the asses of the local 12 yr olds who havent even developed yet and are still in the bird-like stage… you’re probably a school teacher for that very reason, eh?

    Idiots like you amaze me. This chicks 35 and is far hotter than anything you’ll ever, ever, attain, and you talk shit about Big Macs and Cokes? Let me guess, you’re doing this from your garage in between sets of 200 crunches and leglifts, while polishing your abs and alternating pec flexes? Because otherwise you dont have any business opening that cockholster of yours, tough guy.

  39. kaylia

    a) she does NOT have any children
    b) #3 face scares me, whether it’s the angle or not O_o

  40. Shes 'fat' ??

    “74. Mr. Lahey – January 15, 2010 2:06 AM

    I’d give it to her after drinking a six pack. Look at Pic #2. Whoever thinks that she has a great body is blind. Her face looks like a rodent and she’s fat. For all you girls who look like this or fatter. Go on a diet. Ditch the Big Macs.

    What has the world come to when we except this as good looking?

    Ok, there, ‘Mr Lahey’… not only are you a lying fuck (derrrr, itd take me a 6 pack before id even consider honoring her w my peen), but you’re a fucking douche bag as well… ditch the big macs? Chick is fucking perfect… I hate to be the one to break this to you, but real women? They arent Jillian Michaels w .0002% body fat… I know it seems that way after 3-4 decades of spanking your shit to Womens Fitness magazine, but welcome to reality, fuckstick.

    That, or you’re a pedophile, and only THINK thats how women should look because you’re so used to staring at the asses of the local 12 yr olds who havent even developed yet and are still in the bird-like stage… you’re probably a school teacher for that very reason, eh?

    Idiots like you amaze me. This chicks 35 and is far hotter than anything you’ll ever, ever, attain, and you talk shit about Big Macs and Cokes? Let me guess, you’re doing this from your garage in between sets of 200 crunches and leglifts, while polishing your abs and alternating pec flexes? Because otherwise you dont have any business opening that cockholster of yours, tough guy.

  41. I want to wear a large head Javier mask for the upcoming carnival in Brazil…

  42. Anderson

    Stunning woman. First and last pictures on the 2nd orw (buttcheeks) are great.

  43. ante deluvian

    Life imitating art!

    For those of you who don’t know Penelope and Javeir were in a film together called Jamón Jamón way back in 1992 – in which they were lovers and he got to chew on her tits. One apparently tasted like ham, the other an omelet.

    Seriously. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104545/

    Lucky bastardo all the same. She’s hawt!

  44. Kathleen

    She’s hot!!

  45. g

    Her body isn’t perfect but to say she doesn’t have a noce face is lame.
    she has a beautiful face. very naturally pretty.

  46. observation

    It’s not her nose that’s bad, it’s her lips. They’re too thin, and when she smiles wide it dips her nose down. ahaha… If she lifted her breasts up to be perkier I’m sure it’d make her square-esque waist go away.

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