Penelope Cruz in a bikini

January 14th, 2010 // 127 Comments

Before jetting off to Rome for the premiere of Nine yesterday, Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem hit the beach in Brazil where they attempted to set a new world’s record in grab-assing. They’ll of course have to compete with the time I convinced Kim Kardashian I was the President of Reality TV and basically every single morning when Tom Cruise cages an extra in a meat locker until he Greco-Roman wrestles his way out. (R.I.P. Man Buying Newspaper in Jerry Maguire. I swear you’ll be avenged. — Eventually.)

Photos: Fame
superficial

  1. machachacha

    first

  2. vato

    Odelay

  3. she has a great body.

  4. kingofbeer

    NICE!!!! FAPFAPFAPFAP

  5. jlylec

    fat. gross.

  6. Richard McBeef

    Hot body.

    Face of a baby bird.

  7. QueLastima

    Of course neither is anywhere near overweight, but like most Spaniards both clearly don’t exercise and probably smoke.

  8. Solo

    I would give almost anything to release on that belly.

  9. Solo

    I would give almost anything to release on that belly.

  10. wait….did you really just call her fat? um. that’s a joke right?

    And Javi transcends body type, if you mean him, he is that hot.

  11. Valerie

    Well. She’s an apple not a pear.

  12. Taz

    That is one hot woman

  13. Parker

    It’s funny but the minute I saw photo 8 the first thing I thought of was the time I imagined slipping my sausage into Penelope’s tight ass. Ah, memories.

  14. superficial--dish best serve Rough

    Thank god she was reared in other culture similar to that Bahlz chic, I would not worry about that X-tra 5 pounds, as a matter of fact it enhances her (Boobs)figure…Havier looks hideous, im sure hes a great guy…im just jealous!

  15. Heywood Jablomi

    #5 why don’t you upload a couple of your pictures, I’d love to see what perfection looks like.

  16. McBiff

    I knew it would only be a couple of posts before some faggot would start calling her fat.

  17. Viv

    A female ass that’s smaller than the male hand that grabs it is not grabworthy at all…what is he grabbing? bone?

    A good ass should be round and plentyful, so that it can be grabbed and taken the way it’s meant to, including and all those nasty things you guys always talk about in this site.

  18. dude

    Agree with Richard McBeef! Nicely put sir.

    Great ass, but she’s still a fucking chihuahua. And her voice induces impotence in healthy males.

  19. a2425536

    #19, you are an idiot.

  20. Pseudopodia

    Will be a heffer once she’s close to 40 and metabolism slows down.
    Look at that bone structure around the pelvis.
    She’s doomed.
    Rotund.

  21. You must be the real jlylec

    #20, you’re a #19

  22. Anon

    BUTTERFACE!!!!

  23. nastyjay

    i love when boobs are visible from underneath

  24. Kangaroo

    She’s not ‘fat’ but she is kinda thick around the middle. Not a big deal. Her real downfall is the beak. I know you Jewish guys love it (the body says ‘spicy exotic tempttress’, but the nose feels like home) but it just looks bad to me.

  25. Les

    Most Americans are fat and she got back in shape after having a baby. Of course she probably uppgraded her implants when having the tummy tuck. But still sexy.

  26. kerri

    if you people think she is fat or even slightly less than perfect i have officially given up on the human race. i fear for the future, you idiots.

  27. Sam

    Javier: “Don’t put that asscheek in your bikini bottom, ma’am. Don’t put it in your bikini bottom. It’s your lucky asscheek.”
    Penelope: “Where do you want me to put it?”
    Javier: “Anywhere not in your bikini bottom. Where it’ll get mixed in with the other asscheek and become just a butt. Which it is.”

  28. God of Thunder

    OK body, fugly face. BTW whats she doing with “Easter Island Head?” Pic #6

  29. God of Thunder

    #25. Kangaroo. I’m not Jewish but would like to know what the hell would a Jewish person have to do with anything?

  30. ANita

    if any of you “only self-loving” commentators think that Penelope is fat then you should all get help asap…before it’s too late. morons

  31. maudina

    Awesome body (penelope), i couldn’t help grabbing her ass all the time if i was by her side, just like Javier.

  32. Vinnie the Chin

    Javier knows what he (and everyone else) likes!

  33. Hefe

    I love how those massive mammaries don’t come anywhere close to fitting in that bikini top.

  34. LikeItThatWay

    She is gorgeous head to toe — beautiful face, eyes, hair, and body. All you haters can now return to whacking off to photoshopped pics of skinny-assed, faked-boobed bitches.

  35. pimp

    now that’s some sweet pussy…too bad there’s a fucking ogre all over it…

  36. Rod

    #13 - spit chocolate milk all over my screen. well played, sir.

  37. weirdo

    I’d love to bury certain body parts deep into her sweet warm asshole!

  38. assman

    ASSTASSTIC!!!!

  39. jlylec

    heywood and mcbiff…go blow each other and die.

  40. teebol

    she’s my dream. Lucky man.

  41. Carolyn

    #26 As far as I know she’s never had a baby. I have seen her smoke, don’t know about him in real life but he’s smoked in movies.

  42. SO RIGHT

    Are you kidding me? This is a beautiful natural body! She is gorgeous from top to bottom. Her butt is darling!

  43. ___

    That’s a perfect ass. Not too big, not too small. Just right.

  44. nat

    She’s absolutely gorgeous. Simple.

  45. Stupid

    # 19 that is one ugly pic, yuck.

  46. sushi

    she is UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Her body is average.
    Average body… ugly face

    not as bad as Sarah Jessica Parker though.

  47. Smarm

    “17. Viv – January 14, 2010 1:13 PM

    A female ass that’s smaller than the male hand that grabs it is not grabworthy at all…what is he grabbing? bone?

    A good ass should be round and plentyful, so that it can be grabbed and taken the way it’s meant to, including and all those nasty things you guys always talk about in this site.

    I know that’s probably what the plethora of random scumbags tell you so that they can fuck your nasty, fat, ass, the bigger the better and all that shit, but the reality is, this chick is fucking stunning and you will never, ever, look this good- you dont like whats posted on this site, get the fuck out, cow. Bone? You’re fucking retarded. You have no fucking clue what a good ass ‘should’ look like. Understandable, given the fact yours is the size of the average third world country.

    And jlylec, in case you havent figured it out yet from all of the posts shooting your stupid ass ‘shes fat’ comments down, you’re wrong. And a moron. Fat? Seriously. Some people I think just post shit to go against the grain and try and sound fucking cool.

    Let me guess- Lindsay Lohan is ‘thick’, huh?

  48. tkdchick008

    smarm- youre an idiot…you just argued a quote that supports your own post that cruz is hot…which she is

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