Paula Abdul is a gift to the world

June 8th, 2007 // 41 Comments

Paula Abdul’s new reality show on Bravo, “Hey Paula,” is apparently full of her acting like a spoiled brat and saying ridiculous things like: “I’m tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am.” Gatecrasher reports:

In the first episode, set to air June 28, the “American Idol” judge appears addled after the 2007 Grammy Awards. She stumbles on the street and giggles in the back of her limo (“I crack myself up!”) before her mood darkens and she berates two assistants for not bringing her sweat pants to change into for a flight … “The way I’ve been treated is [like] a piece of dog s–,” she complains in another typical outburst.

It’s always kind of amazing to see Paula is even capable of speech. Every time she tries to say something it looks like an epic struggle with her face. I was expecting her show to be an hour of her sitting around barely conscious and drooling, so she’s already exceeded my expectations.

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  1. first


  2. barfly


  3. Superevil

    Somebody please put her out of my misery

  4. JoBOO


  5. Donkey

    I thought she was dog s—.

  6. What the FUCK is with her tits? Do they just cave inwards now? Is she doing to have breasts coming out of her back in 5 years? Someone please explain.

  7. DancingQueen

    Dog shit has more talent than she does.

  8. Hollywood Agent

    Who is she kidding with that white dress, we all know that she in not a virgin.

  9. I think she is actually made of cheese, botox and tree bark … and there is a single plum, floating in a bowl of perfume, where her brain should be.

  10. woodhorse

    Isn’t she like 55? She needs to get over herself and go hang with Cher or Tina. Someone with talent we can make fun of for acting like a Diva (Her Fatness Mariah Carey) but Paula Abdul The Never Was??? She might be entitled to a 10% Senior Citizen’s Discount at Walmart where they REALLY know how to treat a person like dog shit.

  11. The_Squizz


  12. One more thing, I’d still fuck her :)

  13. surfonium

    12 agreed

  14. BERN2

    Que Paula’s music…

    “It aint the way that you love her, its a natural fact, her tits are old and are no longer stacked, you know….”

  15. veggi-sammich

    I like her cause she gets fucked up.

  16. Jumpin J

    American idle.

  17. wedge1

    That rack will never make Bern’s DMBS, because it’s just a DBS.

    Can’t wait to watch her get committed to an asylum.

  18. How about a show called “Guess What Happened To My Tits!”

    Contestants win cash and prizes for games like “How Long Can You Look At Them Without Wretching?” and “Can You Find The Face of Neil Armstrong On My Nipple?”

    Bulldog ugly bitch. Do us all a favor and put a turtle-neck sweater on. Forever.

  19. Bern – I think your take on the DMBS is wrong.

    It’s not 98 + 16, it is actually her address written upside down (9186) so she can find her way home at night.

    OR – She keeps track of white guys on one tit, and brutha’s on the otha’.

  20. RichPort

    I guaran-fucking-tee this chick, even with her misshaped funbags, can bone and moan like an Asian massage parlor crotch jockey.

    I’d have to dim the lights and wear a sleeping mask, but I’d have one happy johnson.

  21. What the hell is wrong with you people ? I’d pull that skirt up over her head and hit it hockey fight style

  22. So all you have to do to get your own reality sho now is act like you are drunk all the time?


    I don’t know, Paula makes me laugh. I find it impossible to really hate her. She’s probably on prescription drugs most of the time, anyway, so I just don’t see her as a threat. Unlike Paris and Lindsay, who teen girls look up to, Paula’s just a has-been who came back for awhile, who may-or-may-not inhale helium on her days off.

  24. Kamiki

    AAAAH I hate this woman far more than I hate Britney and almost as much as I hate Parisite.

  25. Paula, please stop baring ur cleavage. Thanks.

  26. lastangelman

    Solve the problem of Abdul, today: stuff her mouth with my voracious wet tongue until it strangles her larynx from the inside out. God, I am amazing and all powerful, but this the thanks I ever get, NO good deed goes unpunished, so I’ll invent world peace by inviting huge rocks to rain down upon us fron out of the sky until we’re all dead and gone – tHEN AND ONLY THEN WILL WE HAVE … world fucking peace. Back to choking the prnguib, hafta make mozzarella soup.

  27. “I’m tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am” ??? Oh come on. She’s half retarded just like all the other no talent tv celebrities. Why? Because they can be and not end up on the street like real people.

  28. leelee

    This is why famous people should not be allowed to do reality shows… or ever talk.
    Sean Penn– cool guy until he started opening his mouth.
    Tom Cruise– why oh why did he have to start talking about more than his movies?
    All these people should be forced to just stand there, look pretty, and make good movies or judge American Idol so we can stop realizing they are psychos and stop appreciating the work they’ve done in the past.

  29. Oops, sorry, not her…I thought you were talking about Paula Poundstone…who I actually thought was Rosie O’Donnell. Oh well.

  30. Joe

    Has anyone considered that this TV show is actually a huge farce on the typical bitchy celebrity? Maybe she’s making a statement by martyring herself to bitchiness.

  31. B Locs

    is that a bruise on her breast?! and when the hell is she going to get that damn thing on the side of her face removed?!

  32. Emma

    I guarantee you she’s addicted to Oxycontin.

  33. fan

    paula IS a gift though. She is TV ratings GOLD for sure. Also, there is possible she was saying that she was a gift as a joke. maybe she was being sarcastic, we dont know until we watch the show!

  34. me

    i love paula. i mean whats not to love, shes funny, cute charmismatic etc etc. just watch an interview with her when she is in a good mood. I also think she says these kind of things, like “im a gift” so that the reality show will be entertaining. just like I think she sometimes acts a little crazy on AI to make that show entertaining. her image has always been nice and extremely humble (unlike most other celebrities), and I think she really is like that.

  35. Jadiafa

    Pienso que Paula es una artista talentosa, a mi me gusta mucho y se ve muy con el paso de los años.

  36. vaginnnn

    Look at them big saggin’ honkers!

  37. ch474

    I know what happened to Paula’s right tit. It was a horrific and startling collision with the ball in a tragic golfing accident.

    Of course I was aiming for her left temple at the time, but I hooked it.

  38. Rachel

    wow. you know, i tell my parents that shit and all i get is a slap in the face. fascinating, i’ll try it again someday when i’m famous and see if it works out better.

  39. patrick

    I think Paula is wonderful, talented and beautiful. We all get old. She looks great for her age and she will look better at 60 than most people in the world. She has brought a lot of joy to a lot of people in this world including myself. C’mon y’all let’s get it together here, why is it cool to bring some one down. Do you think it’s uncool to bring people up? or appreciate them?

  40. that was not nice of Paula to say. Simon is a nice guy and i wished i could meet him some day.

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