Paula Deen’s Just Like That Gay Black Fellow Trying To Play Football

February 27th, 2014 // 56 Comments
Butter On The Seas
Paula Deen
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“I’mma call you Mammy, sugah.”

Because eight months has been a long enough exile for thinking black people dressed as plantation slaves are an acceptable wedding decoration – Or saying “nigger” once in the 80s to a bank robber, as this story will continually be spun. – Paula Deen has launched a $75 million comeback which has taken all of two weeks to blow up in her face because someone made the critical error of letting Paula Deen say words. Via The Wrap:

The celebrity chef has compared her struggles to those of the NFL’s first openly gay prospect, Michael Sam.
“I feel like ‘embattled’ or ‘disgraced’ will always follow my name. It’s like that black football player who recently came out,” Deen said in a People Magazine cover story, which hits newsstands on Friday. “He said, ‘I just want to be known as a football player. I don’t want to be known as a gay football player.’ I know exactly what he’s saying.”
In other words, Deen does not like being labeled a racist for a slur she swore she used a “very long time ago.”

Let me just make sure everyone’s on the same page here. Michael Sam received a backlash of criticism from the NFL itself, had Republican lobbyists propose legislation barring him from playing professional football, and basically had his own father disown him in the New York Times. All because he was honest about the way he was born and made a brave stance so that others might find the strength to stop hiding something that hurts absolutely no one. Paula Deen, on the other hand, faced large public backlash not for saying the word nigger once in the 80s, but for treating a race of human beings as props and thinking it would be perfectly acceptable to make them relive the most heinous period of our country’s history when they were owned like property. And that’s setting aside letting her brother sexually and racially harass his employees at the restaurant they jointly owned. So if you think that’s anywhere close to being comparable to coming out of the closet and subjecting yourself to the cloud of bigotry hovering over the NFL and America in general, what you should probably do is eat a box of ham-filled donuts until your arteries explode before you make the mistake of speaking to another person again and encouraging them, even in the slightest, to share the same shitbag thought. That’s how China ends up colonizing space first.

“Mama, how ‘dem fortune cookie people get up on da moon?”
“Boy, hush up, and eat your squeezy lard. I’m tryin’ ta watch Jesus-ball. SOOEY! TUD-DOWN!”

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Photos: Getty


  1. Joanna's stinky chicken box

    Paula deen repulses me.

  2. “TUD-DOWN!”

    Sweet shit, that kills me!

  3. I eagerly await the reasoned debate and polite discourse this topic will inspire.

  4. Glad I got here before the conservative hate starts aflowin’ like a river of butter down the side of one of Deen’s signature dishes.

  5. FattyFatty2X4

    Michael’s brave stance you speak so eloquently about isn’t on all four’s is it?

  6. BlinkyTheFish

    Seems to me the best thing whoever it was that backed her new ventures should have done is had a little mini-Paula ventriloquist dummy made up and made her contractually obliged to tote around so that whenever Paula says some choice, well thought out comments like this, they can blame Little Paula, a la Gabbo in the Simpsons (‘the little SOBs…..’).

  7. Paula Deen Food Network South Beach Wine And Food Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    Let’s put aside our racial differences and focus on our similarities, diabeetus and being fat as shit.

  8. Miss_Moppet

    Do you think Michael Sam wants to be known as “that black football player” either? Because his race has absolutely nothing to do with what she’s talking about.

    It’s not okay to slap the gay label over everything he does, but it’s fine to slap the race one on it? Clearly, beavers built a dam in her brain, seperating her capacity for logic from her ability to speak.

    In three sentences, she summed up the very reasons why no one will let go of her racial remarks. She’s ignorant, self-involved and apologetic only because she was caught. She’s got the racism, whether she knows it or not. We all do, to one extent or another, but you can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge.

    • Well, she wanted to single him out from all the Australian, Japanese, Moroccan, Norwegian, Filipino, Peruvian, Laotian, Sudanese, Guatemalan, Danish, Korean, Cameroonian, Spanish, Uzbek, Paraguayan and Mongolian football players in the NFL.

    • Oh BABY

      No doubt you’re the liberal generous type who ignores the solid wave of racist and discriminatory remarks from blacks about whites because, of course, the blacks today have suffered terribly from slavery and are now forced to live out their lives in idleness and violence, taking welfare checks, free phones, free healthcare, food stamps, and drugs; how terrible whitey is, huh?

      It must do your heart good to see black-on-white and black-on-black crime, and no doubt you excuse it all because white people are so terrible to blacks; you had to have been one of the sheeple Trayvon Martin screamers who so conveniently ignored the facts of that case in favor of embracing a false-premise cause to make yourself feel good.

      I’m going to worry about Paula Deen’s “racist” remarks when the white-hating blacks shut their pie holes and stop acting like animals. You can’t have equality, you idiot, when you make excuses for the black haters, yet vilify whites for even the tiniest slips. I’m no Deen fan; I can’t stand the woman. But what I hate more than idiot enablers like you are those who ignore the dangerous double standards that are being set while they congratulate themselves on how liberal and tolerant they are.

      Let the hate flow now, you liberal hypocrites. Call me names while you preach tolerance. That’s all you mindless morons know how to do. It’s always good for a laugh.

      • No name-calling here. Just a thumbs down.

      • You want the hate to come out. If you wanted to make a real point, you wouldn’t have taken such an antagonistic tone. But by puffing your chest out, you’ve ensured the type of reactions you’ll get. You catch more flies with honey…..

      • Does your teeny tiny pea brain grasp the concept there is no such thing as reverse racism…

      • At what point did I “make excuses for black haters?” As I stated, we ALL have racist tendancies to one extent or another, but you can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge.

        As a person of color who grew up in a very small town, I experienced the kind of racism that most people read about in books. So your “view” on the idolent lives of black folks is limited at best. I’ve never been on welfare, food stamps or taken drugs. But I have had people spit in my hair and call me a nigger. I have been punched in the face for simply standing while brown. So I have a pretty firm handle on how damaging prejudice is, no matter what race is being targeted and I have great empathy for anyone who is treated poorly on the basis of something they have little to no control over.

      • Tyrannosaurus Flex

        I’m going to remain optimistic and label this as overly subtle trolling. In the same way post-Augustan Latin lit fucked with grammar in order to create new generic expectations and linguistic realities, Oh Baby has withdrawn the “troll’s tell” by conceding his/her disdain for PD. Witness the birth of the Silver Age of troll lyric. *Sniffs fart, winks at self in mirror, puts Osgood Schlatter soles in wingtips, saunters out door*

      • It’s always hilarious when the crazy comes out on this site…

        “Let the hate flow now, you liberal hypocrites. Call me names while you preach tolerance. That’s all you mindless morons know how to do. It’s always good for a laugh.”


        “I laugh when you sink to my level of stupidity, but I’m smarter than you because I know I am stupid and therefore calling you out that my intelligence is outright negligible and therefore so are you and I know you are but what am I and has anybody seen my insulin I think I lost it when paying for my sugary coffee drink thing that tastes like salted prunes but they call it caramel… TAKE THAT PINKOS!”

      • Honey, why are you such a bigot?? Why do you assume that anyone who disagrees with Paula is a “liberal?” There is a great deal of hatred spewing out of you. Let’s make this clear…Racism is wrong. Wrong. Hate crimes are wrong. No matter the color of the perpetrator or their religious affiliations. Bigotry is wrong. Stereotypes are wrong. There is never, ever a time when it is right or a time when you should make an excuse for it.

      • Dr.J

        Okay, if you say so: you’re a stupid dumbhead and no one likes you. Really though. Racists are the least fun people. Always bitching and complaining and ruining parties. A STUUUUPID dumbhead. That’s you!

  9. SuperJ

    But, free speech y’all… don’t tread on me!

  10. Leila

    Why does this woman persist in feeling so sorry for herself? She lied about her health, not for privacy concerns, but so she could continue to lead people down the primrose path of death lined with ham and butter and deep fried everything. She thought having a plantation themed party would be a good idea. I don’t think I need to add anything there. And that’s before the racist language and perv brother stuff got out. She’s old, she’s rich, she got way more than her fair share. But she’s still crying in her greasy hands and feeling picked on.

  11. Paula Deen Food Network South Beach Wine And Food Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    Does this woman ever have her mouth shut? Its like she’s physiologically incapable of putting her lips together.

  12. Paula Deen Food Network South Beach Wine And Food Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    “I love it when ladies use butter to condition thar hair!”

  13. She knows exactly what Mike Sam is feeling since asking her parents to sit down all those years ago. “Momma, Daddy, I need to talk to you about something. This is hard for me to say, but I’ve known something about myself for a long time. I need to tell you and I just hope you can understand. I hope you will still love me but, I can’t deny who I am any longer. Momma, Daddy, I’m a racist.”

  14. Slash

    Sounds like a buddy cop movie to me. Watch as an old, racist white woman from the south tries to get along with a young, black, homosexual man as they fight crime in the mean streets of … fuck it, New Orleans.

    “Dixie Justice,” new on TNT.

    “Hey, boy, let’s roll. I wanna bust some perps in time to get to Willie Mae’s for lunch. I love me some fried chicken!”

    “I’ve asked you nicely not to call me boy. It’s disrespectful.”

    “Aw, c’mon sugar, it’s just a nickname, I don’t mean nothin’ by it! And I didn’t even mention how you’re a homo who will be judged by God and condemned to hell for your sodomizin’.”

    “Jesus, never mind. Just don’t get grease all over the seats this time.”

  15. Slash

    OK, not a movie, a TV show. Whatever. I’d watch it.

  16. Paula Deen Food Network South Beach Wine And Food Festival
    White Zombie
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m so glad to finally meet you, Tracy Chapman. Could you sing us a song, like, some negro spiritual from the plantation days, while I ride on your back? What…whats the matter?”

  17. Juano

    Whether you are conservative or liberal, you have to despise Paula Deen for a number of reasons.

    First of all, she made a fortune pitching high fat, high calorie meals to America as “wholesome food”. Then, suddenly, when she herself succumbed to one of the side effects of eating the garbage she was peddling, she changed tunes and started to pitch lower fat, lower calorie foods.

    Second, she used the fact that she got sick eating the food she peddled to angle a contract for diabetes treatments. Sweet!

    Third, she got caught acting like a moronic Southerner, by using a racial slur and then admitting she had wanted to black employees to dress up in a demeaning fashion so she could have a “old fashioned” event. It isn’t the actions that really offend me, although they are bad enough; it’s the “boo hoo, woe is me” crap she pulls to get away from the issue. Had she just said “you know what, I did it, it was a long time ago when I was less enlightened about things than I am today and I’m sorry I did it and I recognize that it was insulting to blacks”, I would have some sympathy for her. But instead, it’s “I’m a martyr, I’m being held to a double standard, boo hoo hoo.” She isn’t sorry, and she probably hasn’t realized that she offended anybody other than the “liberal press” that morons like her invoke when they get caught acting like assholes.

    Oh and OH BABY, just because you hate black people and are trying to say that blacks act like jerks so Paula should be forgiven, no, that’s no excuse for her. I think thoughtful black and white people all realize that we have our inherent biases and need to be careful not to offend people. There are a lot of morons of all races, creeds, and colors. And I think I know one fat, ole, white woman shilling crappy food who fits the definition of moron.

  18. Paula Deen Food Network South Beach Wine And Food Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    “I don’t care that you’re black and gay, I think you’re almost as good as normal people.”

  19. Oh Jesus Christ, this woman can’t be for real.

  20. Paula Deen Food Network South Beach Wine And Food Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh no ! She’s eating Michael Sam.

  21. Phony ass cracker!
    Vote with your dollars people. Don’t support this bitch!

    • Sorry, but your use of the term, “cracker” is as bigotted as Dean herself. When people learn not to use derogatory terms to describe their fellow man, then maybe this hate will go away. Until then, it will continue to permeate society.

  22. Paula Deen Food Network South Beach Wine And Food Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    What a misguided human being. Speaking of misguided, do we get a Spike Lee post?

  23. Old School Woman

    Why doesn’t she just shut up and cook.

  24. Paula Deen Food Network South Beach Wine And Food Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    Payback’s a bitch. Maybe all the dumb black people shouldn’t have cried wolf. Paula was never a hater of Black people. She was simply comfortable in her own skin about the subject and dumb politically correct idiots went to far in castigating her for it. Good for Paula….her way of saying “Fuck you very much.”

    • Yeah. She sure showed them! She had to close her business and lose money! Ha! She’s a genius.

    • You type remarkably well with a white hood over your head.

    • Except by all accounts, her African-American staffers stood by her throughout the whole controversy. There was no reason for her to be a dick to them. But yeah, you keep treating all black people like one monolithic entity in your totally not racist way.

      • Tom, I was going to point put the same thing. Well said.

      • “By all accounts” you mean the account of Paul Dean’s PR machine, who kept trotting out the same three black employees as if to say “I can’t be racist – three black people who are dependent on me for a paycheck are willing to say they like me on TV!”

      • Eh, fair enough, Joe. My point was more along the lines of disputing this notion that her black employees had it coming because simply allll the black people rose up against her. Like the troll who posted up top that her black staff must have been talking smack about her, so they deserved to lose their jobs this way.

      • Maybe, but because the Illuminati, or libtards in general, decided to crucify her in the public’s eye. Remember, she was found completely innocent in the court of law by her peers.

        However, business declined because of the bad press, and she needed to close. The restaurant was losing money.

      • Dox

        Time out. Any use of the term Illuminati as reference to an actual living group of people immediately disqualifies you as having any valid points.

        I’m sorry sir, I’m going to have to ask you to step out of the gene pool.

      • The case against her was dismissed after Deen and her accuser reached an undisclosed settlement. She was NOT “found completely innocent in the court of law by her peers.” There was no jury trial, and even if there were, a civil trial does not determine “guilt” or “innocence”—that’s criminal procedure—but liability. The racial-discrimination charges were never weighed because it was determined that the plaintiff—a white woman—lacked standing to bring them. Also, juries don’t find anyone “innocent,” they reach verdicts of “not guilty,” i.e., they did not believe the prosecution proved its case. You don’t have to prove innocence at a criminal trial.

        Could you maybe know what you’re talking about before you decide to engage in here?

      • Let me just reiterate everything TomFrank’s Ghost said:

        She abso-fucking-lutely was not found “completely innocent in the court of law by her peers” and settled out of court for a sum Uncle Bubba’s Oyster House – *puts on sunglasses* – couldn’t shuck.


      • Your upvote was accidental on my part. I was simply trying to say that any business owner who has a modicum of decency (especially if most of your employees have low-paying service-industry jobs) gives the employees some notice if the business is closing.

  25. Paula Deen Food Network South Beach Wine And Food Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    ‘.. and then throw it right in the mixture of corn syrup, bacon fat, lard and grits …’

    • “Ah got this-here little puppy from a neegra what used to work for me a’fore I pulled the rug out from undah him. I don’t pull them sorts of shenanigums on all mah collud friends!”

  26. Paula Deen Food Network South Beach Wine And Food Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    They can all go on welfare now, it’s the new normal and the American way.

    • I don’t think that’s allowed unless they’re white, rich and living on a million-dollar yacht in Florida. Your turn.

    • Mitch’s computer STILL hasn’t electrocuted him when he types ignorant, racist shit. I’m starting to suspect my fellow liberals are correct, and the power of prayer IS a crock of shit.

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