I Think Paula Deen’s Been Fired Enough, Everybody

June 27th, 2013 // 69 Comments
'I Is What I Is'
Paula Deen Today
Paula Deen Is Very Sorry She Got Caught Read More »

In the past 24 hours since Paula Deen‘s disastrous TODAY interview, she’s been fired by Target, Home Depot, Walmart and the diabetes medication Novo Nordisk which is just getting way out of hand. Target I can understand because people like me shop there so we can walk around saying, “Oh, I never shop at Walmart,” while farting in a brandy snifter. But if there’s an audience who either a.) fully supports Paula or b.) is too distracted wondering how their life is so shitty they’re shopping at Walmart, it’s Walmart shoppers. Not to mention, Paula’s cruise is so in demand right now they had to expand it, and where do you think those people are buying Hawaiian shirts and bulk bags of beef jerky from? Whole Foods?

As for Novo Nordisk, do you hate money? From a purely medical standpoint, if you’ve eaten just one of Paula Deen’s recipes, there’s a 97% chance you have diabetes already. Those people aren’t going to begrudge a sweet old woman who not only pumped them full of delicious butter lard with a butter lard glaze, but also went, “Here, sugar, take this pill ‘fore you lose that foot.” She’s a fucking angel to them. Unless, of course, they worked for her and were of a certain skin color that she made scramble for cash money for her own amusement, but c’mon, those people can’t even afford basic healthcare, amirite? The National Enquirer reports:

“After finishing the dinner rush on some holidays, such as Easter or Mother’s Day, Paula would lock the restaurant doors and hide money all over the dining room. Then she would bring the all-black kitchen staff in and encourage them to run around and turn the dining room upside down, scrounging for money.
“Paula would just sit back and laugh hysterically, as if her overworked, underpaid employees foraging for money was some sort of circus sideshow. It was completely demoralizing for those people barely making minimum wage, yet Paula howled as she watched.”

“When the Good Lord said to give money to the poor, I don’t recall him saying it can’t be fun. Now watch, sugar, I hid a dollah bill in the fountain and their kind can’t swim. Mercy me, like a cat in a tub!” *squeals with glee*

Photo: Splash News

superficial

  1. I figure if you want to pay somebody to put on a butler costume and dance like the WB frog and there is somebody who is willing to accept payment for it, there really isn’t a problem here. other than inherent problems with capitalism.

    *puts $20 in stripper’s g-string*

    May I call you whore?

  2. rantatonne

    “When the Good Lord said to give money to the poor, I don’t recall him saying it can’t be fun. Now watch, sugar, I hid a dollah bill in the fountain and their kind can’t swim. Mercy me, like a cat in a tub!” *squeals with glee*

    Thank you

  3. today I learned Easter Egg hunts are racist.

    See you on the Whitehouse Lawn next year Obama, it’s gonna get weird!

  4. cc

    ‘“Oh, I never shop at Walmart,” while farting in a brandy snifter. ‘

    Holy crap that made me laugh.

  5. I’m sure nobody would make up a story to sell to a magazine that pays cash money for outrageous stories.

  6. Paula Deen Drunk The Today Show Miami Beach
    caley
    Commented on this photo:

    “Okay, Paula, you’re one of us…please, no more rapping!”

  7. hank

    I wonder how much Paula Deen’s reps paid those people to stand around and pretend to tolerate her?

  8. Paula Deen Drunk The Today Show Miami Beach
    hank
    Commented on this photo:

    The camera caught the final “RS!” of her favorite word.

  9. genna

    when we react this way to a public figure saying ignorant things, and they are promptly dropped from all of their business ventures, we are basically saying that we had no idea that such ignorance exists – like we’re just completely shocked it is out there. It’s ridiculous. I don’t know whether Paula Deen is a good person or a not so good person, I know very little about her. But I do know she didn’t change from before and after this scandal happened. She’s the same person she was before this came out. It would be nice when such things happen to facilitate an actual discussion instead of tarring and feathering some old lady who seems to me to be kind of like that elderly relative we all have who says racist things but you have to kind of ignore it because they are from a different time and place and genuinely don’t know any better, and they’re going to die soon anyway. I don’t believe she has hate in her heart, honestly.

    • JC

      I don’t think anybody’s saying they had no idea such ignorance exists–they’re saying they don’t want to be associated with such ignorance. Who cares if she grew up in a time when abominable behavior was socially acceptable? It was wrong then, and it’s wrong now, and except for people living in a cave and/or people who only have three working brain cells, it’s hard to miss the fact that the world is moving on and there is good reason for it to do so. If tarring and feathering a racist bajillionaire for being an asshole shows some little kid that being a racist asshole isn’t a good way to go, then heat up the fucking tar.

    • And perhaps you should make an effort to actually learn something about the person whose behavior you’re trying to excuse before you style her as “some old lady who seems to me to be kind of like that elderly relative we all have who says racist things but you have to kind of ignore it because they are from a different time and place and genuinely don’t know any better”. Seriously? It’s fucking 2013, cupcake – it ain’t “ignorance” behind behavior like this, it’s a firm belief that there’s nothing wrong with the concept that other people actually are inferior to you, to the point that you constantly restyle the reality of slaves in the antebellum south as “workers” and claim they were like members of the family (rather than property that just couldn’t leave) because that fits in better with your plantation-era fantasies.

      Because I submit that it’s impossible to be a teenager during the Civil Rights Era and half a century later not “genuinely don’t know any better” that discrimination against black employees is wrong. Furthermore, I submit that since she hasn’t spent the intervening decades fanning herself on the family porch, but developed a multimillion dollar food enterprise that involves exposure and interaction with other people outside of the deep South, she is well aware that her thoughts and actions aren’t acceptable, but chose to mistreat her black employees badly – simply because she could. FYI, the big fucking clue here that she isn’t so “ignorant” is her admission that she indeed wanted a tap-dancing fantasy slave wedding, but knew that the media reaction wouldn’t be good. See, that’s what awareness looks like.

      The “ignorance” excuse is just another lame justification from people – like you – who don’t want to believe someone who’s all gushy and warm-looking could possibly have “hate in her heart”. Maybe it’s because it would mean that you might have to take an uncomfortable look at why you haven’t done shit about confronting those “elderly relatives” of yours, but yeah, when you think other people are less than you because of their race and you make sure they know it by your actions or your speech, you are being hateful. Deen could have made sure her black employees were treated fairly and not abusively. She chose not to. What Deen hates is having her sponsors drop her, and that’s a whole ‘nother thing.

  10. Jazzy Jeff

    Maybe she should stop with the blackface.

  11. Congratulation Fish

    …looks like you’ve beat your old record for continuous posts about a nobody.
    Farrah Abraham and the Kardashain’s will be so heartbroken.

    • joe

      What’s wrong with the Kardashian’s will?

    • washington

      Fear not, I’m sure the minute Farrah decied to make part 2 of her ‘leaked’ porno fish will go off on another tanget and break his Paula Deen record. Though his superiors may also complain that he’s not pushing their gravy/pee train Kim enough and she may be the lucky one to break the Paula record.
      At any rate, I’m sure all of Paula’s records will fall in due time. Well…all but the record for the most number of long posts; justy seems hell bent on seeing that record stands.

  12. Sick of it All

    This whole thing is so fucking stupid! Come on! If we could all be prosecuted and persecuted for stuff we did or said TWENTY FIVE YEARS AGO, how many of us would come out unscathed? Unless your name is JESUS CHRIST, I can assure you the answer is NONE. American business today is being run by a bunch of whiny ass, snot-nosed children who value political correctness above and beyond all things. Does Home Depot REALLY think that people are going to stop shopping there because Paula Deen used the word n****r way back when it was, if not acceptable, certainly not frowned upon, especially in the south! Get it over it America!

    • Rachael

      Yeah, people keep saying this, but here’s the problem. She’s not being punished for the terrible things she said 25 years ago, blah blah blah blah. Not really. This shit storm is being she lacked the ability to issue a simple, gracious-sounding apology, instead of this woe-is-me, you’re-all-bigot-too-tour she’s embarked on. She needed to say, “Yes, I said and did things that were hurtful and ignorant. I am not the person I was then; I’ve grown as a person and I know it’s wrong. I don’t condone racism or ignorance of any kind.” Repeat ad naseam as necessary.

      Instead she put out the crazy youtube videos, then deleted them. Then went crazy on Good Morning America, or whatever the hell morning show she went on, and made herself look like a whiny asshole, because how dare anyone take her to task for being a racist when OTHER PEOPLE ARE TOO. That’s a terrible argument.

      She did not simply say one racist word, once, a long time ago. If you think that’s what’s going on here, you’re misinformed, or willfully ignorant.

      • Rachael

        Jesus. “Is being” should be “is because.” Rushed posting = looking stupid.

      • No sweat, the eye auto-corrects. The problem with making an admission like that is that she’s being sued for some really outrageous Jim-Crow-like discriminatory employee practices, so she has to keep denying she uses the word other than quoting “conversations between black people” or something like that, while simultaneously boo-hooing that she’ll “learn” and “grow” from finding out that the word that she’d never, ever use to hurt anyone but only used to describe a black mugger to her husband way after the robbery is wrongity-wrong-wrong, if only her sponsors don’t drop her so that she has the money to learn and grow effectively after this experience.

        Or something to that effect.

        What fucked her is her own stupid mouth – in deposition she added “of course” after stating she’s used it, because of course everyone’s said it before, right? Her attorneys must have permanent facepalm prints from that one alone, never mind her excusing her brother’s constant use of that same word and watching porn in the restaurant with: “just because he’s got a sense of humor does not make him a bad person or incapable of running a business.” Funny how she didn’t find his judgment quite so capable – or hilariously funny – when she had to demand that the general manager he hired be fired because he was tapping the underage help, because: “If you think I have worked this hard to lose everything because of a piece of pussy, you better think again.”

    • For the life of me I don’t understand why the fuck Home Depot even seeks the “endorsement” of someone that tells everyone that a stick of butter with bacon and ham and 5 slices of cheese in a croissant is the best way to start the morning? What the fuck does that have to do with me seeking out cinder blocks? And besides, I shop at Lowes.

  13. Latest I heard is that Jesse Jackson is going to help her rebuild her image. Guess he needs something to do now that his son is in the pokey.

  14. Dick Hell

    Nothing particularly ironic about a rich old racist white lady with a really dark spray-tan.

  15. I’m thinking of Paula Deen in the scene from the movie, “The Jerk,” when Steve Martin gets sued for his eye glass invention and has to pay everyone $1.00 something.

  16. If saying nigger gets you fired I should be fired 80,000 times.

  17. Juano

    If she were some little old lady running a out of the way country store, okay, then you can say “just forgive her.” But Paula Deen put herself out there, milked the celebrity system for all it was worth, mistreated her employees, and then tried to make it everybody else’s problem that she was caught as a racist.

    Her phony Today show appearance was ridiculous too. Somebody ought to have coached her that when you get “emotional” the way she alleged she did, you actually have tears coming out your eyes; she had none, ergo, the whole thing was a fucking act.

    Her behavior was wrong in 1963 and it’s even worse in 2013.

  18. Slappy Magoo

    Think of all the opportunities her getting repeatedly canned gives other Americans. She’s created more jobs in the past week than Dubya did in 8 years.

    • Sick of it All

      I’d agree with that. Why, she’s even created more jobs than the so-called “jobs program” that Obama is running. At least the program run by Dubya created SOME jobs, which is more than BO can claim!

  19. Isn’t there some sort of political or social page where all you people can voice your opinions? I don’t come to The Superficial for social commentary unless it’s in the form of blatant sarcasm, cleavage shots or crotch shots. Take this shit somewhere else please.

    • Right! Let’s see her tits! They’ve gotta be better than tan mom’s.

    • Yeah, it’s really a shame how you’re positively forced to read posts you don’t like, rather than be allowed to look Gwyneth Paltrow in black lace, or at the opening posts which are always bikini or lingerie themed. It’s pure tragedy. My heart actually weeps for you, that you aren’t allowed to dictate the format and choices of a site that you don’t own and don’t write for, especially when mommy told you repeatedly how the world really does revolve around your every wish and exists only to tremblingly obey your every whim.

      Mommy lied, fuckbrain.

      • The_Ouroboros

        Haha in less than a week you’ve gone from someone whom I appreciate the comments of, to being one of my favorite members here. Kudos to you for being consistently entertaining and enlightening. Also, I love the fact that this website isn’t just Tits, but Tits and Nerdoir and Current Affairs.

      • Yeah, we’re fucking Renaissance men here.

  20. Paula Deen Drunk The Today Show Miami Beach
    Commented on this photo:

    “You thought I was bad before, You (n-word)’s ain’t seen shit!”

  21. Paula Deen Drunk The Today Show Miami Beach
    har har har
    Commented on this photo:

    “And then my house n***** asked if she could have the 4th of July off for a picnic with her family! HAHAHAHA!”

  22. Paula Deen Drunk The Today Show Miami Beach
    har har har
    Commented on this photo:

    “HAHAHAHA! What do you mean ‘Never?’ You’re black sugar, of COURSE you were in a gang before!”

  23. Paula Deen Drunk The Today Show Miami Beach
    har har har
    Commented on this photo:

    “Your field negro went missing? Why just put out a trail of watermelon cubes and he’ll find his way home faster than you can say ‘Grape Drink!’ HAHA!”

  24. Paula Deen Drunk The Today Show Miami Beach
    har har har
    Commented on this photo:

    “And then this man shows up for my weekly meeting dressed head to toe in white and damn near gave me a heart attack until he took the hood off and I realized it was Bubba! HAHAHA!”

  25. Paula Deen Drunk The Today Show Miami Beach
    har har har
    Commented on this photo:

    “So I said to him, ‘Mr. President, you would look wonderful tap dancing and serving up the fried chicken in a little white coat and black bowtie!’ HAHAHA! Can’t you just see it?!?”

  26. I don’t think Paula Deen is a bad or evil person or an intentional or malicious racist. She is just a product of her time and her environment. I personally would not have fired her from her show. I am sure she is somewhat a racist to this day and did not stop 25 years ago like some people would suggest, but most people are racist to some point so whatever.

    I would let her apologize, suspend her for 6 months or so and then bring her back.

    You want the real racists, look at the composition of the boards and the executives of these companies with their fake outrage over this, you will have to look very hard to find black, hispanic, asian, indian and even women on them.

    • Oh, please spare me. So basically, there should be no lasting consequences for any sort of bad behavior, because people are just products of the era they grew up in, and those who are in a position to judge them aren’t perfect anyhow because we’ve all done things, so how dare they be so mean, because environment! I sincerely hope that if you’re ever the victim of a crime, the defense attorney not only floats this one, but the court buys it and then tells you to suck it up and get over it because, whatever.

      Look, while everyone is racist to some degree (this is not a new idea and predates Avenue Q) to use that an excuse to do nothing about it when you see it living large is just so much enabling, cowardly bullshit. What you propose is that she shouldn’t be penalized for refusing to drop the attitudes and language that she grew up with – and forced her employees to labor under – but that there should be no consequences for insisting that those hurtful and unjust attitudes are acceptable today because no one should ever be made uncomfortable and made to grow beyond the limited world they grew up in. Fuck. That. Shit.

      Deen is well aware that she couldn’t have a Shirley Temple slave-themed wedding, complete with tap dancing darkies, because of the unfavorable reaction it would produce – so that means at some point a little ray of light obviously made its way through to the deep South to shine upon poor Paula, who you will try to tell us was forced to live under the porch for the last six decades to protect her from hearing how the world has changed. Sorry, your excuses for her just won’t wash.

      Because those attitudes aren’t acceptable any more, and should not be tolerated for whatever limp-dick reason you care to name. She already knew they weren’t acceptable, and she didn’t give one ripe fuck until it started to cost her money. Too fucking bad, I have no sympathy for her. The only thing she’s sorry for is that she got caught and that she underestimated how people would react, not for how she behaved and what she said. Because no one who states “I is what I is” can in any way be considered to be apologizing for their behavior.

  27. Paula Deen Drunk The Today Show Miami Beach
    anonym
    Commented on this photo:

    Clearly these black women don’t know what went down.

  28. Paula Deen Drunk The Today Show Miami Beach
    JMC
    Commented on this photo:

    “Certainly Ms. Deen, I’ll have DeShawn make you another.”

  29. Jenn

    She done stepped in it and that sorta stink don’t wear off no time soon. ~~My grandmother(about pig shit, but it also applies here)
    Soooooeyyy!

  30. mermaid

    We have her surrounded! Git ‘er done!

  31. I Pulled It to Miley's Vadge

    Is it just me, or does Paula Deen seem like she lives in a permanent Thorazine haze? Bitch seems shitfaced wasted in every video I’ve ever seen of her. Or do she and Bubba just get tanked before every public appearance lately?

  32. BEN

    HAVENT WE HEARD ENOUGH ABOUT PAULA,ITS MAKING ME SICK LET THE WOMAN REST.

  33. THIS PAULA DEEN THING IS GETTING OUT OF HAND LET IT REST FOR A WHILE,FOR EVER OK.

  34. TheRealist

    She regularly told nigger jokes … thinks that because they were jokes they were okay.

  35. Paula Deen Drunk The Today Show Miami Beach
    Commented on this photo:

    Ya’ll should quit hatin’. She’s almost the darkest one in this photo, yo.

  36. Wayne

    Wish I was there watching the blacks turning that kitchen upside down.
    What’s wrong with negro jokes. I enjoy them.

Leave A Comment