Working For Paula Abdul is Rewarding

August 12th, 2011 // 37 Comments

We’re into lists this week. Lists that show just how far celebrities are up their own asses that they’ve declared themselves Queen of Sphinctertown and demand a parade in their honor. So here’s Paula Abdul list of requirements for anyone who wants to be her assistant, and let me be the first to say, how the hell is bar tending experience not one of these? Us Magazine reports:

Each assistant must carry and use a tape recorder at all times “because she doesn’t trust her own conversations,” the source says.
“She also makes them check the TiVo for any mention of her and put it on a DVD.”
Abdul team members should also prepare to go through her email — and respond to family and friends as the star herself.
The “Forever Your Girl” singer also needed constant reminders that she is a “warrior, survivor and gift,” adds the insider.

Shorter version:

1. I say crazy shit.
2. I want crazy shit.
3. See #1.
4. See #2.

There. Small enough to tattoo on their foreheads. You’re welcome.

Photos: Getty


  1. What about references to MC Skat Kat?

  2. DogBoy

    Is it just me, or is she morphing into STEVEN TYLER in the face– a bit?

    • TomFrank

      She must have read the inscription on that charmed ring, the one that says “In aerosmithus corpore transmuto.” I would have thought you’d have figured that out…DogBoy.

    • Ditto

      I came here to post the same thing.

    • Esol esek

      same with me. I came into the comment section thinking ‘someone’s already mentioned her looking like Tyler, and sure enough, at the top of the list.

      Not good to be a woman and start to look like Steven Tyler in your old age. Especially when he’s worked on the same show.

    • DogBoy

      I was gonna say
      “Lady Looks Like a Dude, Who Looks Like A Lady”

  3. Pete

    Crazy and beat, but let’s face it – she hasn’t done too bad for a freaking former Laker Girl.

  4. Richard McBeef

    What sort of modeling clay was used to construct her face? I’m looking at sculpting something I can’t jack off to.

  5. Jimmy

    “Warrior, survivor and gift” – what does that even mean? In what way does she fight? What has she survived? Most confusingly, to whom or what is she a gift?

  6. AJ

    No she’s not. Not even close. Keep the receipt.

  7. IreneWienne

    All I am saying is they got paid to do it. They need to sit down and shut up. I am sure working for a high profile name looks good in anyone’s resume.

  8. She looks like the recipient of a face transplant using Tara Reid’s leftover belly skin.

  9. StayPuft Overlord

    Sandra Bullock is fucking crazy! And looking really haggard and abused.

  10. Paula Abdul
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    It looks like the image of Jennifer Aniston someone pulled off the newspaper with Silly-Putty.

  11. Paula Abdul
    Commented on this photo:

    i’d fuck her old ass, probly eat her pussy too…

  12. Paula Abdul
    Commented on this photo:

    Planet of the Apes?? …….Dang she looks like a haggard ape.

  13. Danny Noonan

    Sounds like that invocation from SNL” I’m good enough , I’m smart enough , A people like me !!!!!

    I guess all hollywoodites need special affirmations of their self – worth

  14. Hugh Gentry

    old lady elbows

  15. Enough half-empty bottles every day to throw a helluva party. She won’t notice they’re missing the next day since she lives a Groundhog Day existence.

  16. the chief

    that age is ketching her up doesn’t mean she is louzy in bed………..

  17. Angus

    Meh….every asshole boss thinks this way on the list.

  18. Gerbil in my Butt

    Ugly bitch! Inside & out.

  19. The Superficial Kid

    What will she look like in 5 years? What will her support staff need to say to her then ?
    Man , Needy , insecure and vain , the trifecta of hollywood!

  20. Danny Noonan

    It’s like thunder , Lightning , the way you’re looking is frightening !

  21. Phil

    She looks like Mary Tyler Moore….MTM, AFTER the 36 facelifts.

  22. fcslboy

    Looks like Rob Lowe has gained some weight.

  23. delredd

    u stupid bitch i dare u 2 say something bad about paula abdul. i love paula abdul she’s my girl pretty inside/outside. i’m talkin’ 2 gerbil in my butt what u like things back there u freaking ass whore. most likley ur a very ugly, mean, bitter, oldass slut.

  24. delredd

    i’ll work 4 paula abdul anytime. love u paula 4-ever my girl.

  25. Paula Abdul
    Commented on this photo:

    This is a photo of Steven Tyler.

  26. Deryn

    She is Elmer J Fudd, millionaire. She owns a mansion and a yacht.

  27. Sally Fields

    I used to love her as a teenager, but…she has not aged well. I wish she would just get off these television shows already. Jlo isn’t any better, but to be washed up for being popular in the late 80′s??? Enough is enough already!

  28. Paula Abdul
    Commented on this photo:

    Is Steven Tyler trying to be a future Bond girl? I think the last one actually had the operation.

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