Patton Oswalt Vs. Phoebe Price

October 28th, 2011 // 77 Comments

When comedian Patton Oswalt thought it’d be an adorable idea to take his two-year-old daughter to Mr. Bones Pumpkin Patch for some fall family fun last night, he clearly wasn’t aware that with the changing of the leaves also comes the whoring of the gourds. This led him straight into the path of Phoebe Price, a lesser known species of shaunasandicus flashavaginacus, prompting him to document his experience on Twitter:

Dear Gross, Over-Sexualized Reality Star Nobody Currently at Mr. Bones’ Pumpkin Patch, Posing for The Photogs You Hired To Come: Please Die
Seriously, this is a place for little kids and this mildew-ey swamp slut is treating it like an FHM shoot. I have no idea who she is.
This is so sad. She’s got some hag-like publicist throwing her toys to pose with. Dressed like a “sexy” pirate. Fuck. Off.
NO WAY am I taking a picture of this silicon-chested scarecrow. I DO want to gather some goose shit from the petting zoo & pelt her.
We’ve left. She’s still there, on top of inflatable skeleton slide posing like a goddamn spaz. Skeezy redhead. Don’t know name, don’t care.
The movie monster who scared me the most as a child was Pippi Longstocking.

If you think I’m following Patton Oswalt, clearly you’ve never read a single thing on this site. My last punchline was equating Tootsie Rolls with black penises. Do you know how many pictures of tits I’ll need to make up for that? 28. It’s 28. I have charts.

Photo: Fame, Splash News

superficial

  1. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    Ryna
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh I get it now! She’s supposed to be Captain Hook and the kid is dressed as a tragic exploited accessory! Clever.

  2. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    SIN
    Commented on this photo:

    See? She is not the skank here. She kept her legs closed. How many other women showing tits and ass here would have kept them closed?

  3. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    Dude of Dudes
    Commented on this photo:

    Man that syphilis slide looks AWESOME!

  4. it had to be said

    That is one ugly, skeletor bitch.

  5. SIN

    Patton Oswalt? That unfunny fat fuck? Who cares about a turd like that or what he thinks.
    She looks good but is not flashing everyone or showint her pussy. Notice she has her legs closed coing down the slide? Shauna would have had hers wide open.

  6. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    Dude of Dudes
    Commented on this photo:

    In a not so humorous role reversal Peter borrows the hook from his arch nemesis, Capt. Punkin Patch Skank. Herpes was had by all!

  7. The Everlasting Know-it-all

    What a bunch of haters! I love me some fire bush.

  8. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    Me
    Commented on this photo:

    true beauty.

  9. cc

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:MOABtest.jpg moments before impact on Mr. Bones’ Pumpkin Patch

  10. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    Clueless
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m pretty sure that’s a crime.

  11. carissa

    I really, honestly don’t know who she is. Help?

  12. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    staylor
    Commented on this photo:

    Ok this pic says it all. Mommy I am not your Halloween whore accessory. Can I run away screaming? I promise I won’t go to far *steals sword and stabs her in the gut* phew, that was a close one. I almost grew up to be a d-bag.

  13. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    staylor
    Commented on this photo:

    Wagon brought to you by OSH – “Obviously Scary Hacks”

  14. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    staylor
    Commented on this photo:

    See!! I told you! UGH right in the gut! YES!

  15. josh

    Who is she ?

  16. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    Nigel Bennett
    Commented on this photo:

    “See Mum it will fit in their sideways”

  17. Sheppy

    Whoever she is, she is substantially less pretty than she thinks she is.

  18. WAR PATTON

    Still don’t know what the fuck she does or why we always have to hear about her :P

  19. bdog821

    I’ve got a Mr. Bones Slide she can ride on!!

  20. Dan

    Dunno who this is – but she looks kinda cute.

  21. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    “Unfortunately, Ms. Price, we at the American Humane Association can not supply you with our No Animals Were Harmed trademark, as you have clearly situated that dog on top of a toxic waste site.”

  22. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, I wondered what would come next after Svedka Vodka trick-or-treating, and here it is: Captain Morgan Rum…for Kids!

  23. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    Words fail me for just how much wrong is in this picture.

  24. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    “Lady, I’m getting tired. And your skin smells like my daddy when he comes stumbling home late on the weekend.”

  25. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh, Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater…”

  26. Uncle Phil

    Someone try throwing holy water on it. Not me though. I couldn’t be far enough away from that to feel safe.

  27. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    juststopit
    Commented on this photo:

    so this is what lindsay is doing when she’s not at the morgue? somebody selling drugs at the bottom of that slide, aren’t they?

  28. MInky Wail

    Blumpkin patch is more like it.

  29. Justin

    So we’re up in arms because this is a place for children but the ride is called Mr. Bones Slide? Right..

  30. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    Pip pip cheery-o
    Commented on this photo:

    Christ she looks like she was in an industrial accident. Ugly as fucking fuckery fuck!

  31. forrest gump

    well, some sick americans will even use kids to be IN the limelights, folks!!

  32. kara

    that whole thing was on his twitter? isn’t that shit only like a certain amount of characters?

  33. MJB

    I don’t care about this woman. I vaguely am aware she’s some z-list actress who desperately wants to be famous. But, with all the problems we have in this country, why single out a pathetic publicity whore and not some ridiculous politician? Patton Oswalt couldn’t have picked a softer target.
    Where’s our generation’s Bill Hicks, Richard Pryor or Lenny Bruce?

    • CranAppleSnapple

      He just happened to see her there. If a politician was there, flashing their cooch and straddling pumpkins, I think Oswalt would have mocked them also.

      • MJB

        I don’t see this goofy pathetic aging “starlet” flashing anything. The past week we’ve seen old has-been rockers, wannabe reality stars, etc. at pumpkin patches.
        If Patton Oswalt doesn’t want to see publicity whores, he should move out of LA and the surrounding areas—aka “the plastic asshole of the universe,” in Faulkner’s words.

      • Schmidtler

        Really? I saw Michelle Obama at Mr. Bones, she was flashing her cooch, doing deep knee bends in daisy duke shorts, and had her boobs spilling out of her halter top – all this 10 feet from Patton Oswalt – and he never criticized her, now did he? All this is further proof of the vast left wing conspiracy, I tells ya!

  34. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    szin szin
    Commented on this photo:

    it looks like paedophila

  35. Hawk

    I just love seeing the C list celebs turning a trip to the pumpkin patch into a photo op.

  36. Phoebe Price Slutty Pirate Pumpkin Patch
    chaz
    Commented on this photo:

    calling mrs munster

  37. L. Chase

    Broads like that just need to be checked, just walk up and tell her how effing ridiculous and innappropriate she looks in an even tone. Trust me, this is humiliating far beyond the loudmouth and stank look approaches, it works. Everytime. #teamdouchebagsgodie

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