Paris Hilton’s week kind of blows

February 15th, 2008 // 49 Comments

Paris Hilton is having a really shitty week. She aged another year. Her brother got a DUI. And now the Los Angeles Department of Animal Services wants to take her dogs. TMZ reports:

Captain Bowers tells TMZ his department received a complaint from an animal rescue group, after Paris’ appearance on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” on Monday. On the show, Paris talked about having 17 dogs — a huge no-no in the city of Los Angeles. A non-breeder is only allowed three dogs per address — though in Hollywood, Paris is considered a notorious breeder!

Oh yeah, I also forgot her new movie The Hottie and the Nottie tanked beyond belief at the box office and is now getting beat to hell on IMDB, according to Us Magazine:

The Hottie and the Nottie – with 2,190 low-star votes – now rests at the bottom of the IMDb user charts, even below the American Idol movie, From Justin to Kelly: With Love and Daddy Day Camp.

Wow, below From Justin to Kelly? Jesus. I almost feel bad for Paris Hilton. If I weren’t filled with a neverending desire to see her spontaneously combust. Preferably within the vicinity of Britney Spears. Whose driving a truck full of dynamite – and really pissed off bees.

Photos: Splash News

  1. This is not the first time she’s been underneath a loser, and it’s won’t be the last.

  2. TS

    FIRST you doggiestyle stinking buttholes

  3. #1 – that applies to “TS” also.

  4. Jennifer2

    I am just a bit curious…Her profile was found on millionaire dating site ‘BillionaireCupid dot com’ last week.

  5. Captain Walleye

    #3: are you saying RichPort is a loser?

  6. The Beer Baron

    Even though it would have been a sure sign of the apocalypse with her being on an actually college campus, but I wish Paris was in the Northern Illinois classroom.

  7. morga

    I’m pretty angry that for some reason I still find her slightly attractive… :-\

  8. #5 – Reading Is Fundamental.

    I had TS beat by about 60 seconds… like that guy that gave his mom a cream pie and hid in the closet right before his dad thought he impregnated her…

  9. Auntie Kryst

    Man I love Los Angeles. The people have the best names. There’s an attorney named Wallet. A commissioner named Gordon, now a dogcatcher called Capt. Bowers. Woof!

  10. Dog Lover

    Ugly Bitch, I mean Paris, not the cute little puppy dog.

  11. Vicky

    Wow, I definitely read THAT title wrong. I saw:

    “Paris Hilton … blows.”

    I was thinking, so what else new?

  12. How do people keep hiring this cunt? She’s the kiss of death to anything movie related.

  13. Tiffany

    It’s ok most people don’t get big until there 3-4 movies.

    Gook Luck Paris it will all work out

  14. Dog Lover

    Poor dog, he’s trying to get away from her skunk smelly shoes. I bet he’s also afraid that she’ll put him in one and he’ll get lost.

  15. D. Richards (Loser.) (No really.)

    I think:

    As punishment for being such an arrogant prick, Paris should be allowed to keep her seventeen dogs only under the condition that they are over fed, and never taken outside of her mansion to shit.

  16. Wimdie

    I didn’t realize that dog-protection agencies had such huge anti-lesbian grudges. Basically, if you have a dog, stay away from Ellen.

  17. Ezra SItt

    When the quotation started with “Captain Bowers” I thought that was gonna be the dogs name

  18. #16 – they’re not biased. They have a whole stack of reports about Ellen’s poor excitable dog being the meat in an Ellen-Portia sandwich. Lesbians do that shit all the time.

  19. Oprah's Gorilla Butthole

    Kill the bitch.

  20. Secret Squirrel

    Arrogance abounds in Holly Wood.
    If this were you or I, LA Law would have already given us a ticket as big as Britney Spears ass, and taken all but 3 of our dogs. Yet Hook-Nose Hilton gets the benefit of the doubt. The doubt whether or not they are going to do ANYTHING.
    Go tell 50 cent your woes you talentless hooknosed hack of a Martha Stewart looking M/F. I’m sure he has a few words of wisdom for you … He likes you …

  21. Secret Squirrel

    Dogs pink frickin collar probably cost more than MY car

  22. Rick

    Her problem is that she’s too conceited to take acting classes. She has very limited ability so she needs all the help she can get. I’d suggest she enroll immediately, at, say, Northern Illinois University.

  23. But, Paris goes to bed every night thinking, “At least I’m not Britney Spears!”

    Oh, #2 – you are a douche bag

  24. TS

    I have said it before and I will say it again for all you dipshits who don’t know your ass from a hot rock:

    I would sooner stick my dick in Paris Hilton that claim “FIRST” on this or any onther posting, so moving forward, just know that if you ever see a post from TS calling “FIRST” it’s a troll. You got it, fucksticks? I am talking to you, ZANNA and you SPORTSDVL. Fuckin idiots. I see you on this site all the time and you should know better by now. Honestly…

    #2, I have told you before, GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER.

  25. TS

    JIMBO, FRIST!!!, a little help here with these idiots?

  26. #2/24 – I stand corrected. You are not a douche bag. You are an oozing anal sore. Sorry for the confusion.

  27. TS, I would have been here sooner but my fist was stuck in your dad’s ass.

  28. TS

    I should know better than to try and reason with a 15 year old retard. But seriously you should know better. New Mexico sucks by the way, nothing but one big oozing Mexican anal sore.

  29. #24 – That’s why I responded the way I did. Oh wait… you didn’t mention me…. carry on…


  30. TS, dude, you’ve got to do something about your mom. My roommates thought it was funny the first time – drinking that big cup filled with all our jizz – but her “anal creampie pudding bowl” idea is just sick.

  31. TS

    Actually that was pretty solid… Good one. Fuckin gross, but a god one.

  32. PostmortemG

    “I’m pretty angry that for some reason I still find her slightly attractive… :-\”

    Well, she has a vagina. It might stink, spew slop and be covered in warts, but it’s still a vagina, and men like vaginas [ Assuming you're male ].

  33. Postmortemg

    … and not gay.

  34. D. Richards (Spread.)

    Frist is a man-fister now?! Sign me up!

  35. butttttt

    She treats dogs like fashion accessories…she needs to be stopped.

  36. Dick Richards (Blaspheme.)

    #30. TS’s mother isn’t an anal creep — she suffers from intense empactment, which calls for the the ejaculation of tens of men, in to her rimless anus.

    Doctor’s orders.

  37. The Shine

    Somewhere Jessica Simpson clutches several copies of her movie while saying “Yesss” “Yesss” maniacally. It’s good to be Not Last.

  38. Taylor

    Paris Hilton doesn’t age another year until the 17th of Feb.!

  39. Awesome-pants

    There’s hate in those little, doggy eyes….

  40. AdamYYZ

    If she can just get AIDS before Sunday, all will be right in the world.

  41. Benji

    Where is her dress from?
    Anyone know?

  42. b2obo5

    she is so cute. I just found her profile on the celebrities and wealthy club “”. she posted the same photo there. did you see it?

  43. murderXmayhemXmadness

    Come on, Superfish. You should know how to properly use “whose” and “who’s.” You’re better than that!

  44. Hilton Never was an Heiress

    I am one of many that have 0 interest whom this non-heiress dates; her wonky eye; her Valtrex prescriptions; that’s her business and frankly, who cares? But I do care that she is still the same narcissistic, disingenuous “commodity” who constantly buys and sells herself as a role model. We are so fed up with seeing her name and obnoxious persona in the media. But the more people comment on her – even if it’s negative – the more she will stay in public view. Any press is good press.

    If you want this “person” to truly go away, stop commenting on her; you’re just putting money in her pocket. Or, just post, “No more stories about Hilton,” and send complaint e-mails to those other sites she obviously has arrangements with to keep her in the public eye.

  45. PLEASE ! No one let her be the owner of another dog! or animal for that matter.

    How can you give attention to that many animals! Oh wait she prolly doesn’t she must pay someone to do that. She needs to take a lesson from her Sis the only one in the Fam who hasn’t messed up. Don’t get me wrong there are some things I like about Paris but more That I don’t!

    I am TEAM Nikki!

  46. yuk

    what a skanky, ugly dog. the puppy she’s holding is nice though.

  47. sweetpea

    gotta be happy that she her media spotlight is slowly diminishing. is that thanks to britney? i don’t know.

    can you please vote for my pic in this comp? please, please, please! :D
    go here:

  48. omg11

    Leave Paris alone. She is my favorite. Paris needs support and help now. I saw her profile on millionaire&cleb dating site R i c h C u p i d last week. It is said she is dating online now.

  49. Rosossko Jones

    This story did not involve her urinating on herself and is thus of little interest to me. Why won’t she pee in her pants some more? Dammit!!

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